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WTF is a 'Door Audit'?

chrisaonabikechrisaonabike Posts: 1,919
edited March 2013 in The cake stop
My OH messaged me just now, telling me she just had a bloke at her office door, asking if she had any more doors in her office, since he was doing a door audit.

Sadly her brain shut down at the very concept (as I think mine probably would have), so she didn't have the presence of mind to ask him "wtf is a door audit and why do they want one?"

So in the search for illumination, I'd like to open the door (god, I'm so funny) to the combined wisdom of those here assembled.

WTF is a ****ing door audit in a large organisation?????
Is the gorilla tired yet?

Posts

  • capt_slogcapt_slog Posts: 3,362
    There are over 800,000 results if you put 'door' in a search on Ebay. The theft of doors is rife as they are fetching big money, so the company has to keep track of how many doors they have, hence the door audit.

    I've had my office door stolen twice last year. I had to wait around for half a day each time for estates to come and fit a new one so I could get in. We reported it to the police on both occasions, they had a suspect but not enough evidence to go to court; it was an open and shut case.

    :mrgreen:


    The older I get, the better I was.

  • cornerblockcornerblock Posts: 3,228
    Comes to your OH office with the old 'door audit' line. I'd watch that bloke if I was you.
  • schweizschweiz Posts: 1,644
    Fire door with with automatic closer linked to the fire/smoke alarm? I guess they have to be checked on a regular basis.
  • MonkeypumpMonkeypump Posts: 1,528
    :? :? :?

    Anything to do with left-handed screwdrivers and tartan paint?
  • The MechanicThe Mechanic Posts: 1,277
    Was the guy wearing double breasted wellies and a crape soled cap. If so then he was probably my brother.

    PS I am sure a "door audit" used to be called "fire door maintenance" :roll:
    I have only two things to say to that; Bo***cks
  • lucan2lucan2 Posts: 295
    If there were any doors missing he would have been shown the empty doorway surely? And then he could have reported that he had looked into it. It seems to be a very important job, with good career prospects.

    Opening doors to future opportunities?
  • Cleat EastwoodCleat Eastwood Posts: 8,191
    I've been with the ruffians of Stoke when they've been on m-hinge count :lol:
    The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns
    momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself.
  • cornerblockcornerblock Posts: 3,228
    I can see this thread being locked.



    *groans at own pun*
  • Wirral_paulWirral_paul Posts: 2,476
    Comes to your OH office with the old 'door audit' line. I'd watch that bloke if I was you.

    ^^ Agreed - you need to go to her work and fill this guy in - before your other half becomes HIS other half :mrgreen:
  • finchyfinchy Posts: 6,889
    I don't know what a door audit is, but I presume you have to handle them well.
  • capt_slogcapt_slog Posts: 3,362
    I've been with the ruffians of Stoke when they've been on m-hinge count :lol:

    do they run around shouting "look at the knockers on that!" ?


    The older I get, the better I was.

  • MichaelWMichaelW Posts: 2,226
    I'd show him the door sharpish.... BOOM BOOM!
  • maybe he's looking for some doors to smash in ... ? :lol:
  • WunnundaWunnunda Posts: 214
    You are all completely unhinged....
  • ethanhayesethanhayes Posts: 112
    I normally like puns, but I couldn't handle some of these.
  • BigJimmyBBigJimmyB Posts: 1,302
    I think they key thing is that this guy is brassing people off with this frame of mind he's in. Probably off his [letter] box....
  • It's not a simple open and shut case. It could lead the door wide open for further abuse.
    "The Prince of Wales is now the King of France" - Calton Kirby
  • Kieran_BurnsKieran_Burns Posts: 10,052
    Was he in fact looking for a jar?
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • rolf_frolf_f Posts: 15,959
    Doors? Least of your worries. We had a conventional office until someone stole the walls and now it's open plan....
    Faster than a tent.......
  • me-109me-109 Posts: 1,302
    Rolf F wrote:
    Doors? Least of your worries. We had a conventional office until someone stole the walls and now it's open plan....
    That just makes Door Audits so simple:
    Auditor: Doors?
    Auditee: Main door. Fire exit.
    Auditor: My work here is done.
  • ademortademort Posts: 1,924
    A door audit depending on the place of work can take place annually. Usually all doors will be checked for the following

    1 The door is numbered or correct name or ident tag is in place.

    2 The door is not damaged and works as it should do.

    3 If it,s a fire door or emergency door it will be subject to the above and the area immediately in front and behind the doors will be checked to ensure that they are completely free of obstacle or hazards as per spec.

