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Can I become a dolphin?

GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
edited January 2014 in The bottom bracket
I watched 'Spy in the Pod' last night and I really really want to be a dolphin now. Is there a course I can do to qualify as a dolphin? I've tried Googling it but I can't get any decent information.

Posts

  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    Forgot to say, I'd prefer to be a Bottlenose.
  • sungodsungod Posts: 12,801
    stage one is to practice catching live fish in your mouth and swallowing them

    once you've mastered that, post a video showing your hot fish action

    then the next stage on your journey to dolphin will be revealed
    my bike - faster than god's and twice as shiny
  • verylonglegsverylonglegs Posts: 3,468
    Would you like us to just cut to the chase and kill you slowly due to being entangled in a fishing net?
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Just pop along to your local aquarium and jump right in, just make sure it's not the shark tank :wink:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • sungod wrote:
    stage one is to practice catching live fish in your mouth and swallowing them

    once you've mastered that, post a video showing your hot fish action

    then the next stage on your journey to dolphin will be revealed

    Then practise jumping out of the water and spin round and round to try to shake off annoying parasitic fish that have attached themselves to your groin area.
  • Yellow PerilYellow Peril Posts: 4,466
    They're just sharks with good PR
    @JaunePeril

    Winner of the Bike Radar Pro Race Wiggins Hour Prediction Competition
  • RDWRDW Posts: 1,900
    GiantMike wrote:
    I watched 'Spy in the Pod' last night and I really really want to be a dolphin now. Is there a course I can do to qualify as a dolphin? I've tried Googling it but I can't get any decent information.

    Perhaps you could start with something that's a bit better documented, like becoming a horse?:

    http://www.unicorn-dream.co.uk/destrier/advice.html
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 5,815
    I'd be happy to give you a blow hole.

    That sounds wrong, I mean with a drill.
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • arran77arran77 Posts: 9,260
    seanoconn wrote:
    I'd be happy to give you a blow hole.

    That sounds wrong, I mean with a drill.

    Giving him a drill doesn't sound a lot better :wink:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    Right then. Phase 1 started today. I spent 3 hours in a cold bath trying to catch a goldfish without using my hands. It was surprisingly difficult, and I got very wrinkly.
  • Well done GM, sounds like phase 1 was a success.

    As part of your transition, especially as you are pre op transdolphin, I've found you a suit to help get you in the mood.

    47319.jpg
    Scott S40 Speedster
    Dialled Stay Strong MX20R

    I no longer live in an ivory tower, these days it's vintage white :shock:
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    OMFG. Thanks dude. Order placed.

    See how happy dolphins look?
  • crumbschiefcrumbschief Posts: 3,411
    He's so happy he has a pearl necklace in his mouth.
  • PituophisPituophis Posts: 1,025
    He does look happy though :?
    Hey, you've not been "swimming" with him have you? :(
  • Mikey23Mikey23 Posts: 5,028
    That is scarily realistic
  • sungodsungod Posts: 12,801
    GiantMike wrote:
    OMFG. Thanks dude. Order placed.

    See how happy dolphins look?

    wearing that won't make you a dolphin, it'll make you a yiffing furry, that's a rather different lifestyle!
    my bike - faster than god's and twice as shiny
  • pdstsppdstsp Posts: 1,264
    Be careful in that suit - you need to spray it with a waterproofing spray every few days or it will become waterlogged, very heavy, and drag you to the bottom of the bath. Many pre-op transdolphins have died this way.
  • zaneladzanelad Posts: 269
    Not much help, but I had a date with a dolphin once.

    We just clicked.
  • RDWRDW Posts: 1,900
    GiantMike wrote:
    Right then. Phase 1 started today. I spent 3 hours in a cold bath trying to catch a goldfish without using my hands. It was surprisingly difficult, and I got very wrinkly.

    Just so you know what might be ahead of you, here are some detailed notes from someone who has clearly progressed well beyond Phase 3: https://web.archive.org/web/20040126120 ... insex.org/
  • MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,433
    You'll have to master the ability to sh*t on others' heads and pass it off as a compliment !
    Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    MattC59 wrote:
    You'll have to master the ability to sh*t on others' heads and pass it off as a compliment !
    Already do that whenever I write an annual performance report

    Started phase 2 yesterday with a bit of language training

    Kkkrrrrrrrkrr kkrrreeeekeekkeeerrrrrrrr

    That should get the lady dolphins wet. Well, wetter.
  • MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,433
    I understand there's an op that you can have; a Dolphinoplasty.

    http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/154792/dolphinoplasty
    Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    I've changed my mind. Watching this week's episode it looks a lot like last week's. I think it might get a bit boring. They just see to swim, eat and jump about a bit.
  • seanoconnseanoconn Posts: 5,815
    Don't give up too soon. I've done a little research and it appears Dolphins don't have collar bones. Could be a plus for crash happy cyclists.
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
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