Any 'Stay at Home' Dads on here?

tailwindhome

So MrsTWH returned to work after the career break and we now face the daily juggling of two careers and 4 kids.

Without going into the details I'm considering handing in my notice and taking on the 'stay at home' role

Anyone on here done that?

Would you consider it?

dhope

First the snip, then stopping providing. Whatever will DDD think.

Not that I'm in a position to consider it, but I think I'd happily think about not working if circumstances and finances added up.

the_fuggler

Mrs F has just gone back post-maternity leave and we're having a pretty stressful time with two jobs and two kids (no idea how you manage with four!). I'd quite happily take on the domestic role until the boys go to primary school, but the logistics are probably even tougher than the current arrangements so it's not going to happen.

rjsterry

Would have considered it if the finances stacked up, but the way they were, we'd have been daft to do it that way.

msmancunia

There's quite a few women here at the Beeb who have stay at home husbands - seems to work out fine for them mainly, as long as the finances worked. One gets upset when she doesn't get to go to things like school assemblies and things though.

Have friends in Yorkshire who tried things a different way - they have three children aged 10, 8 and 4. She was a v part time optician, and he did the online banking thing for a building society. He got made redundant, and got an (albeit) small pay off.

She increased her hours at work to do around 28hrs per week, and he got a couple of very part time jobs - one as a barista for a couple of half days, and one teaching drums after school for the couple of days when she had to work. They decided to streamline their life a little, went down to one car and a bike, cut out the childcare costs almost completely because there was usually one of them home for things like school runs etc, and are a lot more chilled out, and happier. And they gave me their old car for virtually nothing.

Not saying you should go and work in a coffee shop, or teach drums, but maybe bikeability instructor, or do a fettling course or something to get a few hours in?

fossyant

We did it the 'traditional way' - I was the higher earner so my wife quit work for a few years then went back 9-30 till 2.30 when the kids started school - we cut out the child care costs as we worked it out my wife would have been working full time for nothing after costs were taken into account. She still only works 4 days 9.30 till 2:30.

If you can manage it Financially, then do it. Can't imagine ever being able to 'manage' with both parent's 'full time'.

greg66_tri_v2.0

TailWindHome wrote:

So MrsTWH returned to work after the career break and we now face the daily juggling of two careers and 4 kids.

Without going into the details I'm considering handing in my notice and taking on the 'stay at home' role

Anyone on here done that?

Would you consider it?

Not really.

I wouldn't be able to squeeze into my wife's clothes, for one thing.

tailwindhome

Greg66 wrote:

TailWindHome wrote:

So MrsTWH returned to work after the career break and we now face the daily juggling of two careers and 4 kids.

Without going into the details I'm considering handing in my notice and taking on the 'stay at home' role

Anyone on here done that?

Would you consider it?

Not really.

I wouldn't be able to squeeze into my wife's clothes, for one thing.

Try cutting back on the carbs.

jimothy78

I do it (part-time at least).

Both me and Mrs Jim work four days a week, and stay home to look after our little girl on our own 2 days (Sundays we're both at home and on the days we both work my Mother-in-Law looks after her). So anyway, I do Mondays and Wednesdays with Izzy and we have a great time, but doing it full time I think I'd run out of patience and also interesting things to do with her.

I know not everyone has the chance to do what we do, but I think it's really working well for our daughter - she gets two days with each of three different people, so ends up having a huge range of experiences and activities. We all have fun and no-one has to do it all-day everyday, which I think would drain anyone's enthusiasm.

Yukirin

I did for just under a year when my first was a year old. My mother in law got to sick (long term illness) to look after him whilst we were both at work, and as I was on the lower salary I stayed home and worked 2 days a week on Mrs y's days off. Down side was we never got to see each other. Plus side was an incredible bond the little one and I had. I loved the routine, getting out to the park, even the housework was better than employment because your working for your family. We swapped back when Mrs y became pregnant with #2. I'd do it again

PBo

Don't do it.

There are two drastic side effects:

1) you know the names of all the tellietubbies/night garden songs/nina's neurons etc.
2) you can price up just about any antique or value any property

Mind, things improve once they get to school age. Cbbc is ace. Horrible histories should be on BBC 1 prime time...

