Cold Callers

Karlos69

How do you deal with them?
Being self employed I get calls on a regular basis trying to sell me advertising space, van insurance, telephone contracts, cheap building materials, search engine optimisation etc. etc.
Being polite to them doesn't work as they seem to have pre-set responses for whatever you try and counter them with. And so they go on and on trying to grind you down until you hand over some money.
However, I think I have cracked it...
Now, when they ring me out of the blue, introduce themselves and their company, then 'ask me how I am', I tell them "I have just found out that I have about 3 months left to live. 4 maximum".
I tried it out last night on a Talk Talk cold caller and it works a treat.

Any other suggestions? (and apologies in advance for anyone on here who is in fact facing imminent death).

alihisgreat

-Hang up
-Sexually harass them
-Quietly place the phone down and see how long it takes them to realise there isn't anyone listening
-Put them on 'hold' and play obnoxious music down the phone
-Sing a terrible song out of tune
-"lalalalalalalalalalala I can't hear you"
-Put your infant child on the phone
-Tell them you're sitting on the toilet with a nasty case of the runs (optional sound effects)
-Ask them a string of awkward personal questions
-Start talking about last nights popular soap opera episode
-Ask them to repeat everything after they say it
-Turn it round and try and convert them to a made up religious cult

The list is endless.

crescent

I usually manage to politely decline them. The ones that really annoy me though are the ones who launch into a spiel without taking a breath, obviously so you can't get a word in to tell them you're not interested. In these cases I pass them over to my dog. I did this a couple of days ago and the dog actually listened for about 10 seconds before getting bored and wandering off to continue licking her bits.

Inthe past I have registered with the Telephone Preference Service (TPS) and it does stop a lot of calls coming through. If they do come through and you tell them you are with TPS they usually humbly apologise and hang up, that in itself is quite satisfying.

Crapaud

I usually just hang up these days. In the past I've done most of what you guys have done, but I eventually got bored of it.

Lately, I've been getting a lot of personal injury fishing calls. Normally their spiel goes along the lines of, "Our database tells us that you, or someone in your family has had an accident in the last 10 months ...". I've been telling them that, yes, my wife was in an accident a while ago. You can almost hear the excitement on the other end of the phone. Then I tell them she died. At this point they hang up before I can tell them some made-up shite, like a giraffe fell on her.

It's always satisfying when I can get them to hang up.

Phil_D

Some of them can be quite helpful. For instance, just last week I got a call from Microsoft to tell me my computer was running slow. How they knew is beyond me, but I did as they said, logged on, watched them do a bit of jiggery pokery, and hey presto, they say it's fixed. All I'm saying is don't dismiss them out of hand too quick.

DorsetKnob

As soon as you can say 'Oh I'm really glad you phoned - can I order a 12" deep pan meat feast, garlic bread and a bottle of coke for delivery?. Either see how long you can keep up the pretence that they are PizzaHut, or they will put the phone down on you.

If they ask if you would be interested in saving money just say 'No - I'm absolutely minted, got more money than I know what to do with.' That generally does the trick.

capt_slog

Phil_D wrote:

Some of them can be quite helpful. For instance, just last week I got a call from Microsoft to tell me my computer was running slow. How they knew is beyond me, but I did as they said, logged on, watched them do a bit of jiggery pokery, and hey presto, they say it's fixed. All I'm saying is don't dismiss them out of hand too quick.

I hope this is a joke.



I usually pretend that I can't hear them because their line out is dead. Each time they begin to speak I shout "Hello?", eventually finishing with "if you don't say something I'm going to put the phone down".

Some past favourites have been...

"A new kitchen?, where am I going to put that? just how many kitchen do you think a house needs?"

"Replacement windows?, hold on I'll go and check" [put the phone to one side for 30 secs] "No, it's ok thanks, they're all still there"

"Gutterings and soffits? No thanks, this house is thatched....... I don't care what your records show, do you think I don't know what's on my own house?"

