You know you re a cyclist when...

pinno

johnfinch wrote:

natrix wrote:

When my little boy is straining to do a poo, I put him on his back, take his feet and move them in a circular motion, just like pedalling a bike.

Thats 'cos you feed the poor thing on tinned butchers tripe for dogs, you tight git.

finchy

pinarello001 wrote:

johnfinch wrote:

When my little boy is straining to do a poo, I put him on his back, take his feet and move them in a circular motion, just like pedalling a bike.

Thats 'cos you feed the poor thing on tinned butchers tripe for dogs, you tight git.

I'm not wasting money on tripe when milk comes out of mummy for free.

pinno

johnfinch wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

johnfinch wrote:

When my little boy is straining to do a poo, I put him on his back, take his feet and move them in a circular motion, just like pedalling a bike.

Thats 'cos you feed the poor thing on tinned butchers tripe for dogs, you tight git.

I'm not wasting money on tripe when milk comes out of mummy for free.

Which is a cue for the gag:

My missus had lovely t1ts, except the kids ate them.

You know you are a cyclist when you go out on a day like today and your todger has dissappeared* and when you find it, its blue.
*TBH, I have got accustomed to tying a bit of string to it before I go out, so I did'nt loose it but I must remember to take the string off because when it gets trapped in the wind up train engine at the ELC, I tend to get kicked out.

finchy

^^^ Has Cleat bitten you?

pinno

johnfinch wrote:

^^^ Has Cleat bitten you?

You mean, i've got Rabies ? That explains it. It all kicked off when Cleaty and my mother had a fling. He wore a kilt and met her at McWeatherspoons (tight basket). Mum (bless her cotton Damarts) was expecting Sean Connery. The fling went pear shaped and we ended up having a fight in the car park after I tracked him down to a Premier Inn just outside of Stoke. It was an ugly fight, involving vegetarian Haggises and redundant crank arms. Claire Balding refereed the exchange, providing excellent commentary throughout. It explains why the teeth marks on my left knee weren't Campag or Shimano compatible and also why Cleat has this thing about Stoke.
I'm off to the vet, pronto.

Cakegirl

...When guys with unshaven legs look weird and are definitely unfanciable.

jordan_217

You've ran out of email addresses to use for the Wiggle subscription £5 off voucher.

Your OH instinctively knows that all your cycling kit goes on a 30° wash with non-bio and any items with velcro closures go in one of those mesh bag things.

You cringe for 3 weeks in July when everyone at work suddenly turns into a cycling/TdF expert (I hope Bradley Cavendish takes the sprinters polka dot jersey this time round)

secretsam

- You don't understand why people are shocked that you'd spend a month's salary on a bike
- You nearly crash the car when overtaking a cyclist 'cos you're checking out his/her bike
- You get unhappy, crabby and morose when you can't ride your bike
- You consider taking a job near to home not because you want the job, but because you could do with the extra training miles

macleod113

You know when you dont need any kit but keep looking anyway... constantly!

i blame the several daily emails from the shops. £5 off here 10% off there. the boggas!

Pross

You find yourself automatically doing snot rockets whenever your nose is blocked no matter where you are.

You log every decent looking hill in you pass in your head and vow to come back to take it on at the first chance.

slowmart

Your bike costs more than your car.

Cleat Eastwood

You're mates ask if you've had a skin graft when looking at your mitt tan lined hands

dmclite-3.0

When you stand in front of the vending machine at work muttering, I shouldnt..........

When you have had a full weekend of hard riding, maybe a race and someone at work asks you how your weekend was. What you want to say it was fcuking hardcore I spent 10 hours out of 48 at the end of my rope riding like a b'stard and loving every painful sweaty minute of it. And all you say is," yeah, good went out on my bike for a few hours", 'cos you know they won't get it.

Constantly calculating how you can justify that next bit of kit, especially when that bit of kit is a set of Vittoria Corsa Evo tyres.

schweiz

dmclite-3.0 wrote:

When you stand in front of the vending machine at work muttering, I shouldnt..........

every day!

or justifying each of the 287 calories in a Snickers due to the fact your commute in burnt 863 calories!

tetley10

When you drive home from an appointment past your work to go and get your bike so you can ride into work.

Kieran_Burns

When you get this:

http://youtu.be/7Ke2R4TJauA

random man

Kieran_Burns wrote:

When you get this:

http://youtu.be/7Ke2R4TJauA

...and think it would be much better going uphill

(Where is it BTW?)

nicklouse

can you help?

i am trying to ID this bike.

cornerblock

Kieran_Burns wrote:

When you get this:

http://youtu.be/7Ke2R4TJauA

Great film of a beautiful ride, but my god the music! I very nearly started blubbering. Reminded me of another journey I once watched.

Kieran_Burns

random man wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

When you get this:

http://youtu.be/7Ke2R4TJauA

...and think it would be much better going uphill

(Where is it BTW?)

It says at the end but it's the end of Long Lane between Longford and Alkmonton in Derbyshire (it's part of my favourite 100km loop which takes in the full length of the Tissington Trail)

xscreamsuk

You've mistakenly used GT85 as deodorant , more than once, ........

ddraver

Ha hah! Seriously?!?

Twelly

....you are disappointed all of your mail doesn't contain Haribo.

cornerblock

the hotel that you go to every September always gives you the best and largest room on the ground floor, so you have enough space for you and the bike, oh and the wife. And the lovely lady on reception welcomes you as 'Hello Mister Bicycle'.