Forum home Mountain biking forum The Crudcatcher

Emails from assholes....

AbraAbra Posts: 338
edited August 2012 in The Crudcatcher
Just found this beauty on http://dontevenreply.com/all.php

Original ad:
Wanted - CHILDRENS DVDS
Movies wanted for children aged 5 and up - will take all unwanted DVDs!

From Me to *********@**********.org:

Hey there!

I'm trying to get rid of a bunch of movies I've had since I was a kid. The movie stores won't take them, and it would be a shame for me to just throw them out. I'd love to pass them on to people who can enjoy them. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Mike - Which movies do you have and how much do you want for them?

From Me to Julia ******:

Julia,

Here is the full list:

Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alladin
Backdoor Creampies 2
Beauty and the Beast
Big Black Threesome
Fantasia
Finally 18 and Legal
The Lion King
Mattress Slaves 3
The Mighty Ducks
Toy Story
Wet Squirters 5

Please let me know which ones you want.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Mike...some of those titles are inappropriate.

From Me to Julia ******:

Julia,

Which titles are inappropriate?

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

I think you know which ones...

From Me to Julia ******:

Are you talking about Fantasia? I know, I thought it was a Vietnam war movie too. I assure you it has nothing to do with Asia and is completely appropriate for children. The only other title I think you are referring to as inappropriate is The Lion King, but I think you are confusing that with "The Scorpion King," the violent movie starring Dwayne Johnson. While the Lion King does have adult themes, it is nothing like The Scorpion King.

I hope this clears things up.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

No...explain to me how these movies are for children??? Backdoor Creampies, Big Black Threesome, Finally 18 and Legal, Mattress Slaves 3, Wet Squirters 5. It sounds to me like you are trying to throw out your porn collection.

From Me to Julia ******:

Pornography? What a disgusting accusation! What kind of a person do you think I am? You have a really perverted mind if you think those movies are adult films.

You've really never heard of those movies? Where was your childhood? I'll find the plot summaries for you.

Backdoor Creampies - Cindy, a little girl with big ambitions, decides to open a bakery in her parents kitchen - selling pies to children who come to her backyard. Cindy learns that running a business isn't all fun and games in this hilarious tale of entrepreneurship.

Big Black Threesome - Barry, Billy and Bernie are three lovable black bears who have zany adventures during their quest for honey.

Finally 18 and Legal - A coming of age story about a young girl who becomes an independent woman.

Mattress Slaves 3 - Part 3 of the shocking documentary about slave labor in the mattress industry of third world countries. (Acceptable for kids, and in my opinion, a necessity to educate them on some real world issues. I never bought a foreign mattress again after this eye-opener.)

Wet Squirters 5 - The Squirters gang is back again in this heartwarming tale about a group of whales who try to find their long lost father in a vast ocean of wet sea critters.

Once again, I hope this clears things up for you.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

You expect me to believe that all of those movies simply have unfortunate titles? Nice try.

From Me to Julia ******:

Sorry to disappoint your sick mind Julia, but yes, they are all children's movies. So do you want them or not?

By the way, I just found 3 more movies to add to the collection I am offering:

Toy Story 2
James and the Giant Peach
Walt Disney's Double Penetration Cockblasts 3

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Okay I've had enough of this. You are a nut.

From Me to Julia ******:

Think of the children, Julia. They will never get to enjoy these classic films because of you.

From Julia ****** to Me:

Go to hell.
DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

Posts

  • sandy hillsandy hill Posts: 390
    I'll happily take the ones Julia doesn't want.
    This is a block of text that can be added to posts you make. There is a 255 character limit.
  • YeehaaMcgeeYeehaaMcgee Posts: 5,740
    That site is... Damn. I don't have a suitable superlative to describe just how much awesome that site contains.
    Check out "Operation Soccer Escort" on the Top Rated list there - that had three of us at work in tears of laughter earlier.
  • bg13bg13 Posts: 4,598
    microwave racist, laughing out loud lots! brilliant!
    Loving life in rural SW France

    Orange 5 Pro
    Ribble Audax
    On One Scandal 29er
  • AbraAbra Posts: 338
    "Operation Soccer Escort"

    One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad......... :lol::lol:
    DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
  • oodboooodboo Posts: 2,177
    Dammit:

    Content blocked by your organization
    Reason:
    This Websense category is filtered: Tasteless.

    URL:
    http://dontevenreply.com/all.php
    I love horses, best of all the animals. I love horses, they're my friends.

    Strava
  • AbraAbra Posts: 338
    :lol::lol::lol:
    Original ad:
    looking for a ride from wilmington to manhattan next wednesday, any time during the day is good. I will pay for all of your gas as compensation.
    From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

    Hello,

    I am driving to NYC for a business meeting around 10 AM on Wednesday and would be able to give you a ride. Let me know if you still need one.