"Mea navis volitans anguillis plena est", repeated with ever more exasperation. It means 'my hovercraft is full of eels' in Latin. I used to have it written by the phone.

freddiegrubb

I reply, wok you wo & why yo boffer me, all said in the comic chinese voice . It doesn't work but makes me feel better.

Tom Butcher

I've started saying I'm busy right now give me a number and I'll call them back - they normally say it's a call centre and you can't ring in so then I ask for a home number or mobile. Either that or say I've just got something on the oven hold on a minute and then just leave the phone down for 5 minutes and hang up. I try not to be rude to them as it's only them doing a job.

Cleat Eastwood

When they say 'Have you had an accident recently' I say "Yes, In my pants"

de rien

Try this -

http://news.sky.com/story/1003497/victory-for-man-who-took-cold-caller-to-court

redvee

I've had the PPI cold calls and go through the motions with them and ask if I can claim twice as I've already done it, I haven't but it ends the call quite quickly.

Bunneh

I just hang up.

disgruntledgoat

I like the Seinfeld response

Oh gee, I can't talk right now, but why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later?

Oh I guess you don't want people calling you at home

Well, now you know how I feel!

Stevo_666

Crescent wrote:

Inthe past I have registered with the Telephone Preference Service (TPS) and it does stop a lot of calls coming through. If they do come through and you tell them you are with TPS they usually humbly apologise and hang up, that in itself is quite satisfying.

+1.

Seems to work quite well for us. There are a few that try to brazen it out by claiming it somehow doesn't apply to them for whatever reason, so I just take their details, tell them I'm reporting them to the TPS and hang up. One day I might get round to actually reporting them...

Cold calls are a good reason never to be involved in a car accident where insurers are involved - seem to be still getting these years after the event :evil:

graeme_s-2

Best cold caller gag ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OD70Zaa3z-0

jrduquemin1

Register with the Telephone Preference Service. They soon hang up when you tell them you've joined it.

graham.

Graeme_S wrote:

Best cold caller gag ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OD70Zaa3z-0

I was just listening to that when I had to switch it of because the 'phone was ringing...Someone banging on about PPI !

dynamicbrick

I'm in B2B sales, and did the cold calling thing way back at the start of my career. I imagine B2C is utterly sould destroying. Nonetheless, I take great delight in winding them up.

"Yeah, I'll just get him for you" then put the phone to one side and go back to what you were doing. 23 minutes is the longest I've had one sit there.

Le Commentateur

Bunneh wrote:

I just hang up.

This. Although it's a person calling, they aren't genuinely concerned for your well-being, they are just going through a pre-planned set of tactics to sell you something. Treat them like you would a robot, there's no need to be polite or abusive.

As HAL says in 2001: A Space Odyssey, "This conversation can serve no further purpose. Goodbye."

graeme_s-2

"I'm not interested thank you, good bye" and hang up before they have a chance to respond.

Polite, quick, job done. I'm not buying anything from a cold caller ever, so I kind of think I'm doing them a favour by getting off the line quickly and letting them try some other sucker who might part with some cash.

GiantMike

Ask them who they work for, make a note of it, tell them you have registered for TPS and that you want them to take your number off their calling list. If they call you again make a note of it and report it to TPS.

ben@31

Have incoming phone numbers displayed and if you don't recognise it. Don't answer the phone. If it was anything important they would leave an answerphone message. On my mobile phone, if you press a certain button, it temporary mutes the ringer for the duration of their call.

It always amazes me when people complain about cold callers, why answer them in the first place?

Escadrille Ecosse

Got called by the Labour Party before, asked them if they knew we had registered with TPS and the response was that it didn't apply because they weren't trying to sell me anything. To which i replied "that answer will be why you're in politics".

My Mum has the best story ever. Too polite to just hang up and not wanting to hurt the particular young man's feelings she starts up a conversation, which leads to her asking if he liked his job and ultimately discussing further education and career options for him (she used to be a teacher).