PBo

More seriously:

It's a mixed bag. Love the quality time with my son, but also find his demands exhausting. (Strangely, it might be easier if there were siblings, as they do entertain each other).
Also, really miss other adult company. Both office banter and more intellectual conversation.

Another thing is most of the other parents you will become friends with at the school gate are mothers, not fathers, and whilst I am good friends with one of them, and we spend time together with the kids, when its a bigger group of mums I don't feel quite as integrated.

Then again, my situation was circumstance, not choice. If it was choice, I might have enjoyed half and half, not full time.

Also, I hate housework...

One final thought. I think my wife struggles with the role reversal, in the way that Sam will "choose" me over her to do things with/for him.

Agent57

PBo wrote:

Cbbc is ace

\o/

DonDaddyD

Cbeebies is awesome. Waybaloo is the bomb. Baby Jake is cute (sometimes I sing it on the commute). Not sue about the current stock of programmes, that one guy on like 6 different shows is annoying, but the "I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna beat the clock before the chime" song is infectious!

In any case keeping a home is easy, my Mum put me to work when I was younger, hoovering, laundry, washing dishes, cleaning the skirting board... been there done that, its now just part of the cleaning routine. If you use things put it back.

I could be a stay at home Dad. YES it is harder when you have a baby, but I'd much rather that than having to go work everyday. I also like to cook dinners as well.

Only reason I don't is financial and I do question what impression it would give my son to see his Dad not earn his corn in a job. AND before you grumble bums pounce upon me and no matter how much you snipped and whipped new man types try to say otherwise, we still live in a society where men are mostly expected to go out to work and keep home. With all this 'no black male role models', 'absent father the lost and disinfranchised inner city youth', I fear that seeing me stay at home and play Gears of War 3 (and soon to be a 4) all day may be detrimental to my child. This however wouldn't necessarily apply to the OP.

rjsterry

DonDaddyD wrote:

I fear that seeing me stay at home and play Gears of War 3 (and soon to be a 4) all day may be detrimental to my child.

You think?

Seeing you bring him (and maybe a sibling) up would be no more detrimental than seeing his mum do the same.

EKE_38BPM

DonDaddyD wrote:

Cbeebies is awesome. Waybaloo is the bomb. Baby Jake is cute (sometimes I sing it on the commute). Not sue about the current stock of programmes, that one guy on like 6 different shows is annoying, but the "I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna beat the clock before the chime" song is infectious!

In any case keeping a home is easy, my Mum put me to work when I was younger, hoovering, laundry, washing dishes, cleaning the skirting board... been there done that, its now just part of the cleaning routine. If you use things put it back.

I could be a stay at home Dad. YES it is harder when you have a baby, but I'd much rather that than having to go work everyday. I also like to cook dinners as well.

Only reason I don't is financial and I do question what impression it would give my son to see his Dad not earn his corn in a job. AND before you grumble bums pounce upon me and no matter how much you snipped and whipped new man types try to say otherwise, we still live in a society where men are mostly expected to go out to work and keep home. With all this 'no black male role models', 'absent father the lost and disinfranchised inner city youth', I fear that seeing me stay at home and play Gears of War 3 (and soon to be a 4) all day may be detrimental to my child. This however wouldn't necessarily apply to the OP.

If you're playing computer games/watching TV all day then you can't be doing a good job as a parent.
I don't think little kids equate a parent being away all day with having food to eat etc, so at that age being a good role model is more to do with the kid being fed, dressed, talked to, taught the basics (colours, counting, spelling their name etc) and being entertained. Some kids are being sent to primary school without being potty trained. That is bad parenting, right there.
My sister has been a childminder for over twenty years and every single one of her kids knew how to spell their name, the colours of the rainbow, how to count to ten, proper pleases and thankyous etc. Every parent, regardless of stay at home or not, should have their kids at the same stage.
Being a good role model, (black, white, red, brown, purple or yellow) is nothing to do with going to work or staying at home, to me, its about having high standards and doing the right thing.

