Office Notice

Mikey23

@michaelw... Another spit coffee at the iPad moment... Thanks for that!

veronese68

"THINK BEFORE YOU PULL. 2 feet is more than enough"
Was a sign by the paper towel dispenser in the toilets. Presumably as people were using far too much of the stuff and not a reference to anything else. That one didn't last long.
"Please put the milk back in the fridge as cheese doesn't mix with the drinks as easily. Especially in the warmer weather."
Appeared in the tea room one summer, still there in February.

@ ddraver, I know someone that works for a large oil company that got a letter reprimanding him for not holding the banister.

ddraver

Veronese68 wrote:

@ ddraver, I know someone that works for a large oil company that got a letter reprimanding him for not holding the banister.

Oh my god! OH MY GOD!!! Seriously?!?!?

I knew it was bad but I never realised it was THAT bad!!

arthur_scrimshaw

Sirius631 wrote:

So, what happens now? Does some illiterate person go out and push them over?

There is the typo (should be their) not the tipping bit?

pinno

In my organisation, we used to have volunteers from the local ARC (Adult Resource Centre). They were disabled, a few with Downs Syndrome and others who had severe learning difficulties.

One little woman with DS (she was tiny and needed a beer crate to carry out some basic functions) had a somewhat unusual streak. There is a thick metal rim along the edge of the main hopper. This hopper is fed by a small hopper. The woman in question decided to lick the syrupy drips that accumulated on this thick metal rim from the drinks cans we process.
This resulted in a large decal placed on the wall:

PLEASE DO NOT LICK THE MACHINERY.

Not our doing I may add - the ARC management decided to print it for us and attach it to the wall. At first I thought it was a joke but when the serious faces responded to my giggles with some serious and screwy looks, I kept my face straight.

Later on, one of the disciples of the ARC who was as equally small as the previous protagonist took to sucking the ends of her gloves which during a processing session became saturated with the syrup from the cans. The dye would come out of the gloves and the first time I noticed it, I was alarmed as I thought she had been assaulted - her face was black and blue around her mouth. I decided to put a sign on the wall which read:

PLEASE DO NOT SUCK YOUR GLOVES OR ANYONE ELSE'S GLOVES

I got so much sh1t for it and had to remove it !?. So much for a sense of humour.

mustgettaller

dmclite-3.0 wrote:

Slight deviation from OP, but on my commute I go past some dodgy pubs through Gravesend, Ebbsfleet, Greenhythe etc, and on the chalkboard on one pronouncing the daily specials/upcoming events they had written, "Lager and Fighting", which was truthful, accurate and cheered me up.

Sorry, OT rant coming up...

Chalkboard? Chalkboard? Chalkboard? Nope. It's a board which is black. It's a blackboard. Otherwise we should call a whiteboard a "Dry-wipable nice smelling pen board." (or something).

This gets my goat soooo much.

Rant over.

graham.

mustgettaller wrote:

dmclite-3.0 wrote:

Slight deviation from OP, but on my commute I go past some dodgy pubs through Gravesend, Ebbsfleet, Greenhythe etc, and on the chalkboard on one pronouncing the daily specials/upcoming events they had written, "Lager and Fighting", which was truthful, accurate and cheered me up.

Sorry, OT rant coming up...

Chalkboard? Chalkboard? Chalkboard? Nope. It's a board which is black. It's a blackboard. Otherwise we should call a whiteboard a "Dry-wipable nice smelling pen board." (or something).

This gets my goat soooo much.

Rant over.

Yes...very much yes...or "+1" as I believe it's known. :evil:




And while we're at it, will people please stop saying "But seriously" ! :evil: :evil:

veronese68

ddraver wrote:

Veronese68 wrote:

@ ddraver, I know someone that works for a large oil company that got a letter reprimanding him for not holding the banister.

Oh my god! OH MY GOD!!! Seriously?!?!?

I knew it was bad but I never realised it was THAT bad!!

