Father's Day

secretsam
secretsam Posts: 5,120
edited June 2014 in The cake stop
I'm a Dad.
My Dad is no longer alive, died when I was 4.
So Father's Day had little meaning for me as I grew up, although I did have a Step Dad (we didn't get on)

Anyway.
Now I've got to 'share' Father's Day with my wife's Dad - her Mum and Dad are now coming round for lunch.

Is it wrong of me to feel like I'm being sidelined on the one day of the year where my (considerable) contribution to our family is recognised? I'm really a bit upset by this. We're already going out to a friend's son's Confirmation later that day...

Do I just need to grow up, or am I right to feel a little let down?
It's just a hill. Get over it.
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Comments

  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Father's Day for me is always very close to my little girls birthday so it generally involves her party or a family get together to celebrate with her so for me the day is rarely 'mine' but it doesn't bother me at all because without my little girl, and my son, there would be no need to celebrate it in the first place.

    Personally I wouldn't think of it in the way you are and look at the fact that you're sharing your day with the people who make you a Dad.
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • markhewitt1978
    markhewitt1978 Posts: 7,614
    My Dad died 9 years ago now, as it happens right on Fathers Day weekend. So as a result every Fathers Day after that has been about going with my Mum to the place where we scattered his ashes. As it's in the summer it's actually quite a pleasant day out most of the time :)

    But since my daughter was born 3 years ago, the tradition has continued but this year I've wanted to put a stop to it. Because I want fathers day to be about myself and my daughter, although I loved my Dad he's long gone now; although I can't help feeling bad for feeling that way!
  • drlodge
    drlodge Posts: 4,826
    SecretSam wrote:
    I'm a Dad.
    My Dad is no longer alive, died when I was 4.
    So Father's Day had little meaning for me as I grew up, although I did have a Step Dad (we didn't get on)

    Anyway.
    Now I've got to 'share' Father's Day with my wife's Dad - her Mum and Dad are now coming round for lunch.

    Is it wrong of me to feel like I'm being sidelined on the one day of the year where my (considerable) contribution to our family is recognised? I'm really a bit upset by this. We're already going out to a friend's son's Confirmation later that day...

    Do I just need to grow up, or am I right to feel a little let down?

    I'm with you on this, I think you as a Father of children should take priority - its your day and you should have more than a little say as to what you want to do. Ask your wife - if the shoe was on the other foot, so its mothers day and you're spending the day with your mum and she gets taken to an event she has little interest in, how would she feel? You should be able to do what you want that day.

    I'm lucky, being separated, I'm having breakfast with the kids then they leave around 9.45 so I get the rest of the glorious day to spend on my bike. That's what I want to do!
    WyndyMilla Massive Attack | Rourke 953 | Condor Italia 531 Pro | Boardman CX Pro | DT Swiss RR440 Tubeless Wheels
    Find me on Strava
  • markhewitt1978
    markhewitt1978 Posts: 7,614
    drlodge wrote:
    You should be able to do what you want that day.

    If I had my choice I would be doing a 80 mile bike ride over the Otterburn ranges; but I don't think that would go down too well ;)
  • homers_double
    homers_double Posts: 8,343
    drlodge wrote:

    I'm lucky, being separated,

    Each to their own but I wouldn't call that lucky. Unless it was a lucky escape!

    I'll hopefully get a hug and a brew in bed. Then I'm off to the older kids to do the flagging AND SHE'D BETTER HAVE SOME GODDAMN BACON ON THE GO!!!!!!!!
    Advocate of disc brakes.
  • Giraffoto
    Giraffoto Posts: 2,078
    If this is the only day you feel appreciated, they're faking it.
    Specialized Roubaix Elite 2015
    XM-057 rigid 29er
  • homers_double
    homers_double Posts: 8,343
    The brew in bed will be off mrs hd, I can get up early, she can't.
    Advocate of disc brakes.
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,120
    @dr lodge: being separated isn't so lucky, been there so know how it feels
    But take your point about wanting to just go out on the bike...am half tempted to say that's how I'm going to spend the day. If I can't play the game my way, I won't play at all...<<sulks>>
    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • drlodge
    drlodge Posts: 4,826
    SecretSam wrote:
    @dr lodge: being separated isn't so lucky, been there so know how it feels

