Did I do a bad thing? I'm not sure

greg66_tri_v2.0

So. Sun came out on Sunday, causing me to make a rare visit to RP. Me and about 10000 other TdF wannabes. Never mind that though.

Quite early on I came up behind two guys riding line-astern - well, I say "riding", but that's not really accurate because they were both either paraplegic or double leg amputees hand cycling what looked from a distance like recumbents, but which were obviously highly specialised bikes.

We're all toiling up Sawyers Hill, which is a hill I have often (to my cost) thought isn't a hill and can and should be taken on 50/15 lest a dose of MTFU be needed. Plus there's a none too pleasant headwind for shits and giggles.

So I pull past these guys, and am sufficiently genuinely impressed by what they're doing on so many levels that I give a thumbs up as I go by.

But as I carried on I began to feel a bit guilty about this. Maybe they thought I was being a sarcastic arse of the "well done lads for holding me up on my important training ride" variety. Or something else. And I still have a nagging doubt that I was a little too emphatic in my thumbs up, and held it a bit too long, so that it could be interpreted in the sarky-arsey way. Which really could not have been further from the truth.

So, hive mind: should I have just kept my hands on my bars? I can't help but feel that in their minds I may just have appeared to be one of the ranks of RP riders who only seem to ride there to show off how good they are and thereby belittle others (I came across a couple of them a bit later in the day - really tiresome).

cje

You're worrying over nothing. They probably took it as the normal sort of greeting that riders give each other (thumbs up, nod of the head, wave...etc), and forgot about it in an instant.

EKE_38BPM

You can't change what they think about you, so don't stress about it.

dhope

I think you're okay.
It would have been poor form to give thumbs up if they had lost arms instead of legs.

peat

You think too much.

clarkey cat

would you give a big thumbs up to an able-bodied person if you were impressed with their effort?

wgwarburton

Greg66 wrote:

... I ... am sufficiently genuinely impressed by what they're doing on so many levels that I give a thumbs up as I go by.
...
...Maybe they thought I was being a sarcastic ars* ...

Your intent was honest, doesn't sound to me like it was patronising. If they interpret it as such that's their problem, not yours...

Cheers,
W.

dhope

clarkey cat wrote:

would you give a big thumbs up to an able-bodied person if you were impressed with their effort?

There was a bloke going up Box Hill on this bizarre mobile cross trainer cycle thing. I commented that it looked like a damn good effort.

Sewinman

If they could have they would have given you the repetitive hand gesture, but frustratingly they could not take their hands off for fear of stopping/losing balance. So in fact, your thumbs up was a double smack in the face - making a sarcastic commentary on them holding you up...AND making light of their disability. You awful man. :roll:

rick_chasey

I thought this was going to be about the shopfront thread .

Headhuunter

No, I think you probably insulted them... I think you need to dwell a bit longer on what you have done and let it eat into you a bit more... :roll:

clarkey cat

In a similar vein - I have a query:

The other day I saw an elderly lady trying to cross a busy road, so I stopped and helped her across. I carried her shopping for her and decided as she looked so frail to carry her bags all the way home. Once we got back she thanked me kindly and offered me a cuppa. We went in and sat there for a few hours while she regaled me with stories of her life in the war, her late husband Frank, and all her wonderful grandchildren. As I left she said, quite teary-eyed, that she's had the most wonderful time and being an old lady living on her own she gets quite lonely and was very appreciative of my stopping.

I'm a bit worried I hung around beyond my welcome though.

Did I do a bad thing?

Tricycleboy

Sod the thumbs up- i can't believe you're crazy enough to go to RP on a sunny sunday afternoon. Lane 3 of the M1 is a more peacful bike ride these days.

First.Aspect

How close were you to the whole, "Well done for doing something which is completely routine for you, you jolly clever little disabled person" thing were you?

That is what you are worried about, right? You pass anyone else and think yay, scalp. But pass an hand bike or a recumbent (which means that the rider is clearly mentally deficient) and you treat them differenly?

The answer to your question is probably. Just a little bit. But I'm sure they've had worse.

msmancunia

Greg and Clarkey - I think you both did a good thing. I stayed on a bus for four miles after my stop and then got back on and came back the same way after talking to an old lady who said since her husband died she could go days without actually having a conversation. We spend too much time rushing about and not being nice to people or giving them the time of day. Both acts are neither condescending or OTT - just nice. Makes me feel there are still some nice people in the world.

dhope

msmancunia wrote:

Greg and Clarkey - I think you both did a good thing. I stayed on a bus for four miles after my stop and then got back on and came back the same way after talking to an old lady who said since her husband died she could go days without actually having a conversation. We spend too much time rushing about and not being nice to people or giving them the time of day. Both acts are neither condescending or OTT - just nice. Makes me feel there are still some nice people in the world.

(think CC was parodying G66)

Initialised

Thumbs up is OK, if you pulled a spaz face at the same time then you did bad.

Today while I was out I saw a couple of people walking their bikes, I slowed and asked if they we're ok, had a puncture or needed help even though their tyres looked fine. The girl smiled and said 'no we're just knackered'. Was I taking the piss or not?

msmancunia

dhope wrote:

msmancunia wrote:

Greg and Clarkey - I think you both did a good thing. I stayed on a bus for four miles after my stop and then got back on and came back the same way after talking to an old lady who said since her husband died she could go days without actually having a conversation. We spend too much time rushing about and not being nice to people or giving them the time of day. Both acts are neither condescending or OTT - just nice. Makes me feel there are still some nice people in the world.

