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Can someone write a poem about the off season...

specialgueststarspecialgueststar Posts: 3,369
edited October 2015 in Pro race
...or commission Ted Hughes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSvVf4XoHZw

Posts

  • iainf72iainf72 Posts: 15,784
    There is a hole in the sky
    Where the rain comes in
    The hole is small
    That's why we've not had a wet Paris-Roubaix for decades
    Fckin' Quintana … that creep can roll, man.
  • No_Ta_DoctorNo_Ta_Doctor Posts: 11,190
    When the racing stops
    The riders get fat
    And the forum topics
    Turn to doping chat

    ............

    Is cavendish finished?
    Look at this picture
    A single angle, unfortunate?
    He's just breathing in
    No, he's fat

    ........

    I got passed by that rider yesterday
    Going hard but hardly breathing
    Saw his ride on strava
    He'd already done 200k
    Was just warming down
    Can't wait for MSR
    “Road racing was over and the UCI had banned my riding positions on the track, so it was like ‘Jings, crivvens, help ma Boab, what do I do now? I know, I’ll go away and be depressed for 10 years’.”

    @DrHeadgear

    The Vikings are coming!
  • ddraverddraver Posts: 23,205
    Qatar is coming
    Cav is getting fat
    Please put a contract in Pizzato's cap

    If you havent got a contract
    A naked ad for free

    If you havent got a naked ad
    then god bless Friebe
    We're in danger of confusing passion with incompetence
    - @ddraver
  • salsiccia1salsiccia1 Posts: 3,716
    Qatar is coming
    Cav is getting fat
    Please put a contract in Pizzato's cap

    If you havent got a contract
    A naked ad for free

    If you havent got a naked ad
    then god bless Friebe

    *applause*
    It's only a bit of sport, Mun. Relax and enjoy the racing.
  • Qatar is coming
    Cav is getting fat
    Please put a contract in Pizzato's cap

    If you havent got a contract
    A naked ad for free

    If you havent got a naked ad
    then god bless Friebe


    Geologist AND Poet
  • salsiccia1salsiccia1 Posts: 3,716
    Oleg, Oleg, give Bjarne your answer true
    He's half crazy buying the team off you
    It won't be a massive offer
    Scandal has emptied his coffers
    But Riis will look sweet
    Upon the seat
    Of a team car instead of you
    It's only a bit of sport, Mun. Relax and enjoy the racing.
  • RichN95.RichN95. Posts: 25,491
    edited October 2015
    I'm meant to be doing the registrations for my hockey club today. This is the result of my procrastination.

    Based on the early verses of We Didn't Light the Fire by Billy Joel. Sing-a-long if you like (if you need a reminder: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g )



    Mikel Landa, Fab Aru, Pistolero beat those two,
    Wiggo's Hour, Lizzie's Worlds, Greipel sprints for four,
    Peter Sagan second place, It's too hot we will not race,
    Level crossing, Wheel change, Cocaine at Le Tour

    Richie Porte, Dumoulin, Alex Kristoff, Zakarin,
    Pauline FP rainbow three, Kittel on the sick,
    Kiryienka wins TTs, Stan brings Etixx to their knees,
    Velon cameras, disk brakes, data at a click

    Chris Froome yellow twice, roadside fans are not nice,
    Thibault Pinot on the Alpe, Valverde number one,
    Taylor Phinney back again, poor Purito still can't win,
    Abu Dhabi, Alpine Lacets, tributes at Verdun

    Nibbles holds onto a car, Chaves is a YouTube star,
    Belgian wind, Armstrong film, Geraint hits a pole,
    Steve Cummings robs the French, Tinkov twitter nonsense,
    CIRC report, Nairo Q, Yorkshire on a roll

    Degenkolb at Roubaix, what more is there left to say
    Turn the light off, shut the door - Twenty fifteen is no more
    Twitter: @RichN95
  • mfinmfin Posts: 6,724
    Please, make it stop! Poetry is bad enough as it is. Plus I've only got a handful of posts left until I retire and I don't want to have to use any more of them on this.
  • ddraverddraver Posts: 23,205
    There are some young men in the Clinic
    Who on Froomedog pretend they are cynics
    Vayer made up some data*
    got them all in a lather
    Proving being a critic's no picnic

    (*have to pronounce that dah tah, like the aussies)
    We're in danger of confusing passion with incompetence
    - @ddraver
  • mpattsmpatts Posts: 1,010
    His gaze drifted over the hedges as he pedaled
    He began to smile as a horse pricked its ears in his direction
    This was no DI2 equiped steed; this was steel
    A change in elevetion results in a slowing of cadence, a reach to a down tube to pull a lever backwards
    No HR, no Power Meter, no intervals, destination, or target
    No aero helmet or neck ache
    Thoughts drift to the pleasures of the season past - few and far between but there none-the-less
    His legs had never felt this good.
    Do you see the difference?
    Insert bike here:
  • ddraverddraver Posts: 23,205
    Is this a victory I see before me?
    The line spread out across the road
    Come, let me clutch thee
    I have thee not, and yet I race on still
    Art though not, winning vision, sensible to Sagan as to Greips
    Or art though, but a second on the line,
    a false creation proceeding from the sports gel addled mind
    I see thee yet, at World Champ'onships
    which to now I must go
    Thou marshall'st me to attack the cobbled hill
    and distance the belgian who too oft seconds
    My talents make straights of these corners
    this is worth all the rest. I race on still
    And on my jersey and shorts, rainbow stripes
    which were not there before. Keep on racing
    'Tis for the spoils of winning
    (and for world peace) I must o'er this race preside
    We're in danger of confusing passion with incompetence
    - @ddraver
  • No_Ta_DoctorNo_Ta_Doctor Posts: 11,190
    Winter is coming
    Falling leaves has been ridden
    Betancur eats cake
    “Road racing was over and the UCI had banned my riding positions on the track, so it was like ‘Jings, crivvens, help ma Boab, what do I do now? I know, I’ll go away and be depressed for 10 years’.”

