Cruddy Jokes thread

cat_with_no_tail
cat_with_no_tail Posts: 12,980
edited February 2013 in The Crudcatcher
As the one from the Hub was deleted (presumably because people forgot where they were), I think we should start one in here.

I'll go first because I just heard this one at work:



So back in the day I was out driving with Dean Martin when all of a sudden someone threw an eel at us from the side of the road.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" I said.

"That's a moray" he replied.
"Avan-TT"
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Comments

  • cat_with_no_tail
    cat_with_no_tail Posts: 12,980
    A problem shared is a problem halved.

    Apparently not when it's AIDS though.
    "Avan-TT"
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  • pilch
    pilch Posts: 1,136
    I killed the Wife, dumped her body but kept her Minge.

    My new lass has no idea when I say I'm going upstairs to play with the ex box...
    A berm? were you expecting one?

    29er race

    29er bouncer
  • cat_with_no_tail
    cat_with_no_tail Posts: 12,980
    MaccyDs are releasing a new sandwich, the McSaville. It's 80yr old meat between 13yr old buns.

    Jimmy Saville was a big fan of jewellery though, he loved nothing more than squeezing his fingers into nice tight rings.

    I ran into Rolf Harris in Tesco the other day. The wife didn't know who he was, I said "he did 2 little boys back in the 70s".
    "Fukoff she replied, that was Jimmy Saville"

    Seriously though, I'm getting sick of all the allegations coming off this whole Saville scandal now, it's now apparently emerged that Jeremy Beadle might have had a small hand in it.
    "Avan-TT"
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  • cat_with_no_tail
    cat_with_no_tail Posts: 12,980
    What's blue and farks old ladies?





















    Me in my special blue suit
    "Avan-TT"
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  • sandy hill
    sandy hill Posts: 390
    I wish people would leave Jimmy Savile alone. When I was little he made my dream come true to visit a farm. How many littel lads do you know that have got to milk a cow blindfolded?
    This is a block of text that can be added to posts you make. There is a 255 character limit.
  • DanDax1990
    DanDax1990 Posts: 1,201
    It was my tenth birthday, I rushed down the stairs to open my presents and I was amazed to see Jimmy Saville and Gary Glitter sitting there. I now regret asking for a pair of Predators.

    Chelsea FC have urged all of their fans to stand up to racism at their next home game... Good idea, It's impossible to do a good monkey impression whilst sat down.

    What does Jimmy Saville and Acne have in common? They both come on 14 year olds faces.

    I'm never quite sure what technique to use whilst having a wank... So I use a bop-it to give me commands.
    My upgraded Voodoo Bokor

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  • jairaj
    jairaj Posts: 3,009
    I'm not sure what's funnier the jokes or the "smart" advert banner which thinks I might be interested in nappies due to the child content of this thread :lol:
  • pilch
    pilch Posts: 1,136
    Eric Clapton was on BBC 6 Music saying how Jimmy savilles career took off back in 1967 when backstage at Top Of The Pops.... he introduced Cream to the Small Faces.

    Tony Blackburn was invited to a pool party. When he turned up he had Jimmy Saville and Gary Glitter with him. The party thrower said, "You deaf twat, I said, 'bring a pair of Speedos"
    A berm? were you expecting one?

    29er race

    29er bouncer
  • pesky_jones
    pesky_jones Posts: 2,890
    Due to recent events, jimmy savilles gravestone and the flowers surrounding it have been removed.

    All that remains is a small hole with no bush. Just what he would of wanted.
  • YeehaaMcgee
    YeehaaMcgee Posts: 5,740
    Another person is now being investigated in connection with the BBC scandal.
    It turns out that there's several eyewitness reports of Rod Hull fisting a young coloured bird.
    My photos
  • sniper68
    sniper68 Posts: 2,910
    The BBC scandal rumbles on.Now Morph has been arrested.It seems he's suspected of being a Playdohphile.
    Lynskey R480

  • Gazlar
    Gazlar Posts: 8,083
    Freddie Starr is the new face of Bells whiskey after they found out he was a big fan of a cheeky little 8 year old, especially if it was mixed up with coke
    Mountain biking is like sex.......more fun when someone else is getting hurt
    Amy
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  • Gazlar
    Gazlar Posts: 8,083
    After witness statements saying that he took Viagra, Lance Armstrong has been stripped of his title of "Sheryl Crow's former lover"

    Lance Armstrong is also facing being sued over the Libel cases he won when the media accused him of being a drugs cheat. It is believed he is trying to come to a multi million pound settlement out of court, paid for by his Boots Advantage card points earned between 1999 and 2005
    Mountain biking is like sex.......more fun when someone else is getting hurt
    Amy
    Farnsworth
    Zapp
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,793
    They're selling Jimmy Savile replica tracksuits in JJB sports. You get an adult top with stripes and everything, but you have to squeeze into kids' bottoms.
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • FocusZing
    FocusZing Posts: 4,373
    Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods, Oscar Pistorius.

    tumblr_lt5yph824X1qifhy1.gif

    Don't Do It.
  • projectsome
    projectsome Posts: 4,010
    1000x500px-LL-9cd17c67_holy20thread20resurrection.jpg
    FARKBOOK TWATTER Happiness is my fucking mood!
  • mak3m
    mak3m Posts: 1,394
    now the thread is more mature the scandal has spread to ITV

    Kevin webster is putting a brave face on it though, just the other day i passed his garage and saw him under a 14 year old escort.

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