    No, being separated is lucky, still being with the b1tch would be most unlucky :wink:
    WyndyMilla Massive Attack | Rourke 953 | Condor Italia 531 Pro | Boardman CX Pro | DT Swiss RR440 Tubeless Wheels
    Find me on Strava
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,120
    Am getting over it now. Simply thinking that I never spent a father's day with my Dad . only with someone who wasn't my Dad. And we moved recently and haven't yet spent a single day on the weekend with just us in the house. Want to spend time with my family. Not someone else's.
    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • nathancom
    nathancom Posts: 1,567
    How you can invest some made up day with emotion beats me.
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,120
    nathancom wrote:
    How you can invest some made up day with emotion beats me.
    Try being a dad. Whose own dad died when you were 4.
    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • nathancom
    nathancom Posts: 1,567
    SecretSam wrote:
    nathancom wrote:
    How you can invest some made up day with emotion beats me.
    Try being a dad. Whose own dad died when you were 4.
    Did Father's Day even exist when he died? I am not criticising you, emotions are complex and individual and personal, however, I find all these different days they have created in the last 50 years a bit ridiculous: Valentines Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day etc. It is a purely commercial exercise designed to shift more greetings cards and more socks and aftershave.

    I have a child and if she grows up to only express appreciation of me on a prescribed day of the year then either I will have been a terrible father or she will be cold hearted.
  • cornerblock
    cornerblock Posts: 3,228
    nathancom wrote:
    I have a child and if she grows up to only express appreciation of me on a prescribed day of the year then either I will have been a terrible father or she will be cold hearted.

    It could be both.
  • nathancom
    nathancom Posts: 1,567
    Cornerblock wrote:
    nathancom wrote:
    I have a child and if she grows up to only express appreciation of me on a prescribed day of the year then either I will have been a terrible father or she will be cold hearted.

    It could be both.
    Not quite certain that would make Father's Day of any more value.
  • cornerblock
    cornerblock Posts: 3,228
    nathancom wrote:
    Cornerblock wrote:
    nathancom wrote:
    I have a child and if she grows up to only express appreciation of me on a prescribed day of the year then either I will have been a terrible father or she will be cold hearted.

    It could be both.
    Not quite certain that would make Father's Day of any more value.

    It wouldn't, although "You've been a sh*t Dad" would make a good honest card!
  • nathancom
    nathancom Posts: 1,567
    Cornerblock wrote:
    nathancom wrote:
    Cornerblock wrote:
    nathancom wrote:
    I have a child and if she grows up to only express appreciation of me on a prescribed day of the year then either I will have been a terrible father or she will be cold hearted.

    It could be both.
    Not quite certain that would make Father's Day of any more value.

    It wouldn't, although "You've been a sh*t Dad" would make a good honest card!
    Luckily mine is too young to talk yet :D
  • tangled_metal
    tangled_metal Posts: 4,021
    I grew up celebrating Mothering Sunday but was probably a teenager before Father's day became a day to celebrate in our house. We were never religious but Mothering Sunday is a Christian day in UK based around pagan festival. Father's day is a commercial holiday originated in the USA I believe. A bit like father Christmas going red for coca cola.
    That aside ppl have taken it onboard and it has it's cards, man thing type presents in supermarkets, etc. If your kids celebrate it with you enjoy it. If other half brings in her daddy let her have her relationship with her dad. Let your kids have their relationship b with you too. If I'm allowed to be brutally honest here. If your kids don't make much of your day so that your in-law takes over the day then you're possibly not appreciated enough. If it's a nice day go out for a ride. Leave phone behind and any sat nav. Go home after a long time out with a cock and bull story about getting lost. Then suffer in the doghouse for some time, perhaps until next.father's day. Make it your day.
    PS I forgot mother's day this year so partner forgetting father's day. My kid's only 18 months. He doesn't know what special days are. He learnt what a birthday is. Trouble is all birthdays are his including Xmas.
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,120
    The people have spoken.

