Management talk

rockmonkeysc

Most days I want to punch my manager for some reason but today got even closer because of the rubbish he came out with. He told the design team "we need to touch base to get a helicopter view of this project so I can get all our ducks in a row"
I walked out p1ssing myself laughing but wanting to tell him what a colossal penis he is.
Anyone else work with people like this?

thekickingmule

Yep. Not my boss, she's Glaswegian and completely down to Earth. She respects my knowledge and can take the piss as well as take it, therefore earning everyones respect.

The Estates manager however, it's a complete and utter moron. He used to work for the NHS and literally calls meetings left, right and centre. He never actuall does anything! He just goes from meeting to meeting and passing all the rubbish he says "he'll" do onto his underlings. He is slowing my project down at work and tries to be in charge, even though I'm the project manager. He is close to being punched by several members of staff

JBA

Oh gods, yes. My Departmental Manager is another one of those that just attends meetings but never seems to actually do anything. His latest piece of management speak BS is using the word 'solution' as a verb. e.g. I outlined a problem to him last week and he stated that we should have a meeting to solution the problem.

Is there a special training school somewhere for inefficient managers to learn to talk like a twat?

veronese68

If I had a manager that did that I'd laugh in his face, but so would the others in the office. We did have one that tried that kind of thing, he had a bit of a meltdown, got sacked and found god some time later. We think our constant pisstaking helped him on his way.
My last manager used to keep saying "At the end of the day..." and would get quite annoyed every time when I interjected with "...it's night." He never did stop saying it though.

FishFish

Frankly no. My boss is an American, living in London for years and is intelligent, constructive and gives me miles of leeway to do what I want in my job and is immediately available when I have a question to ask. He is by far the best boss that I have ever had on a personal and on a professional level. I have not really had a bad boss in my life - but have certainly seen many and had to work with some too. But it is not just management which can be difficult it can be other colleagues in the same job too. It is people who don't co-operate well that is the issue not just the management interactions - some of which can be helpful I have found.

thekickingmule

We've found that the Estates manager has found a new saying, which I'm guessing is based on what he's overheard around the building. In meetings, whilst asking questions he will throw in "I'm not trying to overcomplicate things, but..." YES YOU FECKIN' ARE!! You'll see the eyes rolling around the room

schmako

I worked with a colossal anus in my last job, so glad i've been outta there for 6 months now, life has improved drastically.

Life is too short to surround yourself with negative idiots.

Chris

My current boss is of course handsome and intelligent and should definitely give me a pay rise and a company car, perhaps a Ferrari 458.

I used to work somewhere where managers used the following terms on a regular basis, though:

Tripod thinking
Wrap-around visibility
Laser focus
Brand DNA

Also, they never actually just 'did' something. It was always 'actioned'. "Have you actioned that latest e-mail I sent you?" would mean "Did you read your email?"

oodboo

I think one of my managers has management buzzword of the day toilet paper or something. When you spot his word of the day it soon starts to grate on you. He went through a phase of over using the word indicative to the point where he stopped making sense.

I also get mailings from companies that are just a collection of buzzwords. Epson seem to have taken this to a new level with a recent mailing where I have no idea what the product they were promoting was.

Most of the time it's just the schools management teams that float buzzwords round trying to sound important and fortunately I don't have to deal with these people too often.

wilberforce

Playing Buzzword Bingo does at least make conference calls bearable.

Seems that the favourites from certain people within our (Marketing) team at the moment are "Elasticity" and "Synergistic".

It may at least help if they could actually explain what either term was supposed to mean

rockmonkeysc

I got my revenge today by telling my manager that his futile efforts to make a profit from a doomed project were just "rearranging deck chairs on the titanic" and that we should "galvanise current initiatives". No idea what it meant but it won a bet.

Clockworkmark31

Lean team dictates my mood at work everyday.

Buzz words more efficient and streamlined (we will take your ideas and ignore them or use them as our own).

We will use a stop watch and and take the fastest time you can do something and set that as a benchmark rather than take an average.

And we will do all of this whilst having a smug look on our faces knowing we have just asked you to do more and more and we will sit back and chill out.

Thats my thinking of most managers these days.

Clockworkmark31

But then you have the peoples managers who I will go out of my way to help.

Hate the difference, some managers just treat you like shit but demand more, but the managers who treat you normal I would do all I can for them.

