Funny Insurance claim

Kieran_Burns

(As per Jasper Carrot, but I've not heard this one before)

A client of mine claimed he broke his arm cycling to work when taking a shortcut through a farm: "I came around a corner and was run off the road by a herd of guinea pigs..." (The farmer verified the claimant's story. Apparently the farmer's daughters' pets had escaped and multiplied into plague proportions.)

Although I did find one of my old favourites which always has me laughing:

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

essex-commuter

"I pulled into the wrong driveway and hit a tree that I haven't got".

davis

Not from that site, but a story relayed by my girlfriend:

Many years ago, she was drinking with friends in a local pub. Late at night, when they were heavily refreshed they heard a extremely loud bang outside. They rushed outside to find a gentleman had been driving past the pub and had collided with a cow which had escaped from a field.
The police arrived, and began asking questions of the crowd. One of the group, by now in advanced stages of Drinker's Rickets, said "I saw the whole thing ossifer, the cow didn't have his lights on, and his bell didn't work!" *comedy belch*

gingaman

This has been doing the rounds for years:

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope. And I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back onto me.

Mikey23

Gerard hoffnung if I recall

Mikey23

Ah yes, here it is ...

http://youtu.be/zZUJLO6lMhI