Pinno's pedalling jackanory thread.
pinno
Posts: 52,463
What a day. Sun high in the sky. Didn't actually set off till the phone stopped ringing. A southerly breeze so headed out towards the badlands; combine country. Flat into the headwind for 20 miles until it went upwards and it went upwards, no doubt about that.
Passed a few joggers all a bit red in the face and wondered why the hell most of them do it. I reckon 70% of joggers shouldn't jog. They are flat footed, seemingly too heavy for their legs to carry them properly.
After the first big climb, the road descends very gradually for 3 miles into no where land. Great you may think but some twazzock in the roads department decided to put that cheap tarmacking where they pour hot tar and gravel on top. Totally wrecked the descent...and the next climb...and the next descent. F*ckers. How dare they spoil such a great day. It will only wash off in the next rainfall and expose the potholes it failed to obscure.
So here's me, 35 miles in and dawdling at 15mph, trying in vain to find any remaining Haribo that maybe hidden away amongst the bits and bobs in pocket number 1, adjacent to pocket number 2 which has phone, CO2 cartridges, CO2 dispenser, tubes, money, tyre levers, allen keys... Then, some large bloke with his knees sticking out passes me. This isn't the first time and he rides a Lapierre road bike. I mean what sort of cup cake rides a Lapierre road bike? I cannot be passed by a cup cake on a Lapierre road bike (again) and I resent his condescending greeting anyway. I decide that given his size and the impending 3 small hills that Lapierre bloke needs putting in his place - if it were all flat, i'd give it a miss. I catch up with him which was easier than latching on to a passing tractor and he's going at a fair pace - 19 to 20 mph. The road goes upwards, Lapierre bloke is pedalling like a fruit cake on speed as he realises that little 'ole me is behind him. The knees suggest the saddle is a little low and the multiple gear changes and odd noises emanating from him also suggest that uphill is a bit trickier for him.
Knowing that there are a further 2 hills to climb, I decide on being patient and see what effect the ascents have on him and then stick it to Lapierre bloke, right in the core of his ego. Sure enough the short descents between the net gain of increasing height, Lapierre bloke goes like the clappers but sitting in his slipstream is as good as sitting in the draught of a tractor. I wait, not unlike the bloke in the Guinness ad, out of shape but wily.
Final climb and Lapierre's pedalling has all gone to pot. At what seems like 150 rpm, he cannot find a gear that he either likes or can pull away from me. It's like chess with a mime artist not a word spoken but the mime artist knows i'm on top and he is not going to be able to fake anything, least of all his climbing ability. Rounding the top of the climb, Lapierre bloke is making the sort of noises that make me think that I may be phoning for an ambulance and this little game might backfire and i'll be feeling guilty of his demise. However, Lapierre bloke attempts to get into a descending gear in an obvious move to gain some advantage on the slow downhill but he's farqed and i've sat on his wheel for the last 5 miles, my only concern is that it is almost pan flat for the last 10 miles. I get into the big chain ring, drop back and pass him at 30 mph plus, put my head down and pedal like Lapierre bloke himself. When I dared to look behind thinking that I may have gained 100 yards, Lapierre bloke is a distant dot in the distance. Boy I felt smug.
Lapierre bloke may be a little hesitant to pass me from now on. Maybe he'll take up jogging.
Passed a few joggers all a bit red in the face and wondered why the hell most of them do it. I reckon 70% of joggers shouldn't jog. They are flat footed, seemingly too heavy for their legs to carry them properly.
After the first big climb, the road descends very gradually for 3 miles into no where land. Great you may think but some twazzock in the roads department decided to put that cheap tarmacking where they pour hot tar and gravel on top. Totally wrecked the descent...and the next climb...and the next descent. F*ckers. How dare they spoil such a great day. It will only wash off in the next rainfall and expose the potholes it failed to obscure.
