Cheer me up

joelsim

Coopster the 1st wrote:

SecretSam wrote:

So:
- I have a chest infection so I can't ride
- My marriage is splitting up
- I'm 48, overweight and balding
- I have a tonne of work to do but am supposed to be on hols
- It's Christmas (which I loathe)

What can you wonderful folks do to cheer me up?

Be thankful that you are not JeolSim. Read his posts over the last 6 months and you'll see how individuals are in control of our own self destruction and how he has brought everything on himself

Ha ha ha. You nationalist moron Coopster.

Anyway it could be worse Sam, we could have Brexit on the horizon too, as promoted by people like Coopster.

veronese68

Coopster the 1st wrote:

Be thankful that you are not JeolSim. Read his posts over the last 6 months and you'll see how individuals are in control of our own self destruction and how he has brought everything on himself

Everybody else comes up with something light hearted and cheerful yet you take it as an opportunity to have a pop at someone else. Says more about you I'd say. :roll:

chris_bass

why did the baker's hand smell?



he kneaded a poo

joelsim

Have a watch/listen to this Sam, I was crying for the duration.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1q-Y20uExc&t=158s

Matthewfalle

Joel sim is awfully aggressive though isn't he?

If he's like this when he's chilled you wouldn't want to make him angry.

Anyhow, two elephants fell off a cliff.
















Boom boom.

mamba80

Little Johnny once bought his Grandma a very nice, luxurious toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn't in the bathroom.

Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”

“Darling, I'm sorry but I just didn’t like it. It was too scratchy. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper.”

joelsim

Matthewfalle wrote:

Joel sim is awfully aggressive though isn't he?

If he's like this when he's chilled you wouldn't want to make him angry.

Anyhow, two elephants fell off a cliff.

Boom boom.

Only towards Brexiters/nationalists/racists Matthew, those people who have no one's interests at heart.

mr_goo

The other day I was going up to the shops so I thought I'd ask my elderly neighbour Mrs Trevorrow if she wanted anything whilst I was out. Her being a widow in her 80s and all.
She asked asked me if I could get her a vibrator. I said are you sure, thinking I may have misheard her. She was quite adamant stating that she'd always wanted to try one.
Anyhow I managed to find one for her and two weeks later I saw her pottering around in the back garden and asked her how she was getting on with it.
"Bloody fantastic" she said "But the only criticism I've got is it's chipping the enamel off my teeth something wrotten".

Matthewfalle

Joelsim wrote:

Matthewfalle wrote:

Joel sim is awfully aggressive though isn't he?

If he's like this when he's chilled you wouldn't want to make him angry.

Anyhow, two elephants fell off a cliff.

Boom boom.

Only towards Brexiters/nationalists/racists Matthew, those people who have no one's interests at heart.

Am I included as a figure of hate? If so, oh, that's a bit harsh.

secretsam

SmoggySteve wrote:

I leave you a gun on the table and patiently wait in the other room.

Merry Christmas

Thanks. Did I mention my acute depression? No? Oh. Thanks for the thought anyway

homers_double

Read your own signature pal, it'll come right eventually.

rolf_f

Mr Goo wrote:

The other day I was going up to the shops so I thought I'd ask my elderly neighbour Mrs Trevorrow if she wanted anything whilst I was out. Her being a widow in her 80s and all.
She asked asked me if I could get her a vibrator. I said are you sure, thinking I may have misheard her. She was quite adamant stating that she'd always wanted to try one.
Anyhow I managed to find one for her and two weeks later I saw her pottering around in the back garden and asked her how she was getting on with it.
"Bloody fantastic" she said "But the only criticism I've got is it's chipping the enamel off my teeth something wrotten".

I'm sorry. Mambas toilet brush joke works but yours? Am I expected to believe that your neighbour would ask for a vibrator instead of an electric toothbrush? (just because she's elderly does not mean she has alzheimers - you should be ashamed of yourself) And am I expected to believe that it would chip the enamel off her teeth? I mean, I'm prepared to suspend disbelief to a point but this pushes it too far. I think we all would like to think that we can open this thread and expect a certain quality of joke in it and yours is just not up to the mark.

rick_chasey

Can't claim credit for the joke, but I got rid of my vacuum cleaner the other day.

All it was doing was collecting dust.

homers_double

Thats vacumist and I'm deeply offended.

crescent

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? Nacho Cheese.

Do you know you can't watch The Flintstones in Dubai but you can in Abu Dhabi? Apparently, Dubai don't get The Cartoon Network channel........but Abu Dhabi do.

I'll get me coat......

veronese68

Rolf F wrote:

Mr Goo wrote:

The other day I was going up to the shops so I thought I'd ask my elderly neighbour Mrs Trevorrow if she wanted anything whilst I was out. Her being a widow in her 80s and all.
She asked asked me if I could get her a vibrator. I said are you sure, thinking I may have misheard her. She was quite adamant stating that she'd always wanted to try one.
Anyhow I managed to find one for her and two weeks later I saw her pottering around in the back garden and asked her how she was getting on with it.
"Bloody fantastic" she said "But the only criticism I've got is it's chipping the enamel off my teeth something wrotten".

