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Post your Top tips for Survival here

slowmartslowmart Posts: 4,039
edited November 2014 in The cake stop
So if your snowed in and lose your power, save your supplies :shock:

southie-style-beer-fridge.jpg
“Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to cycle and he will realize fishing is stupid and boring”

Desmond Tutu
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Posts

  • Send your wife to get supplies while you 'protect' the fort. If she doesn't return, visit justeat.co.uk
  • tlw1tlw1 Posts: 18,900
    Live exceptionally close to a brewery :)
  • capt_slogcapt_slog Posts: 3,446
    Don't eat the yellow snow.


    The older I get, the better I was.

  • gethincerigethinceri Posts: 1,124
    Masturbate furiously.
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,222
    Rig the rollers/turbo trainer to a dynamo.

    Fit a wood burner.

    Stock up on DVD's.

    Put a cow in the cellar/shed.

    Buy lots of flour and yeast.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,689
    Fat girls give off more heat while they're alive and go further when it's time to eat them.
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Put a cow in the cellar/shed.

    Won't your missus object to being relegated to the cellar :P
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 14,196
    Potatoes.
    You can eat them when you are hungry and make vodka when you are thirsty.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • PituophisPituophis Posts: 1,025
    Polar bears look cute, but trying to stroke one will bring undesirable consequences.
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,222
    arran77 wrote:
    Put a cow in the cellar/shed.

    Won't your missus object to being relegated to the cellar :P

    Well, it's about time she learnt to milk a cow.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Sirius631Sirius631 Posts: 1,015
    Eat
    Drink
    Breath In
    Breath Out
    Repeat
    To err is human, but to make a real balls up takes a super computer.
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,689
    ^^^ No way am I going to eat and drink something every time I want to breathe in or out. Have you never heard of diabetes?
  • team47bteam47b Posts: 6,424
    johnfinch wrote:
    ^^^ No way am I going to eat and drink something every time I want to breathe in or out. Have you never heard of diabetes?

    Really! Is that how you catch diabetes? :D :roll:
    my isetta is a 300cc bike
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 14,790
    team47b wrote:
    johnfinch wrote:
    ^^^ No way am I going to eat and drink something every time I want to breathe in or out. Have you never heard of diabetes?

    Really! Is that how you catch diabetes? :D :roll:

    Can catch it from toilet seats. :wink:
  • team47bteam47b Posts: 6,424
    ballysmate wrote:
    team47b wrote:
    johnfinch wrote:
    ^^^ No way am I going to eat and drink something every time I want to breathe in or out. Have you never heard of diabetes?

    Really! Is that how you catch diabetes? :D :roll:

    Can catch it from toilet seats. :wink:

    I was privileged, mine was part of my inheritance, didn't need to work hard for it or nuffin' :D
    my isetta is a 300cc bike
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,689
    team47b wrote:
    ballysmate wrote:
    team47b wrote:
    johnfinch wrote:
    ^^^ No way am I going to eat and drink something every time I want to breathe in or out. Have you never heard of diabetes?

    Really! Is that how you catch diabetes? :D :roll:

    Can catch it from toilet seats. :wink:

    I was privileged, mine was part of my inheritance, didn't need to work hard for it or nuffin' :D

    You're one of the unlucky ones, like my nan. With Sirius it'll definitely be self-inflicted though.
  • team47bteam47b Posts: 6,424
    80% of type two diabetics are obese.

    80% of obese people are NOT diabetic.
    my isetta is a 300cc bike
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,689
    It's CS. Don't take it too seriously. I know about the risk factors involved in diabetes, it's in my family. It was a flippant remark based on a literal reading of Sirius saying eat, drink, breathe in and out, repeat.
  • team47bteam47b Posts: 6,424
    I don't take anything seriously!

