bike ettiquette

chippyk

Can I grumble about wearing pro team kit?

ben@31

ChippyK wrote:

Can I grumble about wearing pro team kit?

How about my Maillot Jaune? I did win it ....





... on eBay.

mpatts

ChippyK wrote:

Can I grumble about wearing pro team kit?

If wearing team kit, I will ride alongside, and look quizzically. Then, I will decide which of the pro riders they look like most, and then ask for an autograph.

CptKernow

Elijah2010 wrote:

i do a 32 mile ride twice a week my average speed is 18.5 mph . its not very flat at least a 3rd up hill my best time is 1 hour 40 minutes.im 50 years of age so i dont think im doing bad for an old git.my best average for this particular run is 18.8 mph ,iv,e only been riding for 18 month,used to run cross country until i tore the cartilage in my knee 2 years ago but for some reason bike riding does not irritate it so happy days.

Possibly put this in your signature - save you writing it on every thread

For the record, is this a circular route? Even if not it is within the realms of possibility, but pretty good going.

Daz555

mpatts wrote:

If anyone doesn't reply to my hello, I turn round and chase after them. When I catch up, I point out to them which of 'the rules' they are breaking. If they aren't wearing a helmet, I tell them that they are basically about to die. If they are wearing a helmet, I tell them that there is no point as they are only crash tested up to 12mph. I am also willing to dispense some welcome advice on what wheels would be a suitable upgrade given their weight and speed aspirations. Generally this transpires to be mavic Akysiums. If they are riding Akysiums, I tell them that they could have got a better set for the same money if they went handbuilt. If they are riding Shimano, I tell them Campy is more reliable; if SRAM shimano is better; if Campy I them why they aren't compatible with anything. If they are riding 23's, I tell them 25's are better; if 25's 27's are better; if tubs clinchers are better; if clichers tubs are better; and if tubeless I tell them that they have higher rolling resistance.

Have I covered all the bases?

You missed double/compact/triple accusations

mpatts

Daz555 wrote:

mpatts wrote:

If anyone doesn't reply to my hello, I turn round and chase after them. When I catch up, I point out to them which of 'the rules' they are breaking. If they aren't wearing a helmet, I tell them that they are basically about to die. If they are wearing a helmet, I tell them that there is no point as they are only crash tested up to 12mph. I am also willing to dispense some welcome advice on what wheels would be a suitable upgrade given their weight and speed aspirations. Generally this transpires to be mavic Akysiums. If they are riding Akysiums, I tell them that they could have got a better set for the same money if they went handbuilt. If they are riding Shimano, I tell them Campy is more reliable; if SRAM shimano is better; if Campy I them why they aren't compatible with anything. If they are riding 23's, I tell them 25's are better; if 25's 27's are better; if tubs clinchers are better; if clichers tubs are better; and if tubeless I tell them that they have higher rolling resistance.

Have I covered all the bases?

You missed double/compact/triple accusations

if riding a CX bike with anything smaller than a 39 inner ring, I will shoulder my bike, and run past them saying "It's faster to run if you are using a 34". If riding a triple I will tell you that a compact is better; if riding a compact I'll tell you that a double is better, and if riding a single ring I'll tell them they should really think about belt driven.

If cantilever brakes, discs are better; if discs canti's are better, if V "alright granddad", and if rim brake I'll talk about modulation of discs (pointing at my own bikes discs - I will of course not be riding a bike with discs).

If Alu framed, steel is better; if steel bamboo is better; if carbon 953 is better, and if 953 titanium is better.

If wearing merino, smartwool is better; if smartwool merino is better, if lycra merino is better.

if riding a trek, specilized is better; bianchi, colnago is better.

I will also draw alongside and offer a calibrated opinion on their likely ten mile TT times. This will always be around 32 minutes, plus one minute for every TT related item on show (tri bars + 5 mins).

PerformingMonkey

mpatts wrote:

Daz555 wrote:

mpatts wrote:

If anyone doesn't reply to my hello......

.....plus one minute for every TT related item on show (tri bars + 5 mins).

Day made

Anonymous

What about:
Ionman tattoo
MTB helmet
SPD pedals with road shoes
SPD pedals on road (non-touring) bike
Clip on mudguards when mudguard eyelets
Squeaky drivechain
Cross chaining

Also, where does Giant come in the hierarchy?

imposter2.0

mpatts wins this thread....no contest. Admirable display of writing...

mpatts

coriordan wrote:

What about:
Ionman tattoo
MTB helmet
SPD pedals with road shoes
SPD pedals on road (non-touring) bike
Clip on mudguards when mudguard eyelets
Squeaky drivechain
Cross chaining

Also, where does Giant come in the hierarchy?

These are very valid points. taken in order.

There is no need to engage someone in conversation re their ironman tattoo; they will tell you all about it as you ride past. if you are going too fast to hear, they will draft you (usually on tri bars) until they have finished the story. Let them finish, then ask them for their transition times. regardless of what they are, say they could be faster.

If using clips, clipless is better; if SPD's, look keo better; if look keo speedplay better; if speedplay "You really should get the new pave's".