I'm sorry. Mambas toilet brush joke works but yours? Am I expected to believe that your neighbour would ask for a vibrator instead of an electric toothbrush? (just because she's elderly does not mean she has alzheimers - you should be ashamed of yourself) And am I expected to believe that it would chip the enamel off her teeth? I mean, I'm prepared to suspend disbelief to a point but this pushes it too far. I think we all would like to think that we can open this thread and expect a certain quality of joke in it and yours is just not up to the mark.

A friend of my sister went to a boarding school when her parents were posted abroad. Electric toothbrushes were banned.

Stevo_666

Veronese68 wrote:

Rolf F wrote:

Mr Goo wrote:

The other day I was going up to the shops so I thought I'd ask my elderly neighbour Mrs Trevorrow if she wanted anything whilst I was out. Her being a widow in her 80s and all.
She asked asked me if I could get her a vibrator. I said are you sure, thinking I may have misheard her. She was quite adamant stating that she'd always wanted to try one.
Anyhow I managed to find one for her and two weeks later I saw her pottering around in the back garden and asked her how she was getting on with it.
"Bloody fantastic" she said "But the only criticism I've got is it's chipping the enamel off my teeth something wrotten".

I'm sorry. Mambas toilet brush joke works but yours? Am I expected to believe that your neighbour would ask for a vibrator instead of an electric toothbrush? (just because she's elderly does not mean she has alzheimers - you should be ashamed of yourself) And am I expected to believe that it would chip the enamel off her teeth? I mean, I'm prepared to suspend disbelief to a point but this pushes it too far. I think we all would like to think that we can open this thread and expect a certain quality of joke in it and yours is just not up to the mark.

A friend of my sister went to a boarding school when her parents were posted abroad. Electric toothbrushes were banned.

And long handled hair brushes at one place I heard about.

veronese68

Sugar free gummy bear reviews.

rolf_f

Veronese68 wrote:

Rolf F wrote:

Mr Goo wrote:

The other day I was going up to the shops so I thought I'd ask my elderly neighbour Mrs Trevorrow if she wanted anything whilst I was out. Her being a widow in her 80s and all.
She asked asked me if I could get her a vibrator. I said are you sure, thinking I may have misheard her. She was quite adamant stating that she'd always wanted to try one.
Anyhow I managed to find one for her and two weeks later I saw her pottering around in the back garden and asked her how she was getting on with it.
"Bloody fantastic" she said "But the only criticism I've got is it's chipping the enamel off my teeth something wrotten".

I'm sorry. Mambas toilet brush joke works but yours? Am I expected to believe that your neighbour would ask for a vibrator instead of an electric toothbrush? (just because she's elderly does not mean she has alzheimers - you should be ashamed of yourself) And am I expected to believe that it would chip the enamel off her teeth? I mean, I'm prepared to suspend disbelief to a point but this pushes it too far. I think we all would like to think that we can open this thread and expect a certain quality of joke in it and yours is just not up to the mark.

A friend of my sister went to a boarding school when her parents were posted abroad. Electric toothbrushes were banned.

If I were her I'd get tooth decay and sue the school......

Veronese68 wrote:

Sugar free gummy bear reviews.

Cheap colonic irrigation!

Stevo_666

Anyone remember the old Picolax thread on the STW forum?
http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/

mrfpb

Stevo 666 wrote:

Anyone remember the old Picolax thread on the STW forum?
http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/

That's cruel - trying to read that while trying to avoid laughter due to a chest infection will be a painful experience.

Plus I'm not going to be able to type for the rest of the day without laughing or wincing at the images in my head.

Stevo_666

mrfpb wrote:

Stevo 666 wrote:

Anyone remember the old Picolax thread on the STW forum?
http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/

That's cruel - trying to read that while trying to avoid laughter due to a chest infection will be a painful experience.

Plus I'm not going to be able to type for the rest of the day without laughing or wincing at the images in my head.

I waited until my broken rib had healed before re-reading that thread.

MikeBrew

Donald Trump's next tweet is likely to end your suffering...........And everyone else's in the world :idea:

Stevo_666

MikeBrew wrote:

Donald Trump's next tweet is likely to end your suffering...........And everyone else's in the world :idea:

Not if you slip some Picolax into his drink.

mrfpb

homers double wrote:

Thats vacumist and I'm deeply offended.

Do you self-idenify as a vacuum cleaner, or is it that your singificant other is a hoover.

Roll with me, Henry! indeed.

secretsam

Stevo 666 wrote:

Anyone remember the old Picolax thread on the STW forum?
http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/

Thanks. I just pee'd myself.

Believe it or not, I recently wrote a business case for an endoscopy unit, so spent a lot of time with the docs and nurses. No doubt that thread describes an average day

crumbschief

Well it's no secret but i have to say that i love you SecretSam ,take it easy man and enjoy yourself

mrfpb

This thread

viewtopic.php?f=40088&t=13074210

plus Spotify should be all you need for a few hours enjoyment.

Stevo_666

SecretSam wrote:

Stevo 666 wrote:

Anyone remember the old Picolax thread on the STW forum?
http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/

Thanks. I just pee'd myself.

Believe it or not, I recently wrote a business case for an endoscopy unit, so spent a lot of time with the docs and nurses. No doubt that thread describes an average day

Glad to be of service. Time for a few beers...