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The New UK Citizenship 'Licence'

pinnopinno Posts: 38,197
edited February 2013 in The bottom bracket
No not for immigrants/foreign workers, for bleedin residents.

When you turn 18, I think there is a list of things that should be mandatory in order to become a fully fledged citizen of the UK. Failure to pass the test will result in re-tests eternally.

All applicants must:

Be able to wire a plug.
Do 3 weeks as a labourer/toilet cleaner/grounworker/scaffolder
Speak a whole sentance without saying 'innit', 'cool', 'awight' etc and without swearing.
Have to use a bicycle for 3 weeks as your only mode of transport...

I'm sure there are other things we could add.
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W - Wiggle Honda

"This year will be harder than last year. But that is good news; this year will be easier than next year."

Posts

  • bompingtonbompington Posts: 7,028
    I think you're on to something here.

    I would add

    "for two weeks eat only things you have grown or killed yourself"
  • nicklousenicklouse Posts: 81,520 Lives Here
    Pour a proper pint of Beer.
    "Do not follow where the path may lead, Go instead where there is no path, and Leave a Trail."
    Parktools :?:SheldonBrown
  • And definitely not of Stella or Foster but rather something quality
  • My suggestions;

    - Know the grammatical difference between Your and You're
    - Think that 'ur' relates only to the Audi quattro Turbo, and not something you put in an SMS message
    - Take less than 30 seconds to leave the petrol pump after returning to the car having filled up
    - Only wear tracksuits when about to embark or having just completed a sporting activity ('sport' defined as a competitive activity with a governing body. Shopping in Asda, despite resembling a very large and very badly educated brawl, is not a sport)
  • team47bteam47b Posts: 6,424
    eligibility to join in this thread aside...

    • proof of not being a parent
    • a job without a name badge and or stars
    • real shoes
    • have more racial tolerance than Pinarello001 :D
    my isetta is a 300cc bike
  • LagrangeLagrange Posts: 652
    Is this not what Pol Pot tried to introduce - it had consequences as far as I recall.
  • Garry HGarry H Posts: 6,614
    No not for immigrants/foreign workers, for bleedin residents.

    When you turn 18, I think there is a list of things that should be mandatory in order to become a fully fledged citizen of the UK. Failure to pass the test will result in re-tests eternally.

    All applicants must:

    Be able to wire a plug.
    Do 3 weeks as a labourer/toilet cleaner/grounworker/scaffolder
    Speak a whole sentance without saying 'innit', 'cool', 'awight' etc and without swearing.
    Have to use a bicycle for 3 weeks as your only mode of transport...

    I'm sure there are other things we could add.

    Not going to include spelling in that then?
  • YossieYossie Posts: 2,600
    Be able savour, enjoy, describe to a foreigner and appreciate the food of champions that is pork scratchings.
  • LagrangeLagrange Posts: 652
    Are you suggesting going whoring in BK?
  • TheStoneTheStone Posts: 2,291
    Be able to wire a plug.

    That's a bit 1980s.
    exercise.png
  • Be able to wire a plug.

    I don't think I've done this in 20 years.

    Now, the electrical stuff I use the most can even be plugged into a USB port.

    Can't wait for wireless induction charging to become common.
    "The Prince of Wales is now the King of France" - Calton Kirby
  • Pesky JonesPesky Jones Posts: 2,986
    Be able to wire a plug.

    I don't think I've done this in 20 years.

    Now, the electrical stuff I use the most can even be plugged into a USB port.

    Can't wait for wireless induction charging to become common.

    I still do it every now and again, to hide lamp wires behind shelving etc.
    :D:lol::)cooldad :shock: :? :cry:
  • Be able to go out and not be on a mobile device for at least an hour.
    Not to text whilst driving.
    Must be appreciative of Blackadder or Young Ones or Only Fools and Horses.
    Must moan about weather.
    Must not go on all inclusive package holidays with the tattooed under-class and scoff burgers/lager all day.

    Above all to be British you must enjoy a nice sit down and a chat. And enjoy curry.
    I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast, but I'm intercontinental when I eat French toast...
  • smoggystevesmoggysteve Posts: 2,918
    Speak a whole sentance without saying 'innit', 'cool', 'awight' etc and without swearing

    Well done, You just deported the entire population of Essex.
  • Speak a whole sentance without saying 'innit', 'cool', 'awight' etc and without swearing

    Well done, You just deported the entire population of Essex.


    Faaachhkin' shhhuutt it you wankahhh. :D
    I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast, but I'm intercontinental when I eat French toast...
  • MichaelWMichaelW Posts: 2,226
    Demonstrate a working knowledge of the reflexive pronoun.
    (to all you Estate Agents and Insurance Salesmen: myself, yourself)
  • No not for immigrants/foreign workers, for bleedin residents.

    When you turn 18, I think there is a list of things that should be mandatory in order to become a fully fledged citizen of the UK. Failure to pass the test will result in re-tests eternally.

    All applicants must:

    Be able to wire a plug.
    Do 3 weeks as a labourer/toilet cleaner/grounworker/scaffolder
    Speak a whole sentance without saying 'innit', 'cool', 'awight' etc and without swearing.
    Have to use a bicycle for 3 weeks as your only mode of transport...

    I'm sure there are other things we could add.

    Err, be able to write and spell properly with punctuation?
  • mattshropsmattshrops Posts: 1,158
    And definitely not of Stella or Foster but rather something quality

    He said beer.
    team47b wrote:
    eligibility to join in this thread aside...

    • proof of not being a parent
    • a job without a name badge and or stars
    • real shoes
    have more racial tolerance than Pinarello001 :D

    Ooh that'll be tough :wink:
    Death or Glory- Just another Story
  • Proficiency driving in adverse weather conditions e.g. Snow.
    Cannondale SS Evo Team
    Kona Jake CX
    Cervelo P5
  • smoggystevesmoggysteve Posts: 2,918
    Proficiency driving in adverse weather conditions e.g. Snow.

    Think Brits are the worst for this so shouldn't be hard
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