(think CC was parodying G66)

Really? That's a massive "whoosh" over my head then :oops: nevermind, I'll tell myself it really happened anyway

greg66_tri_v2.0

First Aspect wrote:

How close were you to the whole, "Well done for doing something which is completely routine for you, you jolly clever little disabled person" thing were you?

That is what you are worried about, right? You pass anyone else and think yay, scalp. But pass an hand bike or a recumbent (which means that the rider is clearly mentally deficient) and you treat them differenly?

The answer to your question is probably. Just a little bit. But I'm sure they've had worse.

Well, really I fretted over having coming across as an arsey impatient belittling tosspot, rather than simply patronising. FWIW, I don't often get that close to someone who's having to apply so much effort (unless they are passing me, which obv never happens <cough>), but when I have, it's usually someone who has obviously bonked and who is in their own personal hell and then I do usually say something encouraging or give them a thumbs up, because I know how deep that hole is to be in.

Those hand bikes look nightmarish to propel, TBH.

And yes, I thought CC was trying to be a smart little fecker too.

greg66_tri_v2.0

Initialised wrote:

Thumbs up is OK, if you pulled a spaz face at the same time then you did bad.

Today while I was out I saw a couple of people walking their bikes, I slowed and asked if they we're ok, had a puncture or needed help even though their tyres looked fine. The girl smiled and said 'no we're just knackered'. Was I taking the wee-wee or not?

No. You were being solicitous.

I thinks he thing nagging away at me is that I have a special thumbs up I use for utter wanker drivers who cock around, and it's so ingrained in me that i thinksnit has become my default thumbs up when on a bike. Maybe I'm the only one who would notice the difference between it and the regular version, but it wouldn't be a very good demeaning thumbs up if that were the case. Just hope it didn't come across as it might have.

Initialised

Greg66 wrote:

Initialised wrote:

Thumbs up is OK, if you pulled a spaz face at the same time then you did bad.

Today while I was out I saw a couple of people walking their bikes, I slowed and asked if they we're ok, had a puncture or needed help even though their tyres looked fine. The girl smiled and said 'no we're just knackered'. Was I taking the wee-wee or not?

No. You were being solicitous.

I thinks he thing nagging away at me is that I have a special thumbs up I use for utter wanker drivers who fool around, and it's so ingrained in me that i thinksnit has become my default thumbs up when on a bike. Maybe I'm the only one who would notice the difference between it and the regular version, but it wouldn't be a very good demeaning thumbs up if that were the case. Just hope it didn't come across as it might have.

So does the 'Special' thumbs up have a 'look' that goes with it and did you pull that look A.K.A a spaz face, therefore you we're extracting the urine with about as much delicacy as I did to the knackered girl and her bloke. All that matters is if they noticed and I doubt they did.

Initialised

NVM

greg66_tri_v2.0

Initialised wrote:

So does the 'Special' thumbs up have a 'look' that goes with it

Nope. That's part of the problem. If I do it right, it doesn't need a look.

Anonymous

is there a thread on another forum wondering if they did a bad thing by not waving back?

Initialised

coriordan wrote:

is there a thread on another forum wondering if they did a bad thing by not waving back?

No, they we're openly condescending by not responding to his thumbs up

PedalPedant

I had a vaguely similar experience last week in Sainsbury's and it made me realise just how paranoid I've become about causing offence to others.

There was a chap shopping in there who was a "little person" (I want to say dwarf but I'm pretty sure that's frowned upon)*. He came past me and the wife in one of the aisles but I didn't really register it as anything particularly unusual.

A little while later however there was a bit of a disturbance and I glanced round the corner to see said chap giving a teenage lad a fairly serious ear bashing. The lad was with a couple of mates and had obviously made some witty comment at the little blokes expense. He obviously hadn't expected any kind of retaliation but the little guy just went ape on him. I almost felt sorry for the kid, he'd gone deathly pale and was apologising profusely.

Once it had all blown over I was tempted to say something along the lines of "well done, that told 'em" but it struck me that it would come across as massively patronising. But the point is I was genuinely impressed that this guy had fronted up to a teenage lad twice his size who was with a couple of mates and given him a telling off.

It just seemed a shame that I felt I couldn't express this for fear of causing more offence.

PP

* See, I'm at it already.

pangolin

Initialised wrote:

No, they we're openly condescending by not responding to his thumbs up

They we are?

pangolin

Guys, I'm really worried about a recent post where I pointed out Initialised's poor grammar.

What do I do?

wgwarburton

pangolin wrote:

Guys, I'm really worried about a recent post where I pointed out Initialised's poor grammar.

What do I do?

You need to be more thick skinned... Oh yes, and eat more ants.

Cheers,
W.

Stone Glider

Not really, at least you did them the courtesy of recognizing their existence. A situation summarized in the phrase "Does he take sugar?"

I have the poor habit of blanking physically disadvantaged people in many social situations. It is not civilised behaviour :oops:

veronese68

I saw a guy going up there on something like that about 5 this afternoon, good chance it was the same bloke. It looked like really hard work. I didn't give him the thumbs up in case he thought I was just some other tosser so I said I thought it was hard work on a bike and I thought he was doing bloody well. He laughed and said it was hot work. Seemed wuite jolly and I'm sure the thumbs up wouldn't have gone amiss.