Hell has broken loose and the Pope is in trouble
pinno
Posts: 51,341
Vatican News
Issue No.: 21345 July 2013
Pope Francis; taken ill:
Today, Pope Francis held a special ceremony to mark the desecration of Leo. Da Vincis most famous of works The Last Supper. However, mid-way through the service, Pope Francis fainted causing much alarm and rumours of yet another Pope stepping down through ill health. The magnitude of the abhorrent defacing of a work of art has really taken its toll on the Pope. However, Pope Francis remains at the helm despite the gravity of the scandal now banging at the church door.
The mysterious villainous ‘S’
A warrant has been put out for the arrest of a man believed to be from Croydonshire England. He has not been formally named and is immediately recognisable as he is wearing a frogman outfit. He was last seen carrying 3 nitrous oxide gas bottles. The gas was extracted from his own posterior in an ingenious Heinz beans/Tesco loyalty card swindle scam experiment carried out successfully from a small garden shed. He attempted an escape to France via a sewerage pipe. Interpol say that on no account must a member of public approach him as he is extraordinarily smelly and is attracting flies.
'S' is seen here at his office party to celebrate the ironic title of 'employee of the month'. Notice his considerable dilligence with the use of Veet. This photo was taken before the 'meltdown':
Members of the public are urged to spread carpet tacks everywhere in Croydon as the villainous ‘S’ apparently rides a bicycle. This method of halting cyclists progress was last attempted at a Velocipedal Caledonian orgy of mass participation. Critics of this approach say that the suspect may be using solid rubber tyres as used at the turn of the 20th Century as pneumatic tyres have not been imported into this part of England. Croydonshire gentleman who ride velocipedes can often be heard screeching in tones like:"... get outta my f*cking way...is that yaw mota or did ya bleedin nick it?...i'll 'av yew for breakfast..its a cycle lane, not a f*cking excuse to park your car there" as cobbled roads combined with solid tyres causes premature failure of the testicles and reasoning.
Father Edward of Craggy Island
Contact with father Ted Crilly is being attempted at a mass séance on the Island of Craggy. Due to take place this weekend at the father O’Reilly Arms, Tel.: +353 121 121. Members of the public are welcome. Pints - available from only 2 Euros during happy hour. Habits will be searched upon entry.
Father O'Reilly Arms - The Bes' in the Wes'.
Issue No.: 21345 July 2013
Pope Francis; taken ill:
Today, Pope Francis held a special ceremony to mark the desecration of Leo. Da Vincis most famous of works The Last Supper. However, mid-way through the service, Pope Francis fainted causing much alarm and rumours of yet another Pope stepping down through ill health. The magnitude of the abhorrent defacing of a work of art has really taken its toll on the Pope. However, Pope Francis remains at the helm despite the gravity of the scandal now banging at the church door.
The mysterious villainous ‘S’
A warrant has been put out for the arrest of a man believed to be from Croydonshire England. He has not been formally named and is immediately recognisable as he is wearing a frogman outfit. He was last seen carrying 3 nitrous oxide gas bottles. The gas was extracted from his own posterior in an ingenious Heinz beans/Tesco loyalty card swindle scam experiment carried out successfully from a small garden shed. He attempted an escape to France via a sewerage pipe. Interpol say that on no account must a member of public approach him as he is extraordinarily smelly and is attracting flies.
'S' is seen here at his office party to celebrate the ironic title of 'employee of the month'. Notice his considerable dilligence with the use of Veet. This photo was taken before the 'meltdown':
Members of the public are urged to spread carpet tacks everywhere in Croydon as the villainous ‘S’ apparently rides a bicycle. This method of halting cyclists progress was last attempted at a Velocipedal Caledonian orgy of mass participation. Critics of this approach say that the suspect may be using solid rubber tyres as used at the turn of the 20th Century as pneumatic tyres have not been imported into this part of England. Croydonshire gentleman who ride velocipedes can often be heard screeching in tones like:"... get outta my f*cking way...is that yaw mota or did ya bleedin nick it?...i'll 'av yew for breakfast..its a cycle lane, not a f*cking excuse to park your car there" as cobbled roads combined with solid tyres causes premature failure of the testicles and reasoning.
Father Edward of Craggy Island
Contact with father Ted Crilly is being attempted at a mass séance on the Island of Craggy. Due to take place this weekend at the father O’Reilly Arms, Tel.: +353 121 121. Members of the public are welcome. Pints - available from only 2 Euros during happy hour. Habits will be searched upon entry.
Father O'Reilly Arms - The Bes' in the Wes'.
seanoconn - gruagach craic!
0
Comments
-
He needs a stiff one - otherwise known as the saviour ballysmate dancing.
The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns
momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself.0 -
No wonder he jacked the job in.
He is joining me on the next series of Strictly. I think he is partnered with Anton. I've got the fit Polish piece, who's name I can't remember.0 -
That money was only resting in my account!Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי0