    Mike

    From Chris ******* to Me

    mike, that sounds great. where do you want to meet to pick me up? i can meet you anywhere in wilmington. also, how much do you want for gas?

    chris

    Mike Anderson to Chris *******

    Chris,

    I shouldn't need too much money for gas. I drive a Hummer H2 with a swapped motor, so gas really isn't a problem. It gets about 4 MPG highway and only takes premium, so I'd say about $100 should cover it.

    Mike

    From Chris ******* to Me

    what do you mean gas isnt a problem? 4 mpg is ridiculous. I was expecting to pay like 20 or 30 bucks tops! sorry but I'll have to pass

    Mike Anderson to Chris ********

    If you only want to pay 30 bucks, that can get you as far as Exit 7 on the Jersey Turnpike. I can drop you off there, and you can hitchhike the rest of the way. I'm pretty sure hitchhiking is still legal in NJ so it shouldn't be a problem for you. I can pick you up on Naaman's Road in Wilmington by the Target shopping center around 9:30.

    From Chris ******* to Me

    are you serious? no I dont want to be dropped off in the middle of the turnpike. forget it

    Mike Anderson to Chris ********

    Okay, I can give you a ride to Manhattan for $30, but in return, we need to stop at this guy's house in New Brunswick to get some money that he owes me. He's been dodging my calls, so he probably won't be too willing to give the money when we show up at his house. I need you to stand there and look intimidating so he realizes we mean business. How big are you? You should be at least 5'11 and 200 lbs. You can bring a big friend if you are scrawny, but you should ask him to throw up some gas money too.

    From Chris ******* to Me

    what the censored is wrong with you? you sound like a drug dealer. i dont want to ride to manhattan with you

    Mike Anderson to Chris ********

    Chris, I'm sorry that you have turned down my ride. I think you should change your ad on ********** to avoid any further confusion. I re-wrote it for you so all you have to do is click "edit" and then paste this where the original ad is:

    "scrawny man, not capable of intimidating people, looking for a ride from wilmington to new york. not willing to be reasonable in compensation for gas. will most likely complain about stupid stuff the whole ride up"

    From Chris ******* to Me

    censored off censored
    DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
  • RaymondavalonRaymondavalon Posts: 5,346
    Ah, most excellent, loving the Glorious Master Translator too, very entertaining..
  • Tim.sTim.s Posts: 515
    Thank you for bringing this to my attention! I could spent hours reading this stuff. :D

    Tell you what, I'll stand behind you as you carry it up, and shout encouraging motivational words at you to keep you going. I'll say things like "c'mon Marty, you can do it! You're almost there!" and "don't give up!" I'll even bring a few bottles of Gatorade in case you get thirsty. What flavor do you want? I have frost and orange, but I really don't recommend orange because it doesn't even taste like Gatorade.
    "Didn't hurt"
  • Ah, most excellent, loving the Glorious Master Translator too, very entertaining..

    That's one of the best ones I've seen.
  • BriggoBriggo Posts: 3,823
    I'm actually in tears.

    Genius - http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=84
  • EH_RobEH_Rob Posts: 1,134
    Quality website.

    Try this one too -

    http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html
  • AbraAbra Posts: 338
    EH_Rob wrote:
    Quality website.

    Try this one too -

    http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html

    I've seen a lot of these before. There classics. :lol:
    DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
  • Abra wrote:
    EH_Rob wrote:
    Quality website.

    Try this one too -

    http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html

    I've seen a lot of these before. There classics. :lol:

    Likewise, those are excellent, even better I'd say.

    I particularly like the one about the email to HR from a colleague who is subject to a load of practical jokes. That one was excellent.
  • EH_RobEH_Rob Posts: 1,134
    I can't get enough of the Pie Charts one:

    simons_graphs_01.gif
  • EH_RobEH_Rob Posts: 1,134
    From: Richard Matthews
    Date: Tuesday 6 May 2008 9.02pm
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Rove

    That didnt even make any sense. why dont you stop wasting your time and get a girlfriend!

    From: David Thorne
    Date: Tuesday 6 May 2008.06pm
    To: Richard Matthews
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Rove

    Dear censored ,
    Thankyou for the excellent suggestion. I have contacted your wife and we are now seeing eachother.
    Regards, David.
  • http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html
    I had 2 boxes of business cards in my desk drawer and sometime in the last month David Thorne replaced them with cards that have my title changed from graphic designer to "Horse whisperer"

    *goes off to order replacement business cards for his entire department*
  • Also:
    I'm not surprised you get along well with all the other neighbours. If you put fifty children with Down's syndrome in a room there is going to be a lot of hugging.

    http://www.27bslash6.com/halogen.html
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