    @DrHeadgear

    The Vikings are coming!
  • No_Ta_DoctorNo_Ta_Doctor Posts: 11,190
    Cross bikes mud and beer,
    Madison handslings in Ghent,
    Cycling never ends
    “Road racing was over and the UCI had banned my riding positions on the track, so it was like ‘Jings, crivvens, help ma Boab, what do I do now? I know, I’ll go away and be depressed for 10 years’.”

    @DrHeadgear

    The Vikings are coming!
  • RichN95.RichN95. Posts: 25,491
    edited October 2015
    Please, make it stop! Poetry is bad enough as it is. Plus I've only got a handful of posts left until I retire and I don't want to have to use any more of them on this.
    Bloody philistine.

    And why are you retiring. 5000 posts isn't retirement age. 30000 is - like Frenchie.

    I miss Frenchie.

    O Frenchie, Frenchie, wherefore art thou Frenchie?
    Deny thy Bertie and refuse thy log-in;

    What's in a name? that which we call Frenchie
    By any other name would a post be as shite;


    (For pedants, I am aware that 'wherefore art' means 'why are you' rather than 'where are you')
    Twitter: @RichN95
  • ridgeriderridgerider Posts: 2,843
    Nothing...
    Absolutely nothing...
    Over to Parts For Sale,
    for a project till the Spring.
    Half man, Half bike
  • salsiccia1salsiccia1 Posts: 3,716
    Is this a victory I see before me?
    The line spread out across the road
    Come, let me clutch thee
    I have thee not, and yet I race on still
    Art though not, winning vision, sensible to Sagan as to Greips
    Or art though, but a second on the line,
    a false creation proceeding from the sports gel addled mind
    I see thee yet, at World Champ'onships
    which to now I must go
    Thou marshall'st me to attack the cobbled hill
    and distance the belgian who too oft seconds
    My talents make straights of these corners
    this is worth all the rest. I race on still
    And on my jersey and shorts, rainbow stripes
    which were not there before. Keep on racing
    'Tis for the spoils of winning
    (and for world peace) I must o'er this race preside

    Quite brilliant.
    It's only a bit of sport, Mun. Relax and enjoy the racing.
  • RichN95.RichN95. Posts: 25,491
    Quite brilliant.
    Pah. Ripping off Shakespeare is easy. Appropriating Billy Joel is harder.

    Ripping off Aaron Sorkin (A Few Good Men) is also fairly easy. Here's Armstrong responding to USADA under oath
    You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has races. And those races have to be ridden by men with bikes. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Tygart? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Bassons and you curse the US Postal Service. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Bassons's retirement, while tragic, probably won me races. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins races...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that mountain. You need me on that mountain.
    We use words like omerta, syringe, transfusion...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent winning something. You use 'em as evidence. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very entertainment I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a blood bag and find a vein. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

    Did you order the blood bag?
    I did the job you sent me to do.
    Did you order the blood bag?
    You're goddamn right I did!!
    Twitter: @RichN95
  • WheelspinnerWheelspinner Posts: 5,426
    ^^^ Hat tip. Well done that man
    Open O-1.0 Open One+ BMC TE29 Titus Racer X Ti Giant MCM One Cannondale Prophet Lefty Cannondale Super V SL Cove Handjob Cervelo RS
  • ddraverddraver Posts: 23,205
    You get an indication of what we all did for GCSE English eh??
    We're in danger of confusing passion with incompetence
    - @ddraver
  • mfinmfin Posts: 6,724
    Please, make it stop! Poetry is bad enough as it is. Plus I've only got a handful of posts left until I retire and I don't want to have to use any more of them on this.
    Bloody philistine.

    And why are you retiring. 5000 posts isn't retirement age. 30000 is - like Frenchie.

    I miss Frenchie.

    O Frenchie, Frenchie, wherefore art thou Frenchie?
    Deny thy Bertie and refuse thy log-in;

    What's in a name? that which we call Frenchie
    By any other name would a post be as shite;


    (For pedants, I am aware that 'wherefore art' means 'why are you' rather than 'where are you')

    I was taking the p1ss, a post count is a number, it means sod all to anyone with a brain right? :)

    Seriously though, please stop the poetry lads, where's your selfrecockingspect?
  • rick_chaseyrick_chasey Posts: 57,349 Lives Here
    Cash Rules Everything Around Me
    CREAM, get the money
    Dollar dollar bill y'all


    Or something like that.
  • ddraverddraver Posts: 23,205

    Seriously though, please stop the poetry lads, where's your selfrecockingspect?

    There was a young man called mfin
    who whined and bitched 'bout everything
    His gripes and his hates
    no forum would rate
    No wonder frenchfighter had blocked him
    We're in danger of confusing passion with incompetence
    - @ddraver
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