    I think diabetic fat feckers are funny, I was being flippant, as I can, being diabetic and 55kgs :D

    "I can't lose weight, I have tried everything"

    clearly :D
    my isetta is a 300cc bike
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,222
    Is it popcorn time again? Are you going to fix up a fisty cuffs at the back of Greggs in the car park? Can we watch? Better still, can I sell tickets? Are you going to have to wear ankle weights T47 so that you are as heavy as Finchy?
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,689
    No, sorry to disappoint you Pina, but 47 only paid for the 5 minute argument and not the full hour. :lol:

    Anyway, he'd need 25 kg of ankle weights. I never knew that humans could survive at 55 kg. :shock: :shock: :shock:
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,222
    johnfinch wrote:
    No, sorry to disappoint you Pina, but 47 only paid for the 5 minute argument and not the full hour. :lol:

    Anyway, he'd need 25 kg of ankle weights. I never knew that humans could survive at 55 kg. :shock: :shock: :shock:

    It's relative - he's 3ft 2". Guess he'll need a pair of pogo sticks too.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • team47bteam47b Posts: 6,424
    johnfinch wrote:
    No, sorry to disappoint you Pina, but 47 only paid for the 5 minute argument and not the full hour. :lol:

    Anyway, he'd need 25 kg of ankle weights. I never knew that humans could survive at 55 kg. :shock: :shock: :shock:

    I heard that, fatso :D
    my isetta is a 300cc bike
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,689
    Fatso? I'm 6'3" and my body is one of rare splendour and magnificence. Slender yet strong, I do believe myself to be the apex of human evolution. Once I'm gone it's all downhill for humanity.

    Right, can't sit here any longer, I need to go and stand in front of the mirror and admire myself. Back in a few hours.
  • slowmartslowmart Posts: 4,039
    johnfinch wrote:
    Fatso? I'm 6'3" and my body is one of rare splendour and magnificence. Slender yet strong, I do believe myself to be the apex of human evolution. Once I'm gone it's all downhill for humanity.

    Right, can't sit here any longer, I need to go and stand in front of the mirror and admire myself. Back in a few hours.


    Oi Finchy, do you have a well dodgy beard, hit weights and post dodgy pics of your body on the net while espousing how quick you can ride? Or do you have multiple logins with questionable alter ego's or personalities?


    I suspect you do as your behaviour is representative of a bearded pie dodger….
    “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to cycle and he will realize fishing is stupid and boring”

    Desmond Tutu
  • slowmartslowmart Posts: 4,039
    Lets get this thread back on track


    So your in the middle east and you get an invite to a fancy dress party being hosted in a building flying a black flag and lots of blokes in beards looking menacing standing outside. Top tip. Don't go dressed like this bloke

    il_340x270.539784785_dko9.jpg
    “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to cycle and he will realize fishing is stupid and boring”

    Desmond Tutu
  • ballysmateballysmate Posts: 14,790
    This would go down so much better.

    man_jewish.jpg
  • pinnopinno Posts: 40,222
    slowmart wrote:
    Lets get this thread back on track

    What on earth for?
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • BobbinogsBobbinogs Posts: 4,841
    johnfinch wrote:
    Fatso? I'm 6'3" and my body is one of rare splendour and magnificence. Slender yet strong, I do believe myself to be the apex of human evolution. Once I'm gone it's all downhill for humanity.

    Right, can't sit here any longer, I need to go and stand in front of the mirror and admire myself. Back in a few hours.

    Off to your special shed? Any piccies? Oh hang on, scratch that...
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 6,754
    Bobbinogs wrote:
    johnfinch wrote:
    Fatso? I'm 6'3" and my body is one of rare splendour and magnificence. Slender yet strong, I do believe myself to be the apex of human evolution. Once I'm gone it's all downhill for humanity.

    Right, can't sit here any longer, I need to go and stand in front of the mirror and admire myself. Back in a few hours.

    Off to your special shed? Any piccies? Oh hang on, scratch that...
    :lol:
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
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