Major scientific discoveries!
knownothingbozo
Posts: 168
Out riding today, I made two major scientific discoveries, and wanted to give you all the chance to invest before google or apple get in first.
1. I have discovered the secret of invisibility. It turns out it's something to do with cycle lanes. I noticed today that if you ride in a cycle lane, lorries etc drive along the road, with nearside wheel almost on the dividing line. Thus giving me no space to avoid the very rare pot hole that can be occasionally found, and buffeting me with the wind. Whereas as soon as I move off the cycle lane, lorries give me a reasonable amount of space. Only one explanation fits the facts, that being that cycle lanes make you invisible. I have considered the alternative that drivers are gits, but conclude that this cannot possibly be the case. The phrase "sorry mate I didn't see you" may now have some scientific validity if you were riding in a cycle lane.
Clearly this breakthrough means that I will be able to sell the secret to a variety of suckers, sorry investers, ranging from the American military, all the way to hormonal schoolboys. (Come on who hasn't thought about what they'd do if they were invisible?)
2. An unusual experience happened today - as I was riding along a saw this dark shape following me, I got scared and tried to out ride it for a while but it kept up with me. I did however discover that it doesn't like trees, as when I cycled though a wooded area, it disappeared. It's a sneaky bugger though, as it was waiting in ambush when I got to the other side. I have done some research with well known academics, some of whom actually work for a living, and apparently it's called a "shadow". It's incredibly rare in this country, and generally occurs when something called the "sunshine" comes out. Sometimes you can go whole months without seeing one. Importantly scientists suggest you should avoid talking to one, as some special scientists in white coats may need to take you somewhere quiet, and wherever possible you should avoid trying to hug one, especially at speed.
I'm happy to take cheques on a postcard to fund further research into both matters, either that or an IOU written on a £50 note will suffice.
1. I have discovered the secret of invisibility. It turns out it's something to do with cycle lanes. I noticed today that if you ride in a cycle lane, lorries etc drive along the road, with nearside wheel almost on the dividing line. Thus giving me no space to avoid the very rare pot hole that can be occasionally found, and buffeting me with the wind. Whereas as soon as I move off the cycle lane, lorries give me a reasonable amount of space. Only one explanation fits the facts, that being that cycle lanes make you invisible. I have considered the alternative that drivers are gits, but conclude that this cannot possibly be the case. The phrase "sorry mate I didn't see you" may now have some scientific validity if you were riding in a cycle lane.
Clearly this breakthrough means that I will be able to sell the secret to a variety of suckers, sorry investers, ranging from the American military, all the way to hormonal schoolboys. (Come on who hasn't thought about what they'd do if they were invisible?)
2. An unusual experience happened today - as I was riding along a saw this dark shape following me, I got scared and tried to out ride it for a while but it kept up with me. I did however discover that it doesn't like trees, as when I cycled though a wooded area, it disappeared. It's a sneaky bugger though, as it was waiting in ambush when I got to the other side. I have done some research with well known academics, some of whom actually work for a living, and apparently it's called a "shadow". It's incredibly rare in this country, and generally occurs when something called the "sunshine" comes out. Sometimes you can go whole months without seeing one. Importantly scientists suggest you should avoid talking to one, as some special scientists in white coats may need to take you somewhere quiet, and wherever possible you should avoid trying to hug one, especially at speed.
I'm happy to take cheques on a postcard to fund further research into both matters, either that or an IOU written on a £50 note will suffice.
Some people are like slinkies - not much use for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
http://knownothingbozoandhisbike.blogspot.com/
http://knownothingbozoandhisbike.blogspot.com/
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Comments
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Quality stuff
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Can your scientist friends talk to my local P**cture fairy who seems to follow me more regularly than other road users I read about.
No matter how hard I try I cannot seem to swat her out of the way. Perhaps this sunshine Phenomena you mention may help me.0 -
Nice one...0
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Poppycock!!!
Shadows indeed, next you'll claim the moon is made of cheese
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I almost rode myself to exhaustion today trying to shake off the rider that came up onto my shoulder. It didn't matter how fast I went, there he was right there on my shoulder. Having read your scientific research paper I have now concluded that I may also have experienced this Phenomenon that you call a "shadow".0
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More news,
Sudden outbreak of Peter Pan syndrome found amongst UK cyclists.0 -
Sarcasium love it, made me chuckle to myself2010 GT Series 4 ultegra wheels & brakes
2008 Claud Butler hard tail not very original any more0 -
Hybrids and mountain bikes also make you invisible to roadies - you get a smile or a cheery wave when you are on your road bike but if you go out on non road bike then you become invisible. This occurs even if you are on the road and not a cycle path 0
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I have found (when I had a hybrid) that if you overtake the roadies your invisibility shield often turns into a magnetic force and you will find that they are strangely drawn towards you. If you speed up, they are still right behind you. Sometimes the force is so strong it catapults them back in front of you again and off into the distance!0
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marylogic wrote:Hybrids and mountain bikes also make you invisible to roadies - you get a smile or a cheery wave when you are on your road bike but if you go out on non road bike then you become invisible. This occurs even if you are on the road and not a cycle path
I ride a hybrid and get friendly nods from even the most stereotypical of road riders. I still think they're a friendly bunch. 0 -
pinkteapot wrote:marylogic wrote:Hybrids and mountain bikes also make you invisible to roadies - you get a smile or a cheery wave when you are on your road bike but if you go out on non road bike then you become invisible. This occurs even if you are on the road and not a cycle path
I ride a hybrid and get friendly nods from even the most stereotypical of road riders. I still think they're a friendly bunch.
You must be prettier than me then!
2015 Specialized Tarmac Expert Ultegra
2016 Focus Mares CX Ultegra
2016 Specialized Stumpjumper HT Comp Carbon 29
2012 Boardman Road Race 105
2013 Specialized Hardrock Disc0 -
pinkteapot wrote:marylogic wrote:Hybrids and mountain bikes also make you invisible to roadies - you get a smile or a cheery wave when you are on your road bike but if you go out on non road bike then you become invisible. This occurs even if you are on the road and not a cycle path
I ride a hybrid and get friendly nods from even the most stereotypical of road riders. I still think they're a friendly bunch.
Do they wink at you as they nod though
Either that or are you wearing any Assos or Rapha kit?
I am a friendly guy and would still say hi.......odd thing is I do not remember seeing an MTB or hybrid since getting my road bike 0 -
Always thought No.2 as the cheapskates version of Garmin Virtual Partner I've added a signature to prove it is still possible.0
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I have been known to nearly fall off my bike due to an appearance of said 'shadow' - it can loom up like there's a big lorry going to run you down *yikes*
Another cycling law of physics I've noticed is that a revving engine behind me tends to tractor beam me into the centre of the lane and halve my speed. A car horn has the same effect only quicker but also engages a reflex action that involves loss of grip of my right arm on my handlebar and extension of my middle finger.
Strange, strange stuff.0 -
A shadow you say. Thank funk for that! I can take it a bit easier now. I thought it was the Grim Reaper and pedled like a loon to try and get away from him!0
