X-Factor the TdF Edition

above_the_cows

So for this game you have to pick a Tour team based on popularity/entertainment value/sponsorship opportunity/media savvy/photogenicness etc. Just like the X-Factor, actual talent or ability to do the job have no place here.

So my team looks like this...

Team leader: Bradley Wiggins for being at least one nation's favourite pair of sideburns, his raffle drawing skills and all round media savvy.

Super-saint domestique: David Millar for being a living sinner to saint, coming from a little highly religious island in the Mediterranean, via Hong Kong where there is a lot of money and having questionable yet apparently fashionable hair cuts.

Chief bottle carrier: Pippo Pozatto because only god can judge him and he's mastered the new universal language of emoji.

The Harry Styles one: Lil' Pete Kennaugh for his rosy cheeks and good hair, obviously.

The necessary spiritual one/one for minority hair colours/Americans: Tyler Farrar the Pugilist Strawberry Blonde Buddhist.

The one for fans of ancient Scandinavian sagas/all that oil money: Thor Hushovd.

The one with a name that sounds like a motorcycle and thus a bit 'bad'/the one for the fans that get up and watch at 3 o'clock in the morning: Matt Harley Goss

The one who has a name that sounds like he was born to ride a bike/stand in Harry Styles: Ben Swift

The one for the Flemish and lovers of beans/potential sponsorship from plastic surgeons specializing in ear-pinning: Tom Boonen

RichN95.

You'd have to have Jens Voigt.

Bernie Eisel for the ladies.

Adam Hansen seems to get a fair bit of attention.

above_the_cows

I though Jens was on the Trek team? That's why I didn't pick him.

RichN95.

Above The Cows wrote:

I though Jens was on the Trek team? That's why I didn't pick him.

Sorry I didn't realise it was a rejects team.

DL1987

Maybe we could find a place for the "Hipster/Fashionista" one: Taylor Phinney

above_the_cows

RichN95 wrote:

Above The Cows wrote:

I though Jens was on the Trek team? That's why I didn't pick him.

Sorry I misread it. Didn't realise it was a rejects team.

It's not a rejects team. You can pick whoever you like, I just made my team one of rejects.

tailwindhome

Cav

The Fat One

tailwindhome

Froome

The one who gets caught up in a minor drugs scandal

above_the_cows

TailWindHome wrote:

Cav

The Fat One

TailWindHome wrote:

Froome

The one who gets caught up in a minor drugs scandal

You could have cross over TV with these. A sort of You are What you Eat/Fat Camp with Cav and a My Time in the Priory for coffee addiction with Froome.

tailwindhome

David Walsh

The 'Louis Walsh'

mfin

Contador, the camp one that everybody knows is undeniably gay but is only allowed to come out when the proper money has been made.

above_the_cows

TailWindHome wrote:

David Walsh

The 'Louis Walsh'

OK so who's Simon Cowell?

mfin wrote:

Contador, the camp one that everybody knows is undeniably gay but is only allowed to come out when the proper money has been made.

xx

RichN95.

Voeckler - the one all the mums keep voting for
Voigt - the ageing novelty act
Bretegne Seche - the group that gets voted off in the first week
Wiggins - the one that drops out because it's damaging his reputation as a credible artist
Christophe Bassons - the one who got bullied at school
Andy Schleck - the one that keeps getting voted back in every week but no-one can work out why.
Roman Kreuziger - the one that got booted off for breaking the rules.

above_the_cows

RichN95 wrote:

Voeckler - the one all the mums keep voting for
Voigt - the ageing novelty act
Bretegne Seche - the group that gets voted off in the first week
Wiggins - the one that drops out because it's damaging his reputation as a credible artist
Christophe Bassons - the one who got bullied at school
Andy Schleck - the one that keeps getting voted back in every week but no-one can work out why.
Roman Kreuziger - the one that got booted off for breaking the rules.

Good list.

Pross

The Yates twins - Jedward

Edit - thinking about it Phinney could be the missing triplet that would have spawned novelty trio Jedwardtay

above_the_cows

Pross wrote:

The Yates twins - Jedward

Edit - thinking about it Phinney could be the missing triplet that would have spawned novelty trio Jedwardtay

It's the hair with Phinney isn't it?

mr_poll

Above The Cows wrote:

TailWindHome wrote:

David Walsh

The 'Louis Walsh'

OK so who's Simon Cowell?

Someone with a huge ego who likes to hog the limelight more than his stable of stars I give you:

Oleg Tinkov

above_the_cows

mr_poll wrote:

Above The Cows wrote:

TailWindHome wrote:

David Walsh

The 'Louis Walsh'

OK so who's Simon Cowell?

Someone with a huge ego who likes to hog the limelight more than his stable of stars I give you:

Oleg Tinkov

Oh yes. Uncle Oleg would be perfect.