    In normal circumstances after an audit no immediate action needs to be taken if there are any anomilies re 1 and 2 as above. However if there are any problems with the fire or emergency exit doors immediate action will need to be taken.

    Door audits can be performed by the fire service or by independents. It,s entirely upto the company who they choose to perform the audit. I did hear from a colleague that the fire service were usually more expensive.
    Ademort
    ademort
    Chinarello, record and Mavic Cosmic Sl
    Gazelle Vuelta , veloce
    Giant Defy 4
    Mirage Columbus SL
    Batavus Ventura
  • ademort wrote:
    A door audit depending on the place of work can take place annually. Usually all doors will be checked for the following

    1 The door is numbered or correct name or ident tag is in place.

    2 The door is not damaged and works as it should do.

    3 If it,s a fire door or emergency door it will be subject to the above and the area immediately in front and behind the doors will be checked to ensure that they are completely free of obstacle or hazards as per spec.

    In normal circumstances after an audit no immediate action needs to be taken if there are any anomilies re 1 and 2 as above. However if there are any problems with the fire or emergency exit doors immediate action will need to be taken.

    Door audits can be performed by the fire service or by independents. It,s entirely upto the company who they choose to perform the audit. I did hear from a colleague that the fire service were usually more expensive.
    Ademort

    They pay people to do that?

    No wonder companies are going bust and the govt is over spending.

    That's worse than the guys at my work who are paid to print out pie charts of what happened last week (the pie charts don't change anything next week).
    "The Prince of Wales is now the King of France" - Calton Kirby
  • ademortademort Posts: 1,924
    ademort wrote:
    A door audit depending on the place of work can take place annually. Usually all doors will be checked for the following

    1 The door is numbered or correct name or ident tag is in place.

    2 The door is not damaged and works as it should do.

    3 If it,s a fire door or emergency door it will be subject to the above and the area immediately in front and behind the doors will be checked to ensure that they are completely free of obstacle or hazards as per spec.

    In normal circumstances after an audit no immediate action needs to be taken if there are any anomilies re 1 and 2 as above. However if there are any problems with the fire or emergency exit doors immediate action will need to be taken.

    Door audits can be performed by the fire service or by independents. It,s entirely upto the company who they choose to perform the audit. I did hear from a colleague that the fire service were usually more expensive.
    Ademort

    They pay people to do that?

    No wonder companies are going bust and the govt is over spending.

    That's worse than the guys at my work who are paid to print out pie charts of what happened last week (the pie charts don't change anything next week).

    Well look at it this way, they pay traffic wardens don,t they
    Ademort
    ademort
    Chinarello, record and Mavic Cosmic Sl
    Gazelle Vuelta , veloce
    Giant Defy 4
    Mirage Columbus SL
    Batavus Ventura
  • essjaydeeessjaydee Posts: 917
    Sounds like a rewarding and challenging career :roll:
  • With great career prospects as well.
  • Kieran_BurnsKieran_Burns Posts: 10,052
    With great career prospects as well.

    Plenty of openings...
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • essjaydeeessjaydee Posts: 917
    as one door closes, so another opens....
  • ademortademort Posts: 1,924
    I know what people must think but some jobs pay well and yet there really is [email protected]@ all to them. To think we go to school,college etc for all those years just to do that.
    Ademort
    ademort
    Chinarello, record and Mavic Cosmic Sl
    Gazelle Vuelta , veloce
    Giant Defy 4
    Mirage Columbus SL
    Batavus Ventura
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