The New UK Citizenship 'Licence'

pinno

No not for immigrants/foreign workers, for bleedin residents.

When you turn 18, I think there is a list of things that should be mandatory in order to become a fully fledged citizen of the UK. Failure to pass the test will result in re-tests eternally.

All applicants must:

Be able to wire a plug.
Do 3 weeks as a labourer/toilet cleaner/grounworker/scaffolder
Speak a whole sentance without saying 'innit', 'cool', 'awight' etc and without swearing.
Have to use a bicycle for 3 weeks as your only mode of transport...

I'm sure there are other things we could add.

bompington

I think you're on to something here.

I would add

"for two weeks eat only things you have grown or killed yourself"

nicklouse

Pour a proper pint of Beer.

MountainMonster

And definitely not of Stella or Foster but rather something quality

dynamicbrick

My suggestions;

- Know the grammatical difference between Your and You're
- Think that 'ur' relates only to the Audi quattro Turbo, and not something you put in an SMS message
- Take less than 30 seconds to leave the petrol pump after returning to the car having filled up
- Only wear tracksuits when about to embark or having just completed a sporting activity ('sport' defined as a competitive activity with a governing body. Shopping in Asda, despite resembling a very large and very badly educated brawl, is not a sport)

team47b

eligibility to join in this thread aside...

• proof of not being a parent
• a job without a name badge and or stars
• real shoes
• have more racial tolerance than Pinarello001

Lagrange

Is this not what Pol Pot tried to introduce - it had consequences as far as I recall.

Garry H

pinarello001 wrote:

No not for immigrants/foreign workers, for bleedin residents.

When you turn 18, I think there is a list of things that should be mandatory in order to become a fully fledged citizen of the UK. Failure to pass the test will result in re-tests eternally.

All applicants must:

Be able to wire a plug.
Do 3 weeks as a labourer/toilet cleaner/grounworker/scaffolder
Speak a whole sentance without saying 'innit', 'cool', 'awight' etc and without swearing.
Have to use a bicycle for 3 weeks as your only mode of transport...

I'm sure there are other things we could add.

Not going to include spelling in that then?

Yossie

Be able savour, enjoy, describe to a foreigner and appreciate the food of champions that is pork scratchings.

Lagrange

Are you suggesting going whoring in BK?

TheStone

pinarello001 wrote:

Be able to wire a plug.

That's a bit 1980s.

ben@31

pinarello001 wrote:

Be able to wire a plug.

I don't think I've done this in 20 years.

Now, the electrical stuff I use the most can even be plugged into a USB port.

Can't wait for wireless induction charging to become common.

pesky_jones

ben@31 wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

Be able to wire a plug.

I don't think I've done this in 20 years.

Now, the electrical stuff I use the most can even be plugged into a USB port.

Can't wait for wireless induction charging to become common.

I still do it every now and again, to hide lamp wires behind shelving etc.

dmclite-3.0

Be able to go out and not be on a mobile device for at least an hour.
Not to text whilst driving.
Must be appreciative of Blackadder or Young Ones or Only Fools and Horses.
Must moan about weather.
Must not go on all inclusive package holidays with the tattooed under-class and scoff burgers/lager all day.

Above all to be British you must enjoy a nice sit down and a chat. And enjoy curry.

smoggysteve

pinarello001 wrote:

Speak a whole sentance without saying 'innit', 'cool', 'awight' etc and without swearing

Well done, You just deported the entire population of Essex.

dmclite-3.0

SmoggySteve wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

Speak a whole sentance without saying 'innit', 'cool', 'awight' etc and without swearing

Well done, You just deported the entire population of Essex.

Faaachhkin' shhhuutt it you wankahhh.

MichaelW

Demonstrate a working knowledge of the reflexive pronoun.
(to all you Estate Agents and Insurance Salesmen: myself, yourself)

clickrumble

pinarello001 wrote:

No not for immigrants/foreign workers, for bleedin residents.

When you turn 18, I think there is a list of things that should be mandatory in order to become a fully fledged citizen of the UK. Failure to pass the test will result in re-tests eternally.

All applicants must:

Be able to wire a plug.
Do 3 weeks as a labourer/toilet cleaner/grounworker/scaffolder
Speak a whole sentance without saying 'innit', 'cool', 'awight' etc and without swearing.
Have to use a bicycle for 3 weeks as your only mode of transport...

I'm sure there are other things we could add.

Err, be able to write and spell properly with punctuation?

mattshrops

MountainMonster wrote:

And definitely not of Stella or Foster but rather something quality

He said beer.

team47b wrote:

eligibility to join in this thread aside...

• proof of not being a parent
• a job without a name badge and or stars
• real shoes
• have more racial tolerance than Pinarello001

Ooh that'll be tough

ThatBikeGuy

Proficiency driving in adverse weather conditions e.g. Snow.

smoggysteve

ThatBikeGuy wrote:

Proficiency driving in adverse weather conditions e.g. Snow.

Think Brits are the worst for this so shouldn't be hard