Anyway my pet hate word from certain management is "we will do all of this, and all of the good stuff that comes with it" it has gone contagious in the company. Hate the saying!

rockmonkeysc

Im technically management but have no interest in it, I'm an engineer and that's all I'm interested in.I keep getting in trouble for saying the first words to come in to my head. As an example, my surveyor recently made excuses for not going to survey a job, I told him to "f##k off and measure the f##king thing". The HR department were not impressed.
I'm a strong believer in straight talking and sometimes that means I fire a few f##ks at people to make obvious my displeasure at their incompetence .

veronese68

If our HR department got upset at people swearing there'd be nobody left. Proper fisticuffs would be frowned upon I suspect. I did once get told off for pinning someone to a desk by the throat, but management did tell me I should have hit him harder so he couldn't complain.

russyh

Jeez chill out, he is just showing some 'Blue sky thinking' and will no doubt demonstrate soon what 'good looks like'

Stevo_666

I'm meant to be management of some sort, but if I ever start talking like that I want to be taken outside and shot. Then buried in a ditch.

paul.skibum

http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/

Been playing this on and off for 20 years with a wide variety of toss monkeys. My new job we have a picture of Bill Lumbergh on the wall because my boss (who isn't like him at all and is in fact a lovely lady) says touch base a fair bit. And we have TP reports. FFS.

tlw1

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19654717#p19654717]Stevo 666[/url] wrote:

I'm meant to be management of some sort, but if I ever start talking like that I want to be taken outside and shot. Then buried in a ditch.

I do throw the odd bit in, just to wind the minions up.

Stevo_666

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19654806#p19654806]matthew h[/url] wrote:

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19654717#p19654717]Stevo 666[/url] wrote:

I'm meant to be management of some sort, but if I ever start talking like that I want to be taken outside and shot. Then buried in a ditch.

I do throw the odd bit in, just to wind the minions up.

I wouldn't have thought you would need to use buzzwords to wind your minions up

tlw1

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19654823#p19654823]Stevo 666[/url] wrote:

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19654806#p19654806]matthew h[/url] wrote:

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19654717#p19654717]Stevo 666[/url] wrote:

I'm meant to be management of some sort, but if I ever start talking like that I want to be taken outside and shot. Then buried in a ditch.

I do throw the odd bit in, just to wind the minions up.

I wouldn't have thought you would need to use buzzwords to wind your minions up

Doing that bit extra ensures they post it on the web

sheepsteeth

we get a bit of where i work and it just makes me laugh. we especially seem to like to hit the ground running and i hear about pushing an envelope every so often. i am often surrounded by people who think outside of a box.

my least favourite thing is people who sign their emails with "REgards"

Stevo_666

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19655129#p19655129]sheepsteeth[/url] wrote:

we get a bit of where i work and it just makes me laugh. we especially seem to like to hit the ground running and i hear about pushing an envelope every so often. i am often surrounded by people who think outside of a box.

my least favourite thing is people who sign their emails with "REgards"

Oh hai! :P

Regards,
Stevo.

sheepsteeth

Regards is fine. nothing wrong with thatat all.

REgards is something Royal Engineers do. They like to find any opportunity to captalize the leters R and E when next to each other. No-one seems all that interested in being called REtards though.

veronese68

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19655321#p19655321]sheepsteeth[/url] wrote:

Regards is fine. nothing wrong with thatat all.

REgards is something Royal Engineers do. They like to find any opportunity to captalize the leters R and E when next to each other. No-one seems all that interested in being called REtards though.

I sometimes do that due to my fingers not keeping up and general incompetence. I am a cnut, but not necessarily for that REason.

tlw1

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19655321#p19655321]sheepsteeth[/url] wrote:

Regards is fine. nothing wrong with thatat all.

REgards is something Royal Engineers do. They like to find any opportunity to captalize the leters R and E when next to each other. No-one seems all that interested in being called REtards though.

they can type :shock:

rockmonkeysc

If I really want to worry people I sign off my emails with "warmest regards". Usually the recipient then avoids me like the plague for at least a week.

tlw1

KR works as people assume it means kind regards when it actually means killing retards

kirby700

Its the "At the end of the day" which were I work means....

I've fu ked up.. you have to work extra hours to correct it.

Wan ers...

Antm81

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19655321#p19655321]sheepsteeth[/url] wrote:

REgards is something Royal Engineers do. They like to find any opportunity to captalize the leters R and E when next to each other. No-one seems all that interested in being called REtards though.

I also find this a little cringe worthy and as such don't use it. Worst bit is that most of them doing should know better as they are a long way from being retards.

rockmonkeysc

Today I spent the morning in a quality meeting and the afternoon in an environmental meeting. I now agree that we must be more pro active and forward thinking. For the next meeting I will prepare by pro actively sharpening my axe in advance.