Cold callers...

pinno

Bl00dy annoying those cold callers. However, you can have some fun with them.

Last one that phoned I said (a la 'Priscilla, Queen of Desert' - Yellow Perils favourite film):

"Yoo wan hoo ? He no here no more, he gon away with another maaan, he had little ding-a-ling anyhow"

or

Have a rant in a foreign language...

We can build a list of cold caller responses, put the boot on the other foot and look forward to them.

snoopsmydogg

tell them no-ones home your just robbing the place

asking for their company name and registration number usually gets you cut off rather sharpish too

MattC59

My favourite is to just put the phone on the arm of the sofa and let them waffle on until they realise that no one is listening. The best I've managed is 2mins 48secs before I heard, "hello.... Hello?...... Click". That's quite a feat to waffle on for that time without giving the person you're talking 'at' the opportunity to speak !

john-e-big-guns

Just tell em to 'Fu** Off"...or keep a ref's whistle at the side of the phone..and give it a big blast...cos their bound to have one of those headphone/speak'ie things on so no escape..instant Tinatus

Flyingbogey

Just go along with it giving false pars, sound keen but don't over do it. When you get bored just say you've changed your mind. I used to pop litter in the pre paid envelopes when they were a menace. A mate gets them talking then starts offloading all his problems Samaritans style.

JackPozzi

Answer the phone panting, tell them you're in the middle of something, then ask if they'll talk dirty to you...

willhub

john-e-big-guns wrote:

Just tell em to 'Fu** Off"...or keep a ref's whistle at the side of the phone..and give it a big blast...cos their bound to have one of those headphone/speak'ie things on so no escape..instant Tinatus

We're told to expect this at some point, people actually call up telephone banking to blow a whistle down the phone. Scumbags.

ballysmate

When the last caller I had offered to help claim thousands in PPI charges, I told him I did indeed need help with a claim. I told him I had been bummed by Jimmy Savile and needed help to get compensation. He said he would remove my details from their database.

TheCornishMong

I found this delightfully amusing

Soni

A bloke I worked with a couple of years ago (right miserable fecker) received a call from a phone Salesman one night and he asked the Salesman for his home phone number, when the salesman asked him what he wanted his home telephone number for he said 'so I can disturb you when your trying to eat your fecking dinner!!'

Then another time he gets a phone call from a double glazing salesman trying to flog him a conservatory and he lets him go through his sales spill and sounds really interested and then he asks loads of questions and kept him on the phone for ages and when the salesman suggested a meeting one evening to discuss in more detail and asked him for his address he told him he lives at no.42 on the third floor of block of flats!!

bobs bikes

we get them at the shop all the time. our favourite replies are....... do you want to buy a bike?, no? well get off my phone because your stopping customers being happy!

one time a guy called us, saying he could half my gas bill.....after a lot of waffle and ignorance i told him to come round on sat. we dont do sat sir..... well, if you want a sale, come round sat afternoon.

a guy came round on sat especially and had driven 50 miles.....

salesguy > right, where is your gas meter?
me > we dont have gas.


they never rang back.

verylonglegs

Hmmn, having a good friend who once worked in a call centre because it was either that or throw themselves at the mercy of the benefits system I can safely say some posts on here aren't great reading. Do you really think the people calling and annoying you are doing it specifically because they want to? Just say no thanks and put the phone down unless you need to get off on being a cnut.

Ber Nard

Flyingbogey wrote:

I used to pop litter in the pre paid envelopes when they were a menace.

People do this to the company i work for. All that happens is we put it in the bin. The anonymous sender stays on the mailing list and gets the next mail shot we send out.

People who write "Take me off your mailing list" politely or not, on the catalogue and send it back to us get taken off the mailing list.

Rob

Fingerbobs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkdoogji ... ata_player

Old I know, but always makes me smile.

TheCornishMong

Got a call stating that they (can't remember what company) could offer me the cheapest deals on electricity. they asked what i was paying, to which I replied, "its free, I'm in the military." they still wouldn't give up...

wishitwasallflat

Soni wrote:

A bloke I worked with a couple of years ago (right miserable fecker) received a call from a phone Salesman one night and he asked the Salesman for his home phone number, when the salesman asked him what he wanted his home telephone number for he said 'so I can disturb you when your trying to eat your ******* dinner!!'

There's a classic epsiode of Seinfeld where Jerry does that.

Andysummers

Fingerbobs wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkdoogjic4I&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Old I know, but always makes me smile.

Quality

suze

friend of mine managed to arrange for a conservatory sales team to call after talking for several minutes. He then gave then his address ...the 3rd floor in a block of flats.

jordan_217

When I see 'Wihthheld' or 'International Unavailable' on the caller ID and encourage my 2 year old Son to answer. They soon hang up.

Garry H

suze wrote:

friend of mine managed to arrange for a conservatory sales team to call after talking for several minutes. He then gave then his address ...the 3rd floor in a block of flats.

Is this the same person that's also friends with Soni?

Phil Fouracre

verylonglegs, beat me to it, agree completely. At a guess it's a sh1t job, but a bit of common courtesy costs nothing

Velonutter

I have asked for my numbers to be removed under the telephone calling preference system, if companies ignore that then I'm always polite when they say they aren't ringing to sell me anything...I simply state "tell me what you want quickly" the phone is always put down within a second.

With regards to mail-shots, again I have requested my details to be removed, so all I do is with black felt pen colour out my address on the window envelope otherwise Royal mail just redeliver it, then right in big bold letters "Spam return to sender" mail soon dries up from the spammers.

dmclite-3.0

I try to be polite, they have a shite job but if they are persistent I start whispering "I love you" whilst they are talking. Un-nerves them a bit but some do laugh.