Yes, apparently it is that bad. A couple of people I know work for them and this was a topic of conversation in the pub one night. Their other premises in the London area are not quite as strict, but I cannot remember which is which.

daviesee

Graham. wrote:

And while we're at it, will people please stop saying "But seriously" ! :evil: :evil:

Seriously?

redvee

redvee wrote:

A sign in the changing rooms at work was written by the victim of 'keying' where somebody ran a key down the side of his car basically asking for info and asking how you'd feel in his position. Comments added below are sensible such as shift, CCTV etc as well as the stupid ones like 'stay away from my wife' and 'have you tried T-Cut?'

This sign was posted on the ends of all the ranks of lockers with one getting all the comments, the rest have now had some juvenile artistic drawings added to them.

arran77

pinarello001 wrote:

In my organisation, we used to have volunteers from the local ARC (Adult Resource Centre). They were disabled, a few with Downs Syndrome and others who had severe learning difficulties.

One little woman with DS (she was tiny and needed a beer crate to carry out some basic functions) had a somewhat unusual streak. There is a thick metal rim along the edge of the main hopper. This hopper is fed by a small hopper. The woman in question decided to lick the syrupy drips that accumulated on this thick metal rim from the drinks cans we process.
This resulted in a large decal placed on the wall:

PLEASE DO NOT LICK THE MACHINERY.

Not our doing I may add - the ARC management decided to print it for us and attach it to the wall. At first I thought it was a joke but when the serious faces responded to my giggles with some serious and screwy looks, I kept my face straight.

Later on, one of the disciples of the ARC who was as equally small as the previous protagonist took to sucking the ends of her gloves which during a processing session became saturated with the syrup from the cans. The dye would come out of the gloves and the first time I noticed it, I was alarmed as I thought she had been assaulted - her face was black and blue around her mouth. I decided to put a sign on the wall which read:

PLEASE DO NOT SUCK YOUR GLOVES OR ANYONE ELSE'S GLOVES

I got so much sh1t for it and had to remove it !?. So much for a sense of humour.

I think I need a job at your place, reckon I'd fit right in

And before anyone says it's not because I'm 'special'

mrfpb

arran77 wrote:

I think I need a job at your place, reckon I'd fit right in

And before anyone says it's not because I'm 'special'

Now, now Arran77, everyone's special (in their own way).

fat_cat

Sign by urinals in gents in our Head Office: please don't put chewing gum in the urinals.

Hand written underneath: it makes it taste funny!

:twisted:

dmclite-3.0

mustgettaller wrote:

dmclite-3.0 wrote:

Slight deviation from OP, but on my commute I go past some dodgy pubs through Gravesend, Ebbsfleet, Greenhythe etc, and on the chalkboard on one pronouncing the daily specials/upcoming events they had written, "Lager and Fighting", which was truthful, accurate and cheered me up.

Sorry, OT rant coming up...

Chalkboard? Chalkboard? Chalkboard? Nope. It's a board which is black. It's a blackboard. Otherwise we should call a whiteboard a "Dry-wipable nice smelling pen board." (or something).

This gets my goat soooo much.

Rant over.

Sorry, didnt mean to offend...some people are so calcium sensitive I just thought chalk would be better. I have changed the original post to blackboard, of course its a black board, definitely a blackboard when I was at achool. I was trying to tell a funny story, y'know, join in but now I feel sad and needy, sniff, waaahhhh.

secretsam

Kieran_Burns wrote:

I got told off by my boss for taking him at his word when he told me to label everything in the Server room.

He came back a couple of hours later to see dymo labels stuck to things such as:

Window
Door
Floor
Rack
Air conditioning
Door handle
Keyboard
Mouse
Phone
Light Switch
Light
Plug

I think the bit that really got him was when he came over to give me a bollocking, I had an "Engineer" label on my shirt.

Classic

Reminds me of a temp job I had when I was a student, working in a factory.

It was a bit old fashioned, "shop floor" and "management". Anyway, they were a bit quiet on the shop floor so a manager comes down and tells one of the guys to get busy and paint the gents' loo. "What should I paint?" asks the chap. "Just forkin' paint the loos, everything", says the manager, and wonders off.

So he painted everything: the walls, ceiling, floor, window, mirrors, sinks, tap, toilet doors, toilets, loo seats, cistern, even the loo roll. All bright white.

Manager comes down, sees what he's done and has something resembling a fit - but, as the guy's foreman points out, he'd only followed instructions...