It is also incredibly important to dispense advice on mudguards. If plastic attached to a summer bike, then you must advise on a winter bike. If on a full on audax bike with beautifully considered matching guards, you should say "That's nice - kind of like my postmans"

Regarding squeaky drivetrain; one must adopt the demeanour of a pirate when talking to anyone piloting a creaking vessel. Ask them if they know where the treasure is. if you draw up to a traffic light while in their presence, you must shout "BEWARE THE RED DOT".

You must call all people with cross chainrings 'chris', and weave the lyrics from "jump, jump" into any conversation about their groupset. "Did macdaddy make you go for shimano?"

lastly, regarding Giant, you must absolutely insist that Giant only make big bikes. Refuse to accept that it's smaller than a 62.

Joeblack

Yep this guy has definitely won!! ^

Although I must hear your approach to leg hair?!

Kieran_Burns

Elijah2010 wrote:

i do a 32 mile ride twice a week my average speed is 18.5 mph . its not very flat at least a 3rd up hill my best time is 1 hour 40 minutes.im 50 years of age so i dont think im doing bad for an old git.my best average for this particular run is 18.8 mph ,iv,e only been riding for 18 month,used to run cross country until i tore the cartilage in my knee 2 years ago but for some reason bike riding does not irritate it so happy days.

So you used to be a runner until you took an arrow to the knee?

mpatts

Joeblack wrote:

Yep this guy has definitely won!! ^

Although I must hear your approach to leg hair?!

As a racer myself this is an easy one. If they use Veet I'll recommend shaving, if shaving I'll recommend Veet. If they are a triathlete I'll tell them it's actually slower by around 2 mins per 10 miles. "it's all about laminar flow you see".

if they are female, I'll ask them where they think I should stop shaving, and show them my hair shorts.

darkhairedlord

mpatts wrote:

"That's nice - kind of like my postmans"

Off to the "your road bikes to try this out"

Elijah2010

i ride a felt z4 2014 11speed ultegra compact.i only have a cheap bike computer so maybe my figures ,times are slighty out so if some are saying my average speed is 19.2 mph happy days

Elijah2010

Chris Bass wrote:

darkhairedlord wrote:

Elijah2010 wrote:

i do a 32 mile ride twice a week my average speed is 18.5 mph . its not very flat at least a 3rd up hill my best time is 1 hour 40 minutes.im 50 years of age so i dont think im doing bad for an old git.my best average for this particular run is 18.8 mph ,iv,e only been riding for 18 month,used to run cross country until i tore the cartilage in my knee 2 years ago but for some reason bike riding does not irritate it so happy days.

if your best time for the 32 mile ride is 1hr 40 then your best average is 19.2 mph NOT 18.8!
me smells BS

or it was 1 hour 42 and he rounded it down slightly, not that hard to believe!

If you dont believe me you could always race me, mind you, you might not want to be beaten by and old man with a dodgy knee

Elijah2010

I have kept in shape all my life
This is me at 49, i have my own gym at home


And this is me now pictures talk louder than words.

sloppyschleckonds

You live in a shed?

Elijah2010

CptKernow wrote:

Elijah2010 wrote:

i do a 32 mile ride twice a week my average speed is 18.5 mph . its not very flat at least a 3rd up hill my best time is 1 hour 40 minutes.im 50 years of age so i dont think im doing bad for an old git.my best average for this particular run is 18.8 mph ,iv,e only been riding for 18 month,used to run cross country until i tore the cartilage in my knee 2 years ago but for some reason bike riding does not irritate it so happy days.

Possibly put this in your signature - save you writing it on every thread

For the record, is this a circular route? Even if not it is within the realms of possibility, but pretty good going.

the first 3 miles are the same as the last 3 miles of my route apart from that the route is all over the place and the only time my average speed drops its windy or the 6 sets of traffic lights stop me .i always race myself .

Elijah2010

SloppySchleckonds wrote:

You live in a shed?

no i train in a shed

Colinthecop

Is it Movember already...?


You'll be looking forward to 1st December to get rid of that silly beard. :shock:

imposter2.0

This thread gets better and better...

Anonymous

This thread will lead to people getting banned...I can sense it

sloppyschleckonds

Elijah2010 wrote:

Tbf fair, thats quite scary the reflection in the mirror of your man friend taking a picture of you.

sloppyschleckonds

coriordan wrote:

This thread will lead to people getting banned...I can sense it

Or arrested?

Colinthecop

I liked you in that movie when you took over the airplane from the US Marshalls.

orraloon

Oi you lot, let him be. Sez another knackered knee casualty fellow biker.

thefd

orraloon wrote:

Oi you lot, let him be. Sez another knackered knee casualty fellow biker.

Is that you in the front left?
[/quote]

darkhairedlord

SloppySchleckonds wrote:

Elijah2010 wrote:

Tbf fair, thats quite scary the reflection in the mirror of your man friend taking a picture of you.

that's Jim, he keeps him at home, in the shed.

Joeblack

dude!!!....


This ain't tinder!