So here's me, 35 miles in and dawdling at 15mph, trying in vain to find any remaining Haribo that maybe hidden away amongst the bits and bobs in pocket number 1, adjacent to pocket number 2 which has phone, CO2 cartridges, CO2 dispenser, tubes, money, tyre levers, allen keys... Then, some large bloke with his knees sticking out passes me. This isn't the first time and he rides a Lapierre road bike. I mean what sort of cup cake rides a Lapierre road bike? I cannot be passed by a cup cake on a Lapierre road bike (again) and I resent his condescending greeting anyway. I decide that given his size and the impending 3 small hills that Lapierre bloke needs putting in his place - if it were all flat, i'd give it a miss. I catch up with him which was easier than latching on to a passing tractor and he's going at a fair pace - 19 to 20 mph. The road goes upwards, Lapierre bloke is pedalling like a fruit cake on speed as he realises that little 'ole me is behind him. The knees suggest the saddle is a little low and the multiple gear changes and odd noises emanating from him also suggest that uphill is a bit trickier for him.
Knowing that there are a further 2 hills to climb, I decide on being patient and see what effect the ascents have on him and then stick it to Lapierre bloke, right in the core of his ego. Sure enough the short descents between the net gain of increasing height, Lapierre bloke goes like the clappers but sitting in his slipstream is as good as sitting in the draught of a tractor. I wait, not unlike the bloke in the Guinness ad, out of shape but wily.
Final climb and Lapierre's pedalling has all gone to pot. At what seems like 150 rpm, he cannot find a gear that he either likes or can pull away from me. It's like chess with a mime artist not a word spoken but the mime artist knows i'm on top and he is not going to be able to fake anything, least of all his climbing ability. Rounding the top of the climb, Lapierre bloke is making the sort of noises that make me think that I may be phoning for an ambulance and this little game might backfire and i'll be feeling guilty of his demise. However, Lapierre bloke attempts to get into a descending gear in an obvious move to gain some advantage on the slow downhill but he's farqed and i've sat on his wheel for the last 5 miles, my only concern is that it is almost pan flat for the last 10 miles. I get into the big chain ring, drop back and pass him at 30 mph plus, put my head down and pedal like Lapierre bloke himself. When I dared to look behind thinking that I may have gained 100 yards, Lapierre bloke is a distant dot in the distance. Boy I felt smug.
Lapierre bloke may be a little hesitant to pass me from now on. Maybe he'll take up jogging.
seanoconn - gruagach craic!
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Comments
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Can we summarise this as 'I was faster than a fat tw@t on a more expensive bike''?
"I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]0 -
Faster than a fat tw@t after he'd sat on his tail for 5 miles conserving energy.Can we summarise this as 'I was faster than a fat tw@t on a more expensive bike''? 0 -
Faster than a fat tw@t after he'd sat on his tail for 5 miles conserving energy.Can we summarise this as 'I was faster than a fat tw@t on a more expensive bike''?
Yep, V68 nailed it a bit better. The Lapierre with Ultegra and Mavic Ksyrium equipe's more expensive than my Wilier with C Record and Eurus wheels, nope.
Look out for the Lapppiere on ebay soon.
Don't they make crudder scaffolding too? seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
They sure do - I've got one...
Faster than a fat tw@t after he'd sat on his tail for 5 miles conserving energy.Can we summarise this as 'I was faster than a fat tw@t on a more expensive bike''?
Yep, V68 nailed it a bit better. The Lapierre with Ultegra and Mavic Ksyrium equipe's more expensive than my Wilier with C Record and Eurus wheels, nope.
Look out for the Lapppiere on ebay soon. Don't they make crudder scaffolding too?"I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]0 -
They sure do - I've got one...
Faster than a fat tw@t after he'd sat on his tail for 5 miles conserving energy.Can we summarise this as 'I was faster than a fat tw@t on a more expensive bike''?
Yep, V68 nailed it a bit better. The Lapierre with Ultegra and Mavic Ksyrium equipe's more expensive than my Wilier with C Record and Eurus wheels, nope.
Look out for the Lapppiere on ebay soon. Don't they make crudder scaffolding too?
Is it a full carbon job? Tw@t neighbour reckons that "weight isn't an issue whilst mountain biking". I think that is an excuse for being too tight to buy something half decent.seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
It's an issue if you use your legs to take you upwards instead of a van.Advocate of disc brakes.0
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It's an issue if you use your legs to take you upwards instead of a van.
stevo may accuse us of entrapment.seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
What''s new...It's an issue if you use your legs to take you upwards instead of a van.
stevo may accuse us of entrapment.
It's ally front triangle, carbon rear triangle. Not that makes much difference, it's a good 14kg."I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]0
