I was abducted by little green men...

pinno
pinno Posts: 51,329
edited June 2013 in The cake stop
...who forced me into sex with alien women. I was sitting in my hot tub when this blinding beam of light sucked me up into this spinning disc laden with bright lights and technology I have never seen before.
God it was terrifying. They stretched my foreskin over my head and made me burrel on my elbow...and the best of it is - no one is listening to me. I phoned the MOD and they said:

"I'm sorry, but this number is no longer recognised...I'm sorry but this number is..."

Who do I turn to?
seanoconn - gruagach craic!

Comments

  • MattC59
    MattC59 Posts: 5,408
    pinarello001 wrote:
    ...who forced me into sex with alien women. I was sitting in my hot tub when this blinding beam of light sucked me up into this spinning disc laden with bright lights and technology I have never seen before.
    God it was terrifying. They stretched my foreskin over my head and made me burrel on my elbow...and the best of it is - no one is listening to me. I phoned the MOD and they said:

    "I'm sorry, but this number is no longer recognised...I'm sorry but this number is..."

    Who do I turn to?

    It happened to you too ?!?!!?!?!
    :shock:
    Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
  • Ride hard
    Ride hard Posts: 389
    I'm not sure who you can turn to, but you could just watch an episode of Eastenders because then you'll realise your experience really was that bad.
    Reporter: "What's your prediction for the fight?"
    Clubber Lang: "Prediction?"
    Reporter: "Yes. Prediction"
    Clubber Lang: "....Pain!!!"
  • seanoconn
    seanoconn Posts: 11,401
    Ha! Suspiciously coherent post! Nice try shapeshifter. You should have done your research first.

    Finish your examination/experiments (may I recommend the 18 inch anal probe) and return the real Pinarello. Harmed or unharmed, we're not that bothered.
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • AchillesLeftKnee
    AchillesLeftKnee Posts: 713
    pinarello001 wrote:
    They stretched my foreskin over my head and made me burrel on my elbow...and the best of it is - no one is listening to me.
    We're trying to listen but you're a bit muffled. Taking your foreskin off your head might be a start.
    Mangeur
  • simonhead
    simonhead Posts: 1,399
    Heres where you went wrong
    1. Phoning the MOD.big mistake, they now have you under surveillance, your phone is tapped, your car has a hidden GPS tracker and that fly that has been buzzing around that you cant seem to squash is a tiny flying camera.
    2. Assuming it was sex, not all aliens reproduce in the same way we do, you may have just been scratching her armpit).
    3. Not going with the flow, rather than having to be forced into it you should have just relaxed and let it happen....cmon man havent you seen cocoon.

    So if you still want to report it you need to contact Dave at Ridleys in London and use the code word My foreskin smells like Uranus.
    Life isnt like a box of chocolates, its like a bag of pic n mix.
  • ballysmate
    ballysmate Posts: 15,921
    simonhead wrote:
    Heres where you went wrong
    1. Phoning the MOD.big mistake, they now have you under surveillance, your phone is tapped, your car has a hidden GPS tracker and that fly that has been buzzing around that you cant seem to squash is a tiny flying camera.
    2. Assuming it was sex, not all aliens reproduce in the same way we do, you may have just been scratching her armpit).
    3. Not going with the flow, rather than having to be forced into it you should have just relaxed and let it happen....cmon man havent you seen cocoon.

    So if you still want to report it you need to contact Dave at Ridleys in London and use the code word My foreskin smells like Uranus.

    Have you considered the possibility you may be up the stick, in the pudding club. eating for two, PREGNANT?
  • FocusZing
    FocusZing Posts: 4,373
    pinarello001 wrote:
    ...who forced me into sex with alien women. I was sitting in my hot tub when this blinding beam of light sucked me up into this spinning disc laden with bright lights and technology I have never seen before.
    God it was terrifying. They stretched my foreskin over my head and made me burrel on my elbow...and the best of it is - no one is listening to me. I phoned the MOD and they said:

    "I'm sorry, but this number is no longer recognised...I'm sorry but this number is..."

    Who do I turn to?

    Scientology by the sounds of it. Hey! Can you ask Tom Cruise if he really stood on a tortoise to be taller than that blonde in Top Gun?
  • Mikey23
    Mikey23 Posts: 5,306
    Yup those zoggites really are a pain aren't they...
  • Mark Alexander
    Mark Alexander Posts: 2,277
    Are you sure it wasn't Orica Green Edge rider's groupies?
    http://twitter.com/mgalex
    www.ogmorevalleywheelers.co.uk

    10TT 24:36 25TT: 57:59 50TT: 2:08:11, 100TT: 4:30:05 12hr 204.... unfinished business
  • capt_slog
    capt_slog Posts: 3,946
    You've got a hot tub? :shock:


    The older I get, the better I was.

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