Forum home Road cycling forum The cake stop

An apology and some general grumbling

BunnehBunneh Posts: 1,329
edited July 2012 in The cake stop
TLDR: met a woman, things went wrong, lost loads of money and my bike.

Back in 2010 I had managed to get enough cash together to get myself a decent road machine - I bought a Scott Speeder from my LBS for around £1100 and it was my pride and joy. I was a regular poster on here, made a handful of friends (hi Lesley), made a couple of enemies (always fun) and really enjoyed the community.

I got fitter, I was loving it. I posted an advert on here for cycling buddies in the north west and started going out at weekend with some really decent chaps - dcab, Lancslad, to name two. Winter rolled along, the riding kinda laxed off a little and I drifted away from the whole thing. Febuary came along I was getting ready to go out again and I met this woman; seemingly wonderful lass who was somewhat older than me (by 10 years it turned out) and I made the mistake of forgetting everything and everyone else. I am sorry for that, and I apologise to all those involved.

The relationship was great at first, things seemed okay and I found myself kinda falling in love or at least it felt that way. Then censored started to happen; she accused me of cheating when I was just chatting to a girl on the way home on the train - but I put that down to the fact that she'd had problems with her ex. Then things got progressively worse. She told me tales at the start that he ex had been verbally abusive, called her stupid, jammed a can in her face, made her feel like censored essentially and I was all 'oh no' and felt genuinely protective and wanted her to feel safe.

Over a period of months she would start arguments over tiny things (innuendos will be ignored lol), why wasn't I on MSN all the time, or why wasn't I ready on Skype, was I doing something else? - how dare I play games with my friends or as she put it 'those f*cking games' which was Call of Duty etc. Pointless, tiny things, when I thought the world of her. She'd go ballistic over nothing but I always gave her the benefit of the doubt; did my best to make her feel safe, happy, and did what I could financially to get little things for her. I'd go up every weekend, help out in the house, do jobs in the garden, really try and make her life better. Going up mid week, as we lived a good distance away from each other. I did most of the travelling to see her and be with her.

One afternoon I was giving her directions over the phone, get her to some house or other, and because I didn't give her perfect directions she started yelling down the phone, calling me stupid, an idiot and that's when I started to find things falling into place. Early on in our relationship she was saying her ex called her a schizo, I just brushed it off thinking that he was a censored . Thing is her personailty was very much changing moods, attitude, from one thing to another all the time and I never knew what was happening.

June came, and I was at her son's bday party. Nice guy, his friends seemed decent too and she was all so fluffy with everyone. I drank a little, got a tad tipsy but I stopped before it became too much. At the end of the party she was seeing us all out and the others asked if I wanted to go clubbing with them; 'sure' I said and she just blurted out 'you're not going!' and gave me such a look that I just said 'you're pissing me off now'. That was the beginning of the end.

The last couple of weeks rolled by, and I stupidly gave her my Scott, thinking it would mend things - it would be something we could do together, as I had a shoddy single speed but not long after I just gave up. My friends have all said 'get it back!' and I asked for it back, she just told me to **ck off. She'd never use it, it'd just be another trophy because I came down to the conclusion that she was using me - using me for what she could get and she cleaned me out! I went into that relationship with 3 grand, I came out with 400 quid. 4 months! I bought her lovely presents for her birthday and nothing was right. All the stuff she'd hinted at was 'wrong' and that I hadn't guessed right at anything. She went on and on about a metal detector, she wanted one, I got her one and it cost me 150 quid, she just said 'it's censored innit?' - I got her perfume, 120 a bottle, 'I can get bigger ones for less' she said. Got her a nice bracelet 'don't like the colour' even though I matched it in colour to the laptop parts I'd got her, which she asked for; a nice pink colour...

Took her to a concert, put my hand on her knee and she just took it off and slammed my hand on my own knee... relationship? nah, more like one way street. I am now skint, can't ride and gaining weight fast due to an under active thyroid (meds keep it under control). Esnetially I was a slave, some guy who trimmed the garden, kept it tidy and lugged about stuff for her; occasionally getting a kiss as a thanks and that would be it.

Meh - anyway sorry for posting this; just needed to vent. I have met someone else, she is lovely but things are strained at the moment and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to solve problems I have no control over and it's just not going to get any better before it gets worse.
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Posts

  • MonkeypumpMonkeypump Posts: 1,528
    Sorry to hear about your troubles - not good at all. Unfortunately some people are givers and some are takers - you've gone into something with good intentions and been taken advantage of. It's a shame, but look on the bright side - it could have gone on longer, cost your more (both financially and emotionally) and you'd be in an even worse place.

    I would try and get the Scott back, but ultimately the hassle may not be worth it. Is the effort going to depress you even more? Get out on the 'shoddy single speed' - at least you'll be riding and keeping in shape.

    And get back on the forum - things have changed around here and it's been most entertaining!

    Chin up and try to look on the bright side!
  • NapoleonDNapoleonD Posts: 18,632
    :shock:

    Welcome back
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  • PeteMadocPeteMadoc Posts: 2,666
    NapoleonD wrote:
    :shock:

    Welcome back

    This ^

    and...

    Get the Scott back!!!
  • MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,433
    Jeez, sounds sh*te ! But, despite the loss of bike and cash, sounds like you're better off with out the loony !
    Didn't think I'd seen you on here for a while, welcome back !
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  • beancounterbeancounter Posts: 369
    FFS, go and get your bike back.

