Imaginary Rants!

p9uma

Inspired by the bored cyclist thread, and a couple of comments made therin about humming and singing tunes whilst riding. Does anyone have imaginary rants or arguments?

I find myself doing this from time to time, a minor perceived infraction by a car/van/lorry driver, or an invasion of my space as I perceive it whilst out riding can send me off on an imaginary row, or set too, and even fisticuffs with said driver after they have long gone. I find myself partaking in a row and argument with people that don't even know or care I exist just because they drove past me a bit close. I have to stop myself from doing it, and go back to humming tunes.

Am I going mad?

Flexisurfer

I don't do it so much on the bike, but when I kitesurf I often can't get the last song on the car radio out of my head when I'm out on the water a little bit like an ear worm, I think that's what they're called.

butcher of bakersfield

You may well be going mad, but I can confirm you're not the only one

Some days I'm an assassin, trained by real ninjas in Japan. Quick blow of a dart and they die a slow, painful death

hipshot

Interesting. No you're not going mad. It's the hightened awareness of potential conflict that makes the brain want to figure out what to do in a hypothetical situation.

I do it after a particularly careless or aggressive driver goes past.

crescent

All sounds perfectly normal to me, just one of the ways in which the brain amuses itself I think. Even when not riding my bike, I often imagine a conversation taking place between myself and other people.
As Jeremy Clarkson once said, "Show me a man who's talking to himself and I'll show you a man who is at peace with the world".
As long as you aren't hearing voices telling you to "do" things then I think you're OK

p9uma

butcher of bakersfield wrote:

You may well be going mad, but I can confirm you're not the only one

Some days I'm an assassin, trained by real ninjas in Japan. Quick blow of a dart and they die a slow, painful death

Good one! I'm going to borrow that scenario!

hipshot wrote:

Interesting. No you're not going mad. It's the hightened awareness of potential conflict that makes the brain want to figure out what to do in a hypothetical situation.

I do it after a particularly careless or aggressive driver goes past.

Hmm, I like this, I shall cancel my shrink appointment.

p9uma

Crescent wrote:

All sounds perfectly normal to me, just one of the ways in which the brain amuses itself I think. Even when not riding my bike, I often imagine a conversation taking place between myself and other people.
As Jeremy Clarkson once said, "Show me a man who's talking to himself and I'll show you a man who is at peace with the world".
As long as you aren't hearing voices telling you to "do" things then I think you're OK

Jeremy Clarkson - the voice of reason and common sense, I feel at peace now.

Mikey23

Oh yes, I'm often having imaginary rants, conversations or other scenarios going on in my head when I'm out running or riding. The embarrassing thing is when I realise I've also been talking to myself out loud

deadfall

I have imaginary rants too. The other day, after a particularly stressful day at work, I was coming up to a pelican crossing where the lights were red, so I slowed right down to a crawl. The lights had been flashing orange for a bit and the crossing was clear when I reached it and not wanting to unclip I sped up a bit and kept going. The light probably went green as soon as I couldn't see it. A driver on the other side beeped his horn at me and started shouting through the window. For the next 10 minutes, inside my head, he was having "Flashing orange means proceed with caution" tattooed into his eyeballs.

Then a mini nearly clipped me whilst overtaking me when I was passing a traffic island. That mini driver ended up hanging, skinless in the basement (I live in a flat and don't have a basement) begging to be put out of their misery.

It only happens in towns when I'm going slow and the traffic is busy though, going fast in the country I'm a lot more chilled.

Wunnunda

I think we all turn into our dads in this matter - I certainly am!

It's actually OK until you reach the "I said that out loud, didn't I ?" stage. Not good really....

dodger421

I quite often have little rants when I'm out running or cycling. Worryingly I also have little conversations when I'm climbing, to the bemusement of my second who thinks I'm talking to them...

p9uma

deadfall wrote:

I have imaginary rants too. The other day, after a particularly stressful day at work, I was coming up to a pelican crossing where the lights were red, so I slowed right down to a crawl. The lights had been flashing orange for a bit and the crossing was clear when I reached it and not wanting to unclip I sped up a bit and kept going. The light probably went green as soon as I couldn't see it. A driver on the other side beeped his horn at me and started shouting through the window. For the next 10 minutes, inside my head, he was having "Flashing orange means proceed with caution" tattooed into his eyeballs.

Then a mini nearly clipped me whilst overtaking me when I was passing a traffic island. That mini driver ended up hanging, skinless in the basement (I live in a flat and don't have a basement) begging to be put out of their misery.

It only happens in towns when I'm going slow and the traffic is busy though, going fast in the country I'm a lot more chilled.

This post has made me smile. Thank you.

Reane_Machine

I do this every commute.

It actually helps me wind down and focus on the way home if I can visualise riding over the van driver who just cut me up on a junction's head over and over.

And so on and so forth. It's kind of ironic that such violent thoughts can bring such stress relief...

