Greenclaws
the playing mantis
Posts: 2,129
"There was just something terribly bizarre about the programme Greenclaws. In kids' programmes of the 1980s, there were certainly a considerable amount of characters who looked like sure contenders for the title of Strangest looking creature ever award, but I think Greenclaws would have beaten them all to it. Greenclaws can only be described as a six foot tall, bespectacled, long-haired, aged looking, clumsy, bug-type green monster with a weight problem. I believe he got his name from the term "Greenfingers", the difference being that Greenfingers is a name given to HUMANS that are into gardening and plants etc, whereas, apparently, Greenclaws is a name given to monsters who are into gardening and plants etc, monsters having claws as opposed to fingers.
Anyway, Greenclaws lived in a house, which, to put it nicely, was a complete s**thole. It had only one room, I believe, and also, a greenhouse joined to it where you would expect a conservatory to be. I am not sure how he ended up being in possession of a house. Where would he get the money from to pay his council tax? He didn't appear to have a job (well, he was never heard to be complaining about what a hard day he'd had at the office, anyway), and, let's face it, there isn't exactly a great demand for clumsy monsters in British industry, and in 1988/89, jobs were all the more scarce, Britain being under Thatcher's rule and all. Unless he lived off the state, which wouldn't have been a very good example to set young children. And I wasn't aware that monsters qualified for unemployment benefit at any rate - though invalidity benefit would perhaps have been more appropriate. Anyway, he used to plant seeds and put them in his tree in his greenhouse to grow into plants. This tree was guarded by Owlma the owl, who made Greenclaws answer questions before being allowed to have his new plant. That owl was very vain and annoying if you ask me. What gave it the right to insist that he answered its stupid questions? And what right did it have to sit forever on a branch of Greenclaws' tree? If I was Greenclaws and had a gun, I'd have been tempted to shoot it. Anyway, Greenclaws' trusty companion who helped him plant his seeds and answer that stupid owl's questions, was Iris, a fully-grown woman with all the mentality, intellect and behaviour of a six and a half year old. She always looked somewhat disturbed, nervous and traumatised, but, to be fair, if I spent so much time with Greenclaws, I'd probably be just as bad. So, the intellectually-deficient Iris would somehow interpret what the owl, who spoke Owlmaese, I presume, said, when she was asking them those aforementioned questions which they had to answer in order to get their plant. The questions always went " twoo, twoo, twit, twit, twoo " or that's what it sounded like to all non-Owlmaese speaking persons. When they answered the questions correctly, they got their plant, which grew something or other. Throughout the programmes, they had plants which grew chocolate, bread and other things, but never once did it grow vegetables. But then, with Greenclaws and Iris around, there was hardly any great shortage of vegetables. Also, in each programme, Greenclaws would read a story to Iris (glad that at least one of them had learned to read) which usually was about one of Greenclaws' relatives. Also featured, was Greenclaws' pet macaw, Percy, who was probably the most intelligent of them all. He was less annoying than Owlma, despite macaws surely being more annoying than owls, usually.
Without a doubt, Greenclaws is one of the best kids' programmes ever made, boasting both good story lines and originality. I thoroughly enjoyed the programme, even if only because it made me feel intelligent"
classic
Anyway, Greenclaws lived in a house, which, to put it nicely, was a complete s**thole. It had only one room, I believe, and also, a greenhouse joined to it where you would expect a conservatory to be. I am not sure how he ended up being in possession of a house. Where would he get the money from to pay his council tax? He didn't appear to have a job (well, he was never heard to be complaining about what a hard day he'd had at the office, anyway), and, let's face it, there isn't exactly a great demand for clumsy monsters in British industry, and in 1988/89, jobs were all the more scarce, Britain being under Thatcher's rule and all. Unless he lived off the state, which wouldn't have been a very good example to set young children. And I wasn't aware that monsters qualified for unemployment benefit at any rate - though invalidity benefit would perhaps have been more appropriate. Anyway, he used to plant seeds and put them in his tree in his greenhouse to grow into plants. This tree was guarded by Owlma the owl, who made Greenclaws answer questions before being allowed to have his new plant. That owl was very vain and annoying if you ask me. What gave it the right to insist that he answered its stupid questions? And what right did it have to sit forever on a branch of Greenclaws' tree? If I was Greenclaws and had a gun, I'd have been tempted to shoot it. Anyway, Greenclaws' trusty companion who helped him plant his seeds and answer that stupid owl's questions, was Iris, a fully-grown woman with all the mentality, intellect and behaviour of a six and a half year old. She always looked somewhat disturbed, nervous and traumatised, but, to be fair, if I spent so much time with Greenclaws, I'd probably be just as bad. So, the intellectually-deficient Iris would somehow interpret what the owl, who spoke Owlmaese, I presume, said, when she was asking them those aforementioned questions which they had to answer in order to get their plant. The questions always went " twoo, twoo, twit, twit, twoo " or that's what it sounded like to all non-Owlmaese speaking persons. When they answered the questions correctly, they got their plant, which grew something or other. Throughout the programmes, they had plants which grew chocolate, bread and other things, but never once did it grow vegetables. But then, with Greenclaws and Iris around, there was hardly any great shortage of vegetables. Also, in each programme, Greenclaws would read a story to Iris (glad that at least one of them had learned to read) which usually was about one of Greenclaws' relatives. Also featured, was Greenclaws' pet macaw, Percy, who was probably the most intelligent of them all. He was less annoying than Owlma, despite macaws surely being more annoying than owls, usually.
