Cheer me up

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Comments

  • joelsim
    joelsim Posts: 7,552
    edited December 2016
    SecretSam wrote:
    So:
    - I have a chest infection so I can't ride
    - My marriage is splitting up
    - I'm 48, overweight and balding
    - I have a tonne of work to do but am supposed to be on hols
    - It's Christmas (which I loathe)

    What can you wonderful folks do to cheer me up? :lol:

    Be thankful that you are not JeolSim. Read his posts over the last 6 months and you'll see how individuals are in control of our own self destruction and how he has brought everything on himself

    Ha ha ha. You nationalist moron Coopster.

    Anyway it could be worse Sam, we could have Brexit on the horizon too, as promoted by people like Coopster.
  • veronese68
    veronese68 Posts: 27,851
    Be thankful that you are not JeolSim. Read his posts over the last 6 months and you'll see how individuals are in control of our own self destruction and how he has brought everything on himself
    Everybody else comes up with something light hearted and cheerful yet you take it as an opportunity to have a pop at someone else. Says more about you I'd say. :roll:
  • chris_bass
    chris_bass Posts: 4,913
    why did the baker's hand smell?



    he kneaded a poo
    www.conjunctivitis.com - a site for sore eyes
  • joelsim
    joelsim Posts: 7,552
    Have a watch/listen to this Sam, I was crying for the duration.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1q-Y20uExc&t=158s
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    Joel sim is awfully aggressive though isn't he?

    If he's like this when he's chilled you wouldn't want to make him angry.

    Anyhow, two elephants fell off a cliff.
















    Boom boom.
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • mamba80
    mamba80 Posts: 5,032
    Little Johnny once bought his Grandma a very nice, luxurious toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn't in the bathroom.

    Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”

    “Darling, I'm sorry but I just didn’t like it. It was too scratchy. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper.”
  • joelsim
    joelsim Posts: 7,552
    Joel sim is awfully aggressive though isn't he?

    If he's like this when he's chilled you wouldn't want to make him angry.

    Anyhow, two elephants fell off a cliff.

    Boom boom.

    Only towards Brexiters/nationalists/racists Matthew, those people who have no one's interests at heart.
  • mr_goo
    mr_goo Posts: 3,770
    The other day I was going up to the shops so I thought I'd ask my elderly neighbour Mrs Trevorrow if she wanted anything whilst I was out. Her being a widow in her 80s and all.
    She asked asked me if I could get her a vibrator. I said are you sure, thinking I may have misheard her. She was quite adamant stating that she'd always wanted to try one.
    Anyhow I managed to find one for her and two weeks later I saw her pottering around in the back garden and asked her how she was getting on with it.
    "Bloody fantastic" she said "But the only criticism I've got is it's chipping the enamel off my teeth something wrotten".
    Always be yourself, unless you can be Aaron Rodgers....Then always be Aaron Rodgers.
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    Joelsim wrote:
    Joel sim is awfully aggressive though isn't he?

    If he's like this when he's chilled you wouldn't want to make him angry.

    Anyhow, two elephants fell off a cliff.

    Boom boom.

    Only towards Brexiters/nationalists/racists Matthew, those people who have no one's interests at heart.

    Am I included as a figure of hate? If so, oh, that's a bit harsh.
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,120
    I leave you a gun on the table and patiently wait in the other room.

    Merry Christmas

    Thanks. Did I mention my acute depression? No? Oh. Thanks for the thought anyway

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • Read your own signature pal, it'll come right eventually.
    Advocate of disc brakes.
  • rolf_f
    rolf_f Posts: 16,015
    Mr Goo wrote:
    The other day I was going up to the shops so I thought I'd ask my elderly neighbour Mrs Trevorrow if she wanted anything whilst I was out. Her being a widow in her 80s and all.
    She asked asked me if I could get her a vibrator. I said are you sure, thinking I may have misheard her. She was quite adamant stating that she'd always wanted to try one.
    Anyhow I managed to find one for her and two weeks later I saw her pottering around in the back garden and asked her how she was getting on with it.
    "Bloody fantastic" she said "But the only criticism I've got is it's chipping the enamel off my teeth something wrotten".

    I'm sorry. Mambas toilet brush joke works but yours? Am I expected to believe that your neighbour would ask for a vibrator instead of an electric toothbrush? (just because she's elderly does not mean she has alzheimers - you should be ashamed of yourself) And am I expected to believe that it would chip the enamel off her teeth? I mean, I'm prepared to suspend disbelief to a point but this pushes it too far. I think we all would like to think that we can open this thread and expect a certain quality of joke in it and yours is just not up to the mark.
    Faster than a tent.......
  • rick_chasey
    rick_chasey Posts: 75,660
    Can't claim credit for the joke, but I got rid of my vacuum cleaner the other day.

    All it was doing was collecting dust.
  • Thats vacumist and I'm deeply offended.
    Advocate of disc brakes.
  • crescent
    crescent Posts: 1,201
    What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? Nacho Cheese.

    Do you know you can't watch The Flintstones in Dubai but you can in Abu Dhabi? Apparently, Dubai don't get The Cartoon Network channel........but Abu Dhabi do.

    I'll get me coat......
    Bianchi ImpulsoBMC Teammachine SLR02 01Trek Domane AL3“When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. “ ~H.G. Wells Edit - "Unless it's a BMX"
  • veronese68
    veronese68 Posts: 27,851
    Rolf F wrote:
    Mr Goo wrote:
    The other day I was going up to the shops so I thought I'd ask my elderly neighbour Mrs Trevorrow if she wanted anything whilst I was out. Her being a widow in her 80s and all.
    She asked asked me if I could get her a vibrator. I said are you sure, thinking I may have misheard her. She was quite adamant stating that she'd always wanted to try one.
    Anyhow I managed to find one for her and two weeks later I saw her pottering around in the back garden and asked her how she was getting on with it.
    "Bloody fantastic" she said "But the only criticism I've got is it's chipping the enamel off my teeth something wrotten".

