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The lowest common denominator thread

finchyfinchy Posts: 6,686
edited August 2014 in The bottom bracket
Did anyone see Top Gear last night? Jeremy Clarkson called environmentalists "sandal-wearing, beardy yoghurt-eaters". I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself. He should be Prime Minister. Look at that bird with big t1ts. I'd definitely give her one. England would have won the last World Cup if we didn't have Hodgson as manager. It should have been Redknapp. He's a man of the people, not like Hodgson who speaks foreign languages and reads books. I'm off to Asda now, need to pick up a few cans of Stella to drink before going to the pub. I need to was my mouth out with some lager, my wife (bless 'er) bought the wrong type of microwave meal and it had garlic in it. I hate that foreign muck.

Posts

  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 19,147
    Pleb.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    My wife (bless 'er) thinks Hammond is betterer than Clarkson and she'll be voting for 'im in the Scottish Referendum. Have you been on Foxybingo.com? They got a chat room and everything.
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,686
    Women, eh? Can't live wiv 'em, can't live wivout 'em. Problem is, they've all got rights now, just like the coloureds 'ave. The only people what don't 'ave rights is the white English male like me. You know what that is? That's politacil, er, polcital, erm PC gone maaaaad, that's what that is.

    I've got this great new full suspension mountain bike from Halfords. It only cost me £129. Bargain!
  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 19,147
    johnfinch wrote:
    Women, eh? Can't live wiv 'em, can't live wivout 'em. Problem is, they've all got rights now, just like the coloureds 'ave. The only people what don't 'ave rights is the white English male like me. You know what that is? That's politacil, er, polcital, erm PC gone maaaaad, that's what that is.

    I've got this great new full suspension mountain bike from Halfords. It only cost me £129. Bargain!
    I simply cannot believe that you actually bought the bike.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,686
    The locks are too good these days. :evil: :evil:
  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 19,147
    i am disappointed by the crims these days.
    They cannot even use their imaginations to steal a bolt cutter.

    Not that I would condone such actions. Obviously.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 49,379
    Why all the Clarkson hate finchy? Do you wear sandals? In any event he seems to be quite good at winding up environmentalists. Here's a selection of his quotes to see if any of these wind you up :wink:

    1. “I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”

    2. [On the Porsche Boxster] “It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.”

    3. [When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel] “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.”

    4. “I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.”

    5. “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.”

    6. “Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what… being stabbed?”

    7. [On Detroit] “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.”

    8. “Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”

    9. [On the Renault Clio V6] “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

    10. [On the Enzo Ferrari] “I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.”

    11. [On the Porsche Cayenne] “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

    12. “The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”

    13. “Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”

    14. “If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”

    15. “That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”

    16. [On a Chevrolet Corvette] “The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

    17. [On the Alfa Romeo Brera] “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

    18. “A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.”

    19. “This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!’”

    20. “In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.”

    21. [On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG] “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

    22. “I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.”

    23. “Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.”

    24. “Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”

    25. “I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,686
    Jeremy Clarkson's really funny. "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 49,379
    Looks like I was right :wink:
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,686
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    Looks like I was right :wink:

    No, I just find him really tedious. Jeremy Clarkson says something "outrageous". A couple of people on Twatter react. Newspapers run story about "Jeremy Clarkson provokes outrage with ........ comments". Repeat the following week. Yawn.
  • johnfinch wrote:
    Jeremy Clarkson's really funny. "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."



    Jeremy Clarkson is a rectum that can speak.
    This serious internet site..............I serious cat
  • bompingtonbompington Posts: 7,674
    johnfinch wrote:
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    Looks like I was right :wink:

    No, I just find him really tedious. Jeremy Clarkson says something "outrageous". A couple of people on Twatter react. Newspapers run story about "Jeremy Clarkson provokes outrage with ........ comments". Repeat the following week. Yawn.
    It takes two to tediate... Clarkson is no fool, it's what earns him his living. I'm agnostic about Clarkson, I find him quite funny with some good turns of phrase, as per Stevo's list, but his themes get a bit boring after a while and, while I think most of the tendentious humour stuff is precisely that, I'm not sure his real views are that different.
    People who want him to go away would probably do better if they didn't join in the modern plague of enthusiastic pseudo-outrage - one of my least favourite aspects of 21st century culture is the number of people who pretend to be offended about things when their real feeling is one of glee that their opponents have given them an opportunity to attack.
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,686
    ^^^ That's what I was getting at, but such an intellectual discussion has no place on the lowest common denominator thread.

    Can we please get back to talking like dribbling cretins?
  • bompingtonbompington Posts: 7,674
    Sorry, got a bit mature there for a minute. Just slap me if it happens again.
  • team47bteam47b Posts: 6,424
    Still a way to go yet...

    "Quite simply, the collective intelligence level is dropping so rapidly that it's becoming increasingly difficult for producers to insult the intelligence of the American public," said News Corp president and COO Peter Chernin. "Without a way to set a floor for the lowest common denominator, even the stupidest material we can develop is not stupid enough for audiences to enjoy."
    my isetta is a 300cc bike
  • ProssPross Posts: 31,643
    Too high brow for me this one, you bunch of posh gits.
  • slowmartslowmart Posts: 4,184
    You lot don't know your born, mincing around on two wheels. I've just got the one and it's all you need.


    And anuva thing, show me a beautiful bird and I'll show you someone who's bored boning her.


    Cheers J.C.
    “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to cycle and he will realize fishing is stupid and boring”

    Desmond Tutu
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