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Inventions we'd like to see

Alain QuayAlain Quay Posts: 635
edited February 2017 in The cake stop
1. An app that can translate what your dog/cat is saying

2. A lifting device at cinemas/other venues that plonks later arrivers in their seat without disrupting other seated patrons.
Can be used in reverse for those who talk/text etc during a performance

3. A public transport walk thru commuter deodoriser

4. A jamming and invoicing device to use against cold callers

5. A Council-funded drone that returns dog poo to the dog's owner

6. A device that detects erratic/drunk driver behaviour.

Posts

  • fat daddyfat daddy Posts: 2,632
    7. an app that can translate what your wife is saying
  • fat daddy wrote:
    7. an app that can translate what your wife is saying

    Why are you even talking to his wife? Does he know?
  • fat daddyfat daddy Posts: 2,632
    hey if he can talk to my cat/dog ... I can talk to his wife !
  • mr_goomr_goo Posts: 3,726
    A special remote control to turn down volume or mute the other half's voice.
    Always be yourself, unless you can be Aaron Rodgers....Then always be Aaron Rodgers.
  • smoggystevesmoggysteve Posts: 2,918
    A drug that instantly removes all alcohol from the body and its effects so you can go on a 5 hour censored and instantly sober up

    A drone that comes and fills your car while it sits on your driveway
  • chris_basschris_bass Posts: 4,913
    I often wonder why some of you lot are married! There is always divorce!
    www.conjunctivitis.com - a site for sore eyes
  • Chris Bass wrote:
    I often wonder why some of you lot are married! There is always divorce!

    Have you seen the price of one of those?

    However, I did have one many years ago, she got the house, I got the kids. Bargain.
  • keef66keef66 Posts: 13,286
    I'd like a drone to insert next door's cat censored into next door's cat
  • capt_slogcapt_slog Posts: 3,252
    Alain Quay wrote:

    5. A Council-funded drone that returns dog poo to the dog's owner

    +1 for horse poo :evil: b''stards.

    + a device which renders all mobile phones useless if they are moving (whilst realising that using one on a train could be useful, and for passengers in a car, but I've not quite ironed out that bit yet). Not only would it make driving safer, but the twunts might look where they are going when they're walking!

    Imagine seeing people walk down the street and looking somewhere else other than a screen, gosh, that takes me back a bit :roll:


    The older I get, the better I was.

  • oxomanoxoman Posts: 7,248
    I only want one device with two functions, that is a remote control that stops ebikes working when ridden by fat overweight able bodied munters insisting on posting top strava Times over normal pedalers. The second function is one that either stops mobility scooters dead or ejects said occupants if they are just normal fat able bodied lazy sods.
    Too many bikes according to Mrs O.
  • webboowebboo Posts: 2,120
    A drug that instantly removes all alcohol from the body and its effects so you can go on a 5 hour censored and instantly sober up
    Why.
  • smoggystevesmoggysteve Posts: 2,918
    webboo wrote:
    A drug that instantly removes all alcohol from the body and its effects so you can go on a 5 hour censored and instantly sober up
    Why.

    Getting drunk is great. Suffering from a hangeover is not. Especially if you have work in the morning.

    You could immediately make drink driving disappear less crashes, deaths on the road.
  • mamba80mamba80 Posts: 5,086
    Inbuilt sensors in cars/vans/trucks to prevent said vehicle from overtaking a cyclist/pedestrian above 30mph and/or closer than 2m and for horses, 10mph and 3m.
    the tech must already exist.
  • mr_goomr_goo Posts: 3,726
    A retro fitted missile system for my car to eliminate Honda Jazzs.
    Always be yourself, unless you can be Aaron Rodgers....Then always be Aaron Rodgers.
  • secretsamsecretsam Posts: 4,523
    A zapper that instantly reverses cosmetic surgery

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • bbrapbbrap Posts: 620
    Width restrictions on entrances to:-

    Kebab, Burger, Pizza & other fast food shops
    Hospitals (mainly for the nurses)
    Supermarkets (except the lettuce isle)
    Rose Xeon CDX 3100, Ultegra Di2 disc (nice weather)
    Ribble Gran Fondo, Campagnolo Centaur (winter bike)
    Van Raam 'O' Pair
    Land Rover (really nasty weather :lol: )
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 39,413
    A machine that says very loudly 'Warning - @rsehole jumping the lights' at communters who RLJ.
    Whippet
    Bruiser
    Panzer
    Commuter

    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • AnonymousAnonymous Posts: 28,799
    There is only one invention we really need.
    A 100% accurate lie detector test.

    Utterly pointless unless we have the resolve to use the information it gives for the benefit of society though :roll:
  • capt_slogcapt_slog Posts: 3,252
    Defunct now with newer cars, but at one time when they looked like this...

    stock-photo-radio-or-car-aerial-antenna-isolated-on-white-40124953.jpg

    and following several incidents, I wanted to invent a car aerial that somehow knew when it was being deliberately bent.

    When this happened it would explode blowing off the fingers that were bending it. Impossible I know, but one can dream.


    The older I get, the better I was.

  • haydenmhaydenm Posts: 2,868
    Alain Quay wrote:
    1. An app that can translate what your dog/cat is saying

    When he's staring at the neighbour's cat with his sausage out I'm really not sure I would like to know...
  • mouthmouth Posts: 1,196
    The only thing missing from the world is a function on your mobile that cancels a text message, like one you didn't mean to send. Sort of like sucking a fart back in.
    The only disability in life is a poor attitude.
  • secretsamsecretsam Posts: 4,523
    X-ray specs that can see through clothes.
    An invisibility machine
    Aftershave that makes me irresistible to women

    I decided to be honest...

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • smoggystevesmoggysteve Posts: 2,918
    Capt Slog wrote:
    Defunct now with newer cars, but at one time when they looked like this...

    stock-photo-radio-or-car-aerial-antenna-isolated-on-white-40124953.jpg

    and following several incidents, I wanted to invent a car aerial that somehow knew when it was being deliberately bent.

    When this happened it would explode blowing off the fingers that were bending it. Impossible I know, but one can dream.

    Did you ever consider inventing a bike that was also a pipe bomb that would blow the nads off a thief as he rode away on it. Sure you wouldn't get your bike back but a hell of a deterrent
  • bbrapbbrap Posts: 620

    Did you ever consider inventing a bike that was also a pipe bomb that would blow the nads off a thief as he rode away on it. Sure you wouldn't get your bike back but a hell of a deterrent

    That is rather drastic. A spring loaded razor blade that pops up through the saddle would do the job. All you would need to do is follow the trail of blood. Might need to wash the bike after though.
    Rose Xeon CDX 3100, Ultegra Di2 disc (nice weather)
    Ribble Gran Fondo, Campagnolo Centaur (winter bike)
    Van Raam 'O' Pair
    Land Rover (really nasty weather :lol: )
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 5,607
    Collapsible, soundproof, soft play cage, with room enough for 2 children.
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
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