    I'm sorry. Mambas toilet brush joke works but yours? Am I expected to believe that your neighbour would ask for a vibrator instead of an electric toothbrush? (just because she's elderly does not mean she has alzheimers - you should be ashamed of yourself) And am I expected to believe that it would chip the enamel off her teeth? I mean, I'm prepared to suspend disbelief to a point but this pushes it too far. I think we all would like to think that we can open this thread and expect a certain quality of joke in it and yours is just not up to the mark.
    A friend of my sister went to a boarding school when her parents were posted abroad. Electric toothbrushes were banned.
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,673
    Veronese68 wrote:
    Rolf F wrote:
    Mr Goo wrote:
    The other day I was going up to the shops so I thought I'd ask my elderly neighbour Mrs Trevorrow if she wanted anything whilst I was out. Her being a widow in her 80s and all.
    She asked asked me if I could get her a vibrator. I said are you sure, thinking I may have misheard her. She was quite adamant stating that she'd always wanted to try one.
    Anyhow I managed to find one for her and two weeks later I saw her pottering around in the back garden and asked her how she was getting on with it.
    "Bloody fantastic" she said "But the only criticism I've got is it's chipping the enamel off my teeth something wrotten".

    I'm sorry. Mambas toilet brush joke works but yours? Am I expected to believe that your neighbour would ask for a vibrator instead of an electric toothbrush? (just because she's elderly does not mean she has alzheimers - you should be ashamed of yourself) And am I expected to believe that it would chip the enamel off her teeth? I mean, I'm prepared to suspend disbelief to a point but this pushes it too far. I think we all would like to think that we can open this thread and expect a certain quality of joke in it and yours is just not up to the mark.
    A friend of my sister went to a boarding school when her parents were posted abroad. Electric toothbrushes were banned.
    And long handled hair brushes at one place I heard about.
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • rolf_f
    rolf_f Posts: 16,015
    Veronese68 wrote:
    Rolf F wrote:
    Mr Goo wrote:
    The other day I was going up to the shops so I thought I'd ask my elderly neighbour Mrs Trevorrow if she wanted anything whilst I was out. Her being a widow in her 80s and all.
    She asked asked me if I could get her a vibrator. I said are you sure, thinking I may have misheard her. She was quite adamant stating that she'd always wanted to try one.
    Anyhow I managed to find one for her and two weeks later I saw her pottering around in the back garden and asked her how she was getting on with it.
    "Bloody fantastic" she said "But the only criticism I've got is it's chipping the enamel off my teeth something wrotten".

    I'm sorry. Mambas toilet brush joke works but yours? Am I expected to believe that your neighbour would ask for a vibrator instead of an electric toothbrush? (just because she's elderly does not mean she has alzheimers - you should be ashamed of yourself) And am I expected to believe that it would chip the enamel off her teeth? I mean, I'm prepared to suspend disbelief to a point but this pushes it too far. I think we all would like to think that we can open this thread and expect a certain quality of joke in it and yours is just not up to the mark.
    A friend of my sister went to a boarding school when her parents were posted abroad. Electric toothbrushes were banned.

    If I were her I'd get tooth decay and sue the school......
    Veronese68 wrote:

    Cheap colonic irrigation!
    Faster than a tent.......
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,673
    Anyone remember the old Picolax thread on the STW forum?
    http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • mrfpb
    mrfpb Posts: 4,569
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    Anyone remember the old Picolax thread on the STW forum?
    http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/


    That's cruel - trying to read that while trying to avoid laughter due to a chest infection will be a painful experience.

    Plus I'm not going to be able to type for the rest of the day without laughing or wincing at the images in my head.
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,673
    mrfpb wrote:
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    Anyone remember the old Picolax thread on the STW forum?
    http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/


    That's cruel - trying to read that while trying to avoid laughter due to a chest infection will be a painful experience.

    Plus I'm not going to be able to type for the rest of the day without laughing or wincing at the images in my head.
    I waited until my broken rib had healed before re-reading that thread.
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • MikeBrew
    MikeBrew Posts: 814
    Donald Trump's next tweet is likely to end your suffering...........And everyone else's in the world :idea:
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,673
    MikeBrew wrote:
    Donald Trump's next tweet is likely to end your suffering...........And everyone else's in the world :idea:
    Not if you slip some Picolax into his drink.
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • mrfpb
    mrfpb Posts: 4,569
    Thats vacumist and I'm deeply offended.

    Do you self-idenify as a vacuum cleaner, or is it that your singificant other is a hoover.

    Roll with me, Henry! indeed.
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,120
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    Anyone remember the old Picolax thread on the STW forum?
    http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/

    Thanks. I just pee'd myself.

    Believe it or not, I recently wrote a business case for an endoscopy unit, so spent a lot of time with the docs and nurses. No doubt that thread describes an average day

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • crumbschief
    crumbschief Posts: 3,399
    Well it's no secret but i have to say that i love you SecretSam ,take it easy man and enjoy yourself :)
  • mrfpb
    mrfpb Posts: 4,569
    This thread

    viewtopic.php?f=40088&t=13074210

    plus Spotify should be all you need for a few hours enjoyment.
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,673
    SecretSam wrote:
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    Anyone remember the old Picolax thread on the STW forum?
    http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/

    Thanks. I just pee'd myself.

    Believe it or not, I recently wrote a business case for an endoscopy unit, so spent a lot of time with the docs and nurses. No doubt that thread describes an average day
    :)

    Glad to be of service. Time for a few beers...
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]