    I need to get over myself :lol:

    To add some more context, we've just moved house and both the outlaws and my Mum have been hugely helpful - but as yet after nearly a month in the new house we have yet to spend a weekend alone in our new house. I need a bit of family time is at the core of this. Plus I'm selfish - I never make much of a fuss about my birthday, so I fancy a bit of a fuss being made about me.

    And I know my kids love me etc, etc. It's purely an ego thing.

    The idea of cycling off into the distance is tempting but I've lived here too long for 'getting lost' to cut it as an excuse :lol:
    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • Trippy
    Trippy Posts: 13
    I have a 17 year old who is hopeless at birthdays, mothers day, fathers day etc. It really doesn't bother me at all and I don't think for one minute he will have remembered to buy a card for tomorrow. I'll have a lovely afternoon sat in the sun watching him play cricket, drinking a cold beer or two and go to the pub after.
  • homers_double
    homers_double Posts: 8,343
    If your with your kids/wife/important other then it's all good!
    Advocate of disc brakes.
  • Daz555
    Daz555 Posts: 3,976
    My kids love me and appreciate me everyday. Could not give toss about one day manufactured by Clinton cards.

    Bacon sandwich in bed this morning was nice though.
    You only need two tools: WD40 and Duck Tape.
    If it doesn't move and should, use the WD40.
    If it shouldn't move and does, use the tape.
  • Giraffoto
    Giraffoto Posts: 2,078
    Daz555 wrote:
    Could not give toss about one day manufactured by Clinton cards

    There's a bit more tradition to it than that. My two bought me a workstand! And let me sleep in until half past seven. :D
    Specialized Roubaix Elite 2015
    XM-057 rigid 29er
  • markhewitt1978
    markhewitt1978 Posts: 7,614
    Due to circumstances I couldn't go for a ride on Saturday so the missus gave me permission to do a long ride on Sunday morning, I was supposed to meet her for lunch at the 30 mile mark but after I got 15 miles out it was raining so I turned around and met her closer to home. So what was supposed to be a fathers day lunch turned into a fathers day late breakfast watching the rain!
  • peat
    peat Posts: 1,242
    Arbitrary day.

    I see my father at least once a week, go for a beer with him, help him out on the farm. My sister, who only lives half an hour away but is 'far too busy' to pop in every now and then got all high and mighty with me because I responded to her email of "Are we doing anything for Father's Day?" with "Not sure what you're doing but I'm out riding all day".

    Gah!
  • Circlip
    Circlip Posts: 16
    I can remember Father's day being much more relaxing before we had kids.
  • drlodge
    drlodge Posts: 4,826
    Circlip wrote:
    I can remember Father's day being much more relaxing before we had kids.

    That's cos you weren't a Father then :roll:
    WyndyMilla Massive Attack | Rourke 953 | Condor Italia 531 Pro | Boardman CX Pro | DT Swiss RR440 Tubeless Wheels
    Find me on Strava
  • Monkeypump
    Monkeypump Posts: 1,528
    drlodge wrote:
    Circlip wrote:
    I can remember Father's day being much more relaxing before we had kids.

    That's cos you weren't a Father then :roll:

    Whoosh....
  • markhewitt1978
    markhewitt1978 Posts: 7,614
    Circlip wrote:
    I can remember every day being much more relaxing before we had kids.

    FTFY
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    markhewitt1978 wrote:
    Circlip wrote:
    I can remember every day being much more relaxing before we had kids.

    FTFY

    Very true :lol:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn

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