Mikey23

Somewhere on the autism spectrum then ...

dmclite-3.0

Mikey23 wrote:

Somewhere on the autism spectrum then ...

Or shop floor pedantry to the max. Very similar traits, though.

laurentian

Due to an apparent law forbidding broadcast of a radio progamme to the general public at an event or in a public place (performing rights issue or something) there is a notice in my barbers saying:

"Would customers please refrain from listening to the radio. It is provided for employee entertainment only"

crispybug2

Fat Cat wrote:

Sign by urinals in gents in our Head Office: please don't put chewing gum in the urinals.

Hand written underneath: it makes it taste funny!

:twisted:

At the Working Mans Club that I went to with my mum and dad when I was a kid, the sign sbove the urinals read....


Please don't put cigarette butts in the urinals as it makes them soggy and difficult to light!!


Still brings a smile to my face.

pinkteapot

This is my favourite at work (it's in a university). I want to set the fire alarm off then re-enact every movie ever by sliding under it at the last second...

Daz555

mustgettaller wrote:

dmclite-3.0 wrote:

Slight deviation from OP, but on my commute I go past some dodgy pubs through Gravesend, Ebbsfleet, Greenhythe etc, and on the chalkboard on one pronouncing the daily specials/upcoming events they had written, "Lager and Fighting", which was truthful, accurate and cheered me up.

Sorry, OT rant coming up...

Chalkboard? Chalkboard? Chalkboard? Nope. It's a board which is black. It's a blackboard. Otherwise we should call a whiteboard a "Dry-wipable nice smelling pen board." (or something).

This gets my goat soooo much.

Rant over.

The one my daughter has is green. Do I call it a green blackboard?

daviesee

Greenboard.

Was that too tricky?

will3

Not a notice but an email put round the whole site by the "office manager":

"Please can you send me your movements this week"


Erm
(Actually she meant to send it to the management people and was asking in a roundabout way for them to tell her where they'd be each day that week)

peat

In my industry (nuclear), when you have meetings on site, the chairperson has to start the meeting with a 'safety moment'.

That can be 'Always use the handrails when using the stairs' or 'Take extra care while driving in the wet' etc.

I can usually be seen looking to the gods and gently shaking my head at this point of the meeting.

daviesee

Peat wrote:

In my industry (nuclear), when you have meetings on site, the chairperson has to start the meeting with a 'safety moment'.

That can be 'Always use the handrails when using the stairs' or 'Take extra care while driving in the wet' etc.

I can usually be seen looking to the gods and gently shaking my head at this point of the meeting.

I have arranged a 4 day working week.
Although the main benefit is an extended weekend every week, without doubt a side benefit is avoiding said weekly safety meetings on a Friday morning.

secretsam

daviesee wrote:

Peat wrote:

In my industry (nuclear), when you have meetings on site, the chairperson has to start the meeting with a 'safety moment'.

That can be 'Always use the handrails when using the stairs' or 'Take extra care while driving in the wet' etc.

I can usually be seen looking to the gods and gently shaking my head at this point of the meeting.

I have arranged a 4 day working week.
Although the main benefit is an extended weekend every week, without doubt a side benefit is avoiding said weekly safety meetings on a Friday morning.

I'd have thought that given the industry in which you work, a safety moment would include "Don't touch anything that glows" and "If it says "Danger", then believe it"

daviesee

SecretSam wrote:

I'd have thought that given the industry in which you work, a safety moment would include "Don't touch anything that glows" and "If it says "Danger", then believe it"

I like that idea.
I won't switch on my monitor. It glows.

But then I wouldn't be able to come on here and may have to do some work. FAIL.

peat

Well, you certainly don't lick the machinery or suck your gloves. You'd get very sick, very quickly by doing that....

4kicks

dmclite-3.0 wrote:

Slight deviation from OP, but on my commute I go past some dodgy pubs through Gravesend, Ebbsfleet, Greenhythe etc, and on the blackboard on one pronouncing the daily specials/upcoming events they had written, "Lager and Fighting", which was truthful, accurate and cheered me up.

In a similar vein, theres a pub opposite the (old) 7RHA barracks where the furniture is nailed to the floor and you get your drinks served through a small hatch at the bar which offered "live fighting"..