It's very rare I can't think of something that happened on the ride to complain to the Mrs about when I get home, why not have fun inventing scnerios?

dw300

It's important to visualise these things so that when they actually happen you don't need to think about them, you just go into auto-psychopath.

p9uma

dw300 wrote:

It's important to visualise these things so that when they actually happen you don't need to think about them, you just go into auto-psychopath.

Good point, well made. You are truly wise beyond your years.

Bunneh

Been doing it all my life, really. I imagine arguments with people I know, or don't know, and how I'd go about taking them down with a sniper rifle from half a mile away. (that's a joke btw)

I have been known to have arguments with people in my head, I suspect it's quite common and nothing to be worried about. Out of interest do you get a buzz, either negative or positive, from the 'drama' it creates?

BowtomePhil

Same here, but I work in London and pedestrians, bus drivers and even cyclists are nutters. I tend to speak before I think at my age, especially idiots who think it is okay to cut in front of me, I stand on their heals, hard not to when my foot is in mid air as they cross me, I always say idiot out loud.

But when cycling, I have beat so many people up in my head.

I had one guy chase me in his car once cause he didn't like my signalling(I was in my car with the wife). He was hanging out of his windows swearing, jesticulating etc. It was a one way street and cars either side. So I stopped and got out and went to speak with him, he suddenly turned into aplogetic bumbling idiot. One rule I live by, be careful who you upset.

Mikey23

And I have an imaginary zapper gun both on my handlebars and on my dashboard. Very satisfying to exterminate those who deserve it

PlymouthSam

Not so much cycling but swimming and running most definitely. That being said when we move and my daily commute doubles il have plenty of time to put the world to rights

Kinky Afro

The one thing that really makes me rant is cars stopping at traffic lights in the green cycle boxes. Are they BLIND?? Did they just buy a four wheeled camouflaged Trek with a motor ???? They are at the front of the queue for the lights - how much more time can be saved with those extra FOUR FEET YOU'VE JUST CLAIMED?!?!?!?! GRRRRR BLITHERBLITHER GRRRRR AAAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!......................

Ahem.... Yes, I think you may not be on your own......

maxima

this is problem of any cyclical sport. cycling, running, swimming. and it is not good (whatever others might say). but you will have to live with it as the next step would be cyclothimia and then bipolar. most of people however do not fall that far.. so just try not to kill anyone until you are old enough so you can afford quiet life away from stress

Reane_Machine

Kinky Afro wrote:

The one thing that really makes me rant is cars stopping at traffic lights in the green cycle boxes. Are they BLIND?? Did they just buy a four wheeled camouflaged Trek with a motor ???? They are at the front of the queue for the lights - how much more time can be saved with those extra FOUR FEET YOU'VE JUST CLAIMED?!?!?!?! GRRRRR BLITHERBLITHER GRRRRR AAAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!......................

Ahem.... Yes, I think you may not be on your own......

What I like about THOSE people is that they don't understand the pressure pad of the lights is behind the cyclists zone. So they lose out even more.

I will admit that I do get a little buzz out of visualising arguments. This is good for two reasons -
1) It provides a much-needed energy boost
2) It provides a distraction to the hill (when climbing) so it doesn't seem as difficult.

Of course it's also quite bad for myriad other reasons.

Joeblack

Reane_Machine wrote:

Kinky Afro wrote:

The one thing that really makes me rant is cars stopping at traffic lights in the green cycle boxes. Are they BLIND?? Did they just buy a four wheeled camouflaged Trek with a motor ???? They are at the front of the queue for the lights - how much more time can be saved with those extra FOUR FEET YOU'VE JUST CLAIMED?!?!?!?! GRRRRR BLITHERBLITHER GRRRRR AAAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!......................

Ahem.... Yes, I think you may not be on your own......

What I like about THOSE people is that they don't understand the pressure pad of the lights is behind the cyclists zone. So they lose out even more.

I will admit that I do get a little buzz out of visualising arguments. This is good for two reasons -
1) It provides a much-needed energy boost
2) It provides a distraction to the hill (when climbing) so it doesn't seem as difficult.

Of course it's also quite bad for myriad other reasons.

There is no pressure pad in the ground at traffic lights!!

There is a electronic loop the detecs the car when approaching and alerts the computer in the lights. So as long as the car passes over that area it will trigger the lights.

Reane_Machine

I was under the impression some did?

I always thought that's what that 'V' shape in the ground was?

That takes some of the sting out of my fury.

CambsNewbie

I have an imaginary baseball bat in my car. Manys the time I have in my mind followed someone home who cut me up, didn't filter properly, or any other action I feel has wronged or slighted me! I follow them home, get the bat out of my car and beat them to within an inch of their lives whilst pointing out their crime against me.

I do wonder if I need some kind of help..

Reane_Machine

I'd give you a hand if that's the kind of help you mean

Experienced a pet hate today (as I do many days!) of pedestrians pushing the button at the crossing when i'm the only vehicle in site.

Annoying when descending, irritating on flat but downright incensing when mashing uphill. I don't get it, I'm the only one on the road, it's clear except for a blowing cyclist about 20metres away.

I think they're just sadists who want to see me suffer.

if they're not careful I will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and mow the next one down.

In my head of course....