Being a stay at home parent isn't just about being at home, I see it as at least as much work as going out to earn a crust.

cyclingprop

DonDaddyD wrote:

With all this 'no black male role models', 'absent father the lost and disinfranchised inner city youth', I fear that seeing me stay at home and play Gears of War 3 (and soon to be a 4) all day may be detrimental to my child.

Don't know what you're saying, Samuel L Jackson and Dizzee Rascal are AWESOME role models.

EKE_38BPM

cyclingprop wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

With all this 'no black male role models', 'absent father the lost and disinfranchised inner city youth', I fear that seeing me stay at home and play Gears of War 3 (and soon to be a 4) all day may be detrimental to my child.

Don't know what you're saying, Samuel L Jackson and Dizzee Rascal are AWESOME role models.

Too true. SLJ can quote passages from the bible and Dizzee sings emotional songs about mental illness.

veronese68

We discussed it as the EPO was earning more per hour than I was. We wound up with her working part time as she wanted to be with the kids. I wouldn't have minded either way. I probably would have taken on odd jobs and bits of fettling to supplement the household income.
Whilst kids TV is very good and can be useful some people do rely on it far too much. One guy here put a TV in the baby's room and used to leave the TV on to lull him to sleep. Call me old fashioned, but WTF?

navt

Done it on and off over the years; flexible working that it. Needless to say, OH earned significantly more. I would leave work early to collect kids from school and prepare dinner. Hard work at the best of times. Don't envy anyone who has to do it. In fact, hat's off to them. I wised up and told the OH to get a nanny!

rjsterry

EKE_38BPM wrote:

cyclingprop wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

With all this 'no black male role models', 'absent father the lost and disinfranchised inner city youth', I fear that seeing me stay at home and play Gears of War 3 (and soon to be a 4) all day may be detrimental to my child.

Don't know what you're saying, Samuel L Jackson and Dizzee Rascal are AWESOME role models.

Too true. SLJ can misquote passages from the bible and Dizzee sings emotional songs about mental illness.

FTFY.

vermin

'Any 'Stay at Home Dads' on here?' ???

Am missing something here? This is the Commuting forum, isn't it?

Anyway, I like the idea, bit doubt I'd like the reality. I'd miss the chance for a nice rest at the office too much.

PBo

vermin wrote:

'Any 'Stay at Home Dads' on here?' ???

Am missing something here? This is the Commuting forum, isn't it?

Anyway, I like the idea, bit doubt I'd like the reality. I'd miss the chance to post on Bike radar all day at the office too much.

FTFY

SimonAH

Couldn't afford to have either of us at home last time for very long. This time there's rather a lot more cash coming in so MrsAH can stay at home for a while (planning on a year, any longer than that then her career will be irretrievable). Gawd knows how things are going to pan out longer term though, last time we had aged P's within a sensible distance for child wrangling duties - this time no such luxury.

secretsam

Interesting

I am such a Dad, made redundant from job (surprisingly) in May, tried setting up own firm but not been a roaring success. Therefore Mrs SS has taken up the slack, and I'm doing the kids thing.

Frankly, having never looked after the kids full time on my own - other than the odd day at weekends (we have 7 year old twins), it's exhausting. They've just started Junior school and that brings its own challenges, new school, homework, etc.

Mrs SS not that happy working near full time and money's not working out, so I may jack it in and get a job. I have limited patience and a bl--dy awful temper, so not the ideal caring parent, if I'm honest. And I f'kin' hate housework.

tailwindhome

The awkward moment when HR accept your notice.

"We thought you'd change your mind"


Daddy Day Care opens 01/01/2013

Greg T

Greg66 Tri v2.0 wrote:

I wouldn't be able to squeeze into my wife's clothes, for one thing.

I get into her knickers without a problem

rolacola

I tend to look after the kids more than my OH, I work shifts, 2 days and then 2 nights, My OH work is flexible, so she fits in her work when im on day shifts. So im on daddy daycare around 4 days a week.
And cbeebies is just worth watching for Katy from I can cook.

chadders81

I can't work from home without indulging in repeated onanism. Is this a problem for you lot?