The 10 Roadie Commandments

secretsam

1. There is only one true faith, which is the way of the roadie. Harken not to the foul persuasions of the false prophets who swim and run as well, or those covered in mud wearing baggy clothing
2. Honour thy father and mother, or whoever else taught you to ride, for they are righteous and have bestowed upon you a great gift
3. Similarly, pass on thy faith wherever thy can, advising the unenlightened to make full use of the abbreviated path to righteousness known as the “Cycle to Work Scheme”
4. Worship thou the most holy brethren known as “the Pros”, for they are most righteous and are hard in an entirely wholesome manner. This includeth fallen brethren of the hyperdermic persuasion, except for the American who-shall-not-be-named, hereafter forever to be known as “The Bell End”
5. Blessed is (s)he who helpeth his brother or sister in their time of need, with holy gifts of patches, tubes, help and advice. Accursed is (s)he who does not do the whole Good Samaritan act
6. Thou shalt know the faithful by their appearance, and shall acknowledge their holiness with the nod or other form of recognition
7. Adhere to the unwritten but omnipresent and all-knowing righteous code of the road, that thou shalt not jumpeth the red light (although if thou breakest the speed limit that is OK)
8. Thine ride shall have the curled bars of holiness and more than one gear. If thou must havest but one gear, thou must have the righteous amount of braking equipment as specified in the Gospel according to DoT, lest thou be a c0ck
9. If thou havest an ‘ironic’ beard, frumpy specs and saggy-arseth jeans, thou art a hipster and therefore accursed in the eyes of the Lord, and everyone else. Wiseth thou the feck up
10. Covet not thy neighbour’s ride, his shoes or his level of fitness. Rather, get thine own house in order and be thankful for the mercy of the Lord in bestowing the gift of cycling righteousness upon thee.

Here endeth the commandments. They shall be carved on tablets of Carbon Fibre, Steel and Alu, that the righteous may forever learn from their wisdom.

gingaman

Very good

EKE_38BPM

SecretSam wrote:

Here endeth the commandments. They shall be carved on tablets of Carbon Fibre, Steel and Alu, that the righteous may forever learn from their wisdom.

What about Titanium?

I disagree with the one gear bit.
Blessed are the fixie riders for they are at one with their machine. SS riders have fallen from the one true path and need to MTFU.

Torvid

The titanium one is awaiting a warranty replacement after failing at the welds for the second time.

ex-pat scot

Lovely - apart from no 7 (there's no speed limit for cycling on open highway). (Pedants please start a pointless argument about Richmond Park / Royal Parks)

RedWheels

Yep, no speed limit. but you can get caught for 'peddling furiously' i believe.

also disagree with the SS and Fixie,

secretsam

There is no room for debate on the single speed thing, the almighty has spoken. And he'd already edited out a more damning version of that commandment, so thinkest thineselves lucky, single gear heathens.

The Rookie

Mountain biker and I always wear baggies, so I fail at number one, do I care, nope!

No speed limits of bikes in the royal parks, despite what the old bill think......