Without a doubt, Greenclaws is one of the best kids' programmes ever made, boasting both good story lines and originality. I thoroughly enjoyed the programme, even if only because it made me feel intelligent"
classic
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Comments
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the playing mantis wrote:"There was just something terribly bizarre about the programme Greenclaws. In kids' programmes of the 1980s, there were...
I read that much.
Are you OK? Should we send a nurse or a calibration team?0 -
I vaguely remember the programme, a bit after my time. What i loved was dogtanian
Life isnt like a box of chocolates, its like a bag of pic n mix.0 -
This "greenclaws", had you been on the "greengear" by any chance?
It sounds a bit chemically induced to me :shock:
Dogtanian I remember vaguely, but Greenclaws is new to me.
I liked Barnaby the Bear, and Bod as a kid
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One of the weirdest was Pob, where he spat all over the screen. My wife recons he looked a bit like WiggoLife isnt like a box of chocolates, its like a bag of pic n mix.0
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You sir, have truly raised the bar for BSthe playing mantis wrote:"There was just something terribly bizarre about the programme Greenclaws. In kids' programmes of the 1980s, there were certainly a considerable amount of characters who looked like sure contenders for the title of Strangest looking creature ever award, but I think Greenclaws would have beaten them all to it. Greenclaws can only be described as a six foot tall, bespectacled, long-haired, aged looking, clumsy, bug-type green monster with a weight problem. I believe he got his name from the term "Greenfingers", the difference being that Greenfingers is a name given to HUMANS that are into gardening and plants etc, whereas, apparently, Greenclaws is a name given to monsters who are into gardening and plants etc, monsters having claws as opposed to fingers.
Anyway, Greenclaws lived in a house, which, to put it nicely, was a complete s**thole. It had only one room, I believe, and also, a greenhouse joined to it where you would expect a conservatory to be. I am not sure how he ended up being in possession of a house. Where would he get the money from to pay his council tax? He didn't appear to have a job (well, he was never heard to be complaining about what a hard day he'd had at the office, anyway), and, let's face it, there isn't exactly a great demand for clumsy monsters in British industry, and in 1988/89, jobs were all the more scarce, Britain being under Thatcher's rule and all. Unless he lived off the state, which wouldn't have been a very good example to set young children. And I wasn't aware that monsters qualified for unemployment benefit at any rate - though invalidity benefit would perhaps have been more appropriate. Anyway, he used to plant seeds and put them in his tree in his greenhouse to grow into plants. This tree was guarded by Owlma the owl, who made Greenclaws answer questions before being allowed to have his new plant. That owl was very vain and annoying if you ask me. What gave it the right to insist that he answered its stupid questions? And what right did it have to sit forever on a branch of Greenclaws' tree? If I was Greenclaws and had a gun, I'd have been tempted to shoot it. Anyway, Greenclaws' trusty companion who helped him plant his seeds and answer that stupid owl's questions, was Iris, a fully-grown woman with all the mentality, intellect and behaviour of a six and a half year old. She always looked somewhat disturbed, nervous and traumatised, but, to be fair, if I spent so much time with Greenclaws, I'd probably be just as bad. So, the intellectually-deficient Iris would somehow interpret what the owl, who spoke Owlmaese, I presume, said, when she was asking them those aforementioned questions which they had to answer in order to get their plant. The questions always went " twoo, twoo, twit, twit, twoo " or that's what it sounded like to all non-Owlmaese speaking persons. When they answered the questions correctly, they got their plant, which grew something or other. Throughout the programmes, they had plants which grew chocolate, bread and other things, but never once did it grow vegetables. But then, with Greenclaws and Iris around, there was hardly any great shortage of vegetables. Also, in each programme, Greenclaws would read a story to Iris (glad that at least one of them had learned to read) which usually was about one of Greenclaws' relatives. Also featured, was Greenclaws' pet macaw, Percy, who was probably the most intelligent of them all. He was less annoying than Owlma, despite macaws surely being more annoying than owls, usually.
Without a doubt, Greenclaws is one of the best kids' programmes ever made, boasting both good story lines and originality. I thoroughly enjoyed the programme, even if only because it made me feel intelligent"
classic
It's also comforting to know that you don't work in the public sector and my tax isn't paying for this post Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי0 -
Wow.0
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simonhead wrote:I vaguely remember the programme, a bit after my time. What i loved was dogtanian
one for all and all for one muskehounds are always ready0 -
Anyone recall "Chorlton and the Wheelies"?
This came on to he TV a few years after I started work, and as I worked a three-shift pattern, sometimes I'd see it on daytime/kids TV. It became a must-see for the group of us on the same shift. It was funny and surreal stop-animation production, which like many of this ilk was far too good for kids.
The older I get, the better I was.0 -
all this said 'Belle and Sebastian' peed all over everything else!0
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the playing mantis wrote:all this said 'Belle and Sebastian' peed all over everything else!
Anothe classic from my childhood.
Cities of gold anyone?Life isnt like a box of chocolates, its like a bag of pic n mix.0 -
I used to love chorlton - that greenclaws was cut an dpasted from an IMDB page - from 10 years ago !!!!
The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns
momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself.0 -
hence the quotation mark/inverted commas and my remark of 'classic' cleat. never professed it to be my own work. not nearly witty enough to come up with that...0
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I missed the speech marks....... But I'm still disappointed its not original BSCleat Eastwood wrote:- that greenclaws was cut an dpasted from an IMDB page - from 10 years ago !!!! Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי0 -
as if i have the time to come with that. im busy working for a living.0
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the playing mantis wrote:yes its a very slow day at work, hence the BS i have been posting today...
Always busy? Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי0 -
yep we cant always be ruining the country you know, have to take a bit of down time and look up childhood tv shows everynow and then. im off to lunch now.0
