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Jokes thread (been a long time since the last one)

finchyfinchy Posts: 6,686
edited November 2016 in The cake stop
A tangent walks into a bar and says to the barman, "I'll have a bowl of tomato soup, a ploughman's lunch and a pint of cider, please."
"Sorry," says the barman, "we don't cater for functions."


  • vimfuegovimfuego Posts: 1,783
    edited November 2016
    Apparently Donald Trump is going to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese if he becomes President.......

    ........he wants to make America grate again

    (I'll get me coat)
    Surrey Hills
    What's a Zwift?
  • 964cup964cup Posts: 1,362
    I'll just leave this here: ... &t=1550360

    There are 7 previous volumes...
  • Stevo walks into a bar

  • How do you tell the Irish pirate apart from the rest? He has a patch over both eyes.

  • Bungalows are well and good but they do have one major floor
  • bompingtonbompington Posts: 7,674
    964Cup wrote:
    I'll just leave this here: ... &t=1550360

    There are 7 previous volumes...
    Thanks for that, 10 minutes of my life... well, not actually wasted, it was quite encouraging to be reminded that BR is in fact a paragon of wit and civilised discourse by comparison with some other places on the web.
  • bompingtonbompington Posts: 7,674
    Did you hear the one about the man who was run over by a train?

    He was chuffed to bits
  • Garry HGarry H Posts: 6,639
    Why did the baker have smelly hands?

    He kneaded a poo (told to me by a six year old)
  • byke68byke68 Posts: 1,070
    I recently made myself a belt made up of wrist watches but it ended up being a waist of time........
    Cannondale Trail 6 - censored brakes!
    Cannondale CAAD8
  • QuinsQuins Posts: 239
    I used to play triangle in a reggae band. Just stood at the back and ting.
  • byke68byke68 Posts: 1,070
    Yesterday, I ate a clock, it was very time consuming, especially when I went back for seconds........
    Cannondale Trail 6 - censored brakes!
    Cannondale CAAD8
  • Garry HGarry H Posts: 6,639
    Somebody complimented my driving today, thety left a note on my windscreen that said "Parking Fine"
  • crumbschiefcrumbschief Posts: 3,399
    Aggie and jock were out on a date

    Aggie said Jock, put your haund up ma kilt

    She did and said 'Oh Jock its gruesome' and withdrew her hand

    'Aggie.... put you haund up ma kilt again'

    She did

    'Oh Jock, its gruesome more'
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