Inventions we'd like to see

Alain Quay

1. An app that can translate what your dog/cat is saying

2. A lifting device at cinemas/other venues that plonks later arrivers in their seat without disrupting other seated patrons.
Can be used in reverse for those who talk/text etc during a performance

3. A public transport walk thru commuter deodoriser

4. A jamming and invoicing device to use against cold callers

5. A Council-funded drone that returns dog poo to the dog's owner

6. A device that detects erratic/drunk driver behaviour.

fat daddy

7. an app that can translate what your wife is saying

arthur_scrimshaw

fat daddy wrote:

7. an app that can translate what your wife is saying

Why are you even talking to his wife? Does he know?

fat daddy

hey if he can talk to my cat/dog ... I can talk to his wife !

mr_goo

A special remote control to turn down volume or mute the other half's voice.

smoggysteve

A drug that instantly removes all alcohol from the body and its effects so you can go on a 5 hour bender and instantly sober up

A drone that comes and fills your car while it sits on your driveway

chris_bass

I often wonder why some of you lot are married! There is always divorce!

arthur_scrimshaw

Chris Bass wrote:

I often wonder why some of you lot are married! There is always divorce!

Have you seen the price of one of those?

However, I did have one many years ago, she got the house, I got the kids. Bargain.

keef66

I'd like a drone to insert next door's cat sh1t into next door's cat

capt_slog

Alain Quay wrote:

5. A Council-funded drone that returns dog poo to the dog's owner

+1 for horse poo :evil: b''stards.

+ a device which renders all mobile phones useless if they are moving (whilst realising that using one on a train could be useful, and for passengers in a car, but I've not quite ironed out that bit yet). Not only would it make driving safer, but the twunts might look where they are going when they're walking!

Imagine seeing people walk down the street and looking somewhere else other than a screen, gosh, that takes me back a bit :roll:

webboo

SmoggySteve wrote:

A drug that instantly removes all alcohol from the body and its effects so you can go on a 5 hour bender and instantly sober up

Why.

smoggysteve

Webboo wrote:

SmoggySteve wrote:

A drug that instantly removes all alcohol from the body and its effects so you can go on a 5 hour bender and instantly sober up

Why.

Getting drunk is great. Suffering from a hangeover is not. Especially if you have work in the morning.

You could immediately make drink driving disappear less crashes, deaths on the road.

mamba80

Inbuilt sensors in cars/vans/trucks to prevent said vehicle from overtaking a cyclist/pedestrian above 30mph and/or closer than 2m and for horses, 10mph and 3m.
the tech must already exist.

mr_goo

A retro fitted missile system for my car to eliminate Honda Jazzs.

secretsam

A zapper that instantly reverses cosmetic surgery

bbrap

Width restrictions on entrances to:-

Kebab, Burger, Pizza & other fast food shops
Hospitals (mainly for the nurses)
Supermarkets (except the lettuce isle)

Stevo_666

A machine that says very loudly 'Warning - @rsehole jumping the lights' at communters who RLJ.

Anonymous

There is only one invention we really need.
A 100% accurate lie detector test.

Utterly pointless unless we have the resolve to use the information it gives for the benefit of society though :roll:

capt_slog

Defunct now with newer cars, but at one time when they looked like this...



and following several incidents, I wanted to invent a car aerial that somehow knew when it was being deliberately bent.

When this happened it would explode blowing off the fingers that were bending it. Impossible I know, but one can dream.

haydenm

Alain Quay wrote:

1. An app that can translate what your dog/cat is saying

When he's staring at the neighbour's cat with his sausage out I'm really not sure I would like to know...

mouth

The only thing missing from the world is a function on your mobile that cancels a text message, like one you didn't mean to send. Sort of like sucking a fart back in.

secretsam

X-ray specs that can see through clothes.
An invisibility machine
Aftershave that makes me irresistible to women

I decided to be honest...

smoggysteve

Capt Slog wrote:

Defunct now with newer cars, but at one time when they looked like this...



and following several incidents, I wanted to invent a car aerial that somehow knew when it was being deliberately bent.

When this happened it would explode blowing off the fingers that were bending it. Impossible I know, but one can dream.

Did you ever consider inventing a bike that was also a pipe bomb that would blow the nads off a thief as he rode away on it. Sure you wouldn't get your bike back but a hell of a deterrent

bbrap

SmoggySteve wrote:

Did you ever consider inventing a bike that was also a pipe bomb that would blow the nads off a thief as he rode away on it. Sure you wouldn't get your bike back but a hell of a deterrent

That is rather drastic. A spring loaded razor blade that pops up through the saddle would do the job. All you would need to do is follow the trail of blood. Might need to wash the bike after though.

seanoconn

Collapsible, soundproof, soft play cage, with room enough for 2 children.