The funny thing about kids .....
nicklouse
Posts: 50,675
For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.
For those who have children at this age - this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
"Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"
1. A king size waterbed holds about enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house 4
inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with
roller skates / blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a large room.
5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the
ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a
ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too
late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year
old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk
on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and very
expensive to remove.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like
ovens.
20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amassing thing.
True story: One day the infant school teacher was reading the story of the
Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She
read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw
and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my
house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man
said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy xxxxx! A
talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.
For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.
For those who have children at this age - this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
"Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"
1. A king size waterbed holds about enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house 4
inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with
roller skates / blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a large room.
5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the
ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a
ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too
late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year
old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk
on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and very
expensive to remove.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like
ovens.
20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amassing thing.
True story: One day the infant school teacher was reading the story of the
Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She
read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw
and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my
house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man
said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy xxxxx! A
talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.
"Do not follow where the path may lead, Go instead where there is no path, and Leave a Trail."
Parktools :?:SheldonBrown
Parktools :?:SheldonBrown
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Comments
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i was thinking, do i have any left? :?nicklouse wrote:25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.
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^ This.A Flock of Birds
+ some other bikes.0 -
I like that.
Thankfully my kids have passed that age, relatively unscathed. But a whole new set of worries take their place.0 -
Right, I'm off to the garage with some bleach, back soon
Also- if your kid has access to both bleach and brake fluid, it's probably just as well they didn't do anything more deadly than just mix the 2.Uncompromising extremist0 -
Update: Disappointment.
The brake fluid sank to the bottom of the glass and seemed to sort of coagulate, but didn't mix properly with the bleach, and did not produce any smoke or even heat.
Perhaps DOT4 would be better.Uncompromising extremist0 -
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Our VCR has had sausages stuffed in it.
Yep, still got one.Papa? Nicole0 -
10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
4-year old.
Actually spent several days in hospital with my youngest because of this.2011 Canyon Nerve AM 5.0
2009 Specialized Rockhopper Disc
I might have alzheimer's but atleast I don't have alzheimer's0 -
This is a block of text that can be added to posts you make. There is a 255 character limit.0
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That parent needs to think about child safety a bit more - allowing your young children access to brake fluid, bleach, the petrol tank of your car, the pool unsupervised, the oven, the washing machine? Even in the somewhat less health and safety oriented 70's my parents locked stuff away, put it on a high shelf or whatever.
I guess there is an element of Darwinism in allowing kids to do whatever they want though!Closet jockey wheel pimp whore.0 -
paul.skibum wrote:That parent needs to think about child safety a bit more - allowing your young children access to brake fluid, bleach, the petrol tank of your car, the pool unsupervised, the oven, the washing machine? Even in the somewhat less health and safety oriented 70's my parents locked stuff away, put it on a high shelf or whatever.
I guess there is an element of Darwinism in allowing kids to do whatever they want though!
You missed the key point:The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas0 -
Made up sh1t on the internet is made up.I don't do smileys.
There is no secret ingredient - Kung Fu Panda
London Calling on Facebook
Parktools0 -
paul.skibum wrote:That parent needs to think about child safety a bit more - allowing your young children access to brake fluid, bleach, the petrol tank of your car, the pool unsupervised, the oven, the washing machine? Even in the somewhat less health and safety oriented 70's my parents locked stuff away, put it on a high shelf or whatever.
I guess there is an element of Darwinism in allowing kids to do whatever they want though!
You're not from round here are you.This is a block of text that can be added to posts you make. There is a 255 character limit.0 -
Northwind wrote:Update: Disappointment.
The brake fluid sank to the bottom of the glass and seemed to sort of coagulate, but didn't mix properly with the bleach, and did not produce any smoke or even heat.
Perhaps DOT4 would be better.
Use granulated swimming pool cleaner rather than liquid bleach.This is a block of text that can be added to posts you make. There is a 255 character limit.0 -
A chlorine bomb in other words. Take a deep breath and you can relive the trenches of WW1. Shortly before you die.I don't do smileys.
There is no secret ingredient - Kung Fu Panda
London Calling on Facebook
Parktools0 -
sandy hill wrote:Northwind wrote:Update: Disappointment.
The brake fluid sank to the bottom of the glass and seemed to sort of coagulate, but didn't mix properly with the bleach, and did not produce any smoke or even heat.
Perhaps DOT4 would be better.
Use granulated swimming pool cleaner rather than liquid bleach.
Well, thats another watchlist we've just been added to. Thanks for that.0 -
Cat With No Tail wrote:sandy hill wrote:Northwind wrote:Update: Disappointment.
The brake fluid sank to the bottom of the glass and seemed to sort of coagulate, but didn't mix properly with the bleach, and did not produce any smoke or even heat.
Perhaps DOT4 would be better.
Use granulated swimming pool cleaner rather than liquid bleach.
Well, thats another watchlist we've just been added to. Thanks for that.
I'm safe, I appear to have run out of swimming pool cleaner or brake fluid for a 1937 Rolls Royce, must send the help out to stock up0 -
I had a bit of lego stuck in my nose for 4 years when i was a little un.
it was a space lego coloured light so i t had a hole at both ends so i could still breathe..... docs apparantley said just to leave it :roll: and it "should come out"...... it did come out.... in the middle of a classroom when i was trying to make my ears pop by blowing out my nose when pinching it..... didnt like the feeling of the pressure build up so let go of the old nostrils..... and lo and behold........ a big solid snotter came shooting out and hit the desk..... and after a careful biopsy of it.... i found the light inside it....
my mum for some reason confiscated it and wouldnt let us use it again.... weirdIt's a boy , It's a boy , I Shouted Running Into The Street With Tears Running Down My Face.....
That's The Last Time I Holiday In Thailand
URL Pinkbike0 -
I have taken your advice and moved the washing machine, dishwasher and oven onto a high shelf.paul.skibum wrote:That parent needs to think about child safety a bit more - allowing your young children access to brake fluid, bleach, the petrol tank of your car, the pool unsupervised, the oven, the washing machine? Even in the somewhat less health and safety oriented 70's my parents locked stuff away, put it on a high shelf or whatever.
I guess there is an element of Darwinism in allowing kids to do whatever they want though!You only need two tools: WD40 and Duck Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the tape.0 -
My nipper is mad keen on spiderman and is convinced that one day he'll become said superhero.
In the meantime he came and asked me to put sellotape onto his fingers so he could climb the walls, I explained to him it wasn't going to work but he was having none of it so I relented and taped him up, sure enough a minute or so later there was 10 pieces of sellotape stuck to the living room door.
I thought that was the end of it until I realized he'd gone very quiet and had sloped off upstairs.
The missus went to check on him and walked in just as he was about to climb his bedroom walls with hands that he'd covered in his craft glue!
He's persistent, I'll give him that! Trek Fuel EX8 Rootbeer, mmm beer!0 -
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Was it craft glue or was he just back from appearing on Jim'll fix it?0
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Gazlar wrote:Was it craft glue or was he just back from appearing on Jim'll fix it?
Post of the day! How would I write my own epitaph? With a crayon - I'm not allowed anything I can sharpen to a sustainable point.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed herein are worth exactly what you paid for them.0 -