    At least you can get some riding done.

    bc
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  • Redhog14Redhog14 Posts: 1,377
    Easy to get sucked in sometimes...

    But get up there and don't leave without the Scott, don't argue or get drawn in, just don't leave without it...

    Good luck buddy!
  • RiggaRigga Posts: 939
    What's that saying?...... If it's got tits or wheels it'll cost you a fortune!

    Put it down to experience albeit a very bad one and move on :)
  • bobtbuilderbobtbuilder Posts: 2,058
    Really shocked and saddened to hear all that, Bunneh.

    I would definitely try to get the Scott back. You need to get riding again soon.

    Why are things strained with the new love interest?
  • Redhog14Redhog14 Posts: 1,377
    Maybe you need to be on your own for a while - only then will you appreciate what you are worth! - sorry been on Mumsnet recently, but it is true. Besides burds only get in the way of bikes, cept mine cause she's got more than me..
  • ProssPross Posts: 22,148
    Welcome back - any idea where your old mate Flashy is as he also seems to have gone off radar?
  • CHRISNOIRCHRISNOIR Posts: 1,400
    Bunneh wrote:
    I'm trying to solve problems I have no control over...

    There you go - you've pinpointed it yourself. Take a deep breath and let this one go. And welcome back!
  • djfleming22djfleming22 Posts: 116
    Sorry to hear all you have been going through but it does get better in time just get involved again in something to take your mind off it.

    As for your bike this seem a bit harsh but if you want your bike back..... if you have got receipts for either work or parts that you have bought get them all together ask her for the bike back if she refuses phone the police and tell that you have fallen out and that she refuses to give you back your property and she might just give you it back.... you might have to take her to a small claims court but again that is your choice i know it sounds a bit harsh but it your property and 2 months down the line it will be to late to get it back then
  • BunnehBunneh Posts: 1,329
    I appreciate the comments and well wishes, means a lot.

    Flasheart is alive and well, do not fret. We're active-ish on Failbook, and he's still riding his Cube. I believe he's found a few people down there to ride with which is good. He's having his usual ups and down, but he's getting there :)

    Been just under a year since we broke up (not me and Flash, he's cute but not that cute), can't get it back now really. We haven't even spoke for the same amount of time. Lass I'm with now is lovely but we have some issues which I can't go in too. I have an old single speed which has problems with the headset, well the forks actually, thread's gone so it rattles a lot when riding. Popped in to Decathlon and will save for one of the Triban 5s there, 500 quid and it's upgradable. Be a few months before I can get it but meh, can manage for now may even run a bit lol. She claims I gave her the bike, which technically I did - but I do have all the receipts and have been tempted to report it stolen. It's been a year, is it worth it? Don't think so, last thing I want to see is that 'woman' again. Just really wanted to vent a bit :)
  • Stone GliderStone Glider Posts: 1,227
    Welcome back. As far as the bike is concerned, leave her be. As someone has already pointed out, the relationship is over in a fairly short period, mine was more than twenty years and like you I ended up with nothing. Except for a small amount of self knowledge. If you can re-build your life in a satisfying way then you will be the winner.
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  • Bunneh wrote:
    Been just under a year since we broke up (not me and Flash, he's cute but not that cute), can't get it back now really. We haven't even spoke for the same amount of time.

    Sad tale and I do genuinely wish you well (I've had my share of difficult exs and relationships that went wrong so I can appreciate) - but F777k me go and get your bike back man! :shock:
  • nathancomnathancom Posts: 1,567
    Yep get the bike back, she has no right to it. Been somewhere similar to you - some women are just a-holes, but then some women are amazing.
  • pipipipipipi Posts: 332
    Hope things get better soon.

    I would also ask for the bike back.

    Failing that. How about asking a friend to go round and buy it off her for £100? He could always say, that he knew you and knew you had a bike that you'd given to her, that he knew she wasn't riding it and so he wanted to buy it. I'm sure there might be some haggling, but if she needs some money (and don't we all) she might just sell it to him. Worth a go?
  • GizmodoGizmodo Posts: 1,928
    Really sorry to hear that you met your Bunneh boiler (sorry I couldn't resist) but this is a great community and you've got loads of friends here. It's a tough one, after that length of time I would forget the bike, save up for the new one and work on your current relationship.
  • DIESELDOGDIESELDOG Posts: 2,087
    *wave* to Bunneh! Nice to see you back honey, you know where I am if you fancy a yap, although nowadays it's only at sensible times of the day!!

    Love n hugs

    DD
    Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

    www.onemanandhisbike.co.uk
  • Le CommentateurLe Commentateur Posts: 4,174
    It sounds like you encountered a possesive narcissist. More common with controlling men, but whatever – your life becomes hell as a result, since anything you do that doesn't have her sanction is seen as a personal challenge and vindictive behavior develops. The fuel is an underlying insecurity, possibly because she may have been a victim of abuse herself, or perhaps because the has always been insecure and this is the way she copes with it.
  • VelonutterVelonutter Posts: 4,749 Lives Here
    Take some time, stand back, deep breath and decide what you want in life, make a plan and aim for it, life will decide your destiny.

    Forget about the bike, I'm sure all of us could dig around in the garage and find enough to send you to build your own bike, that way you win and can then move forward.

    Good luck.
  • BunnehBunneh Posts: 1,329
    Cheers for the responses and messages of support, it's appreciated, greatly! As much as I'd like to get it back, I'm just going to leave it.

    Managed to get the single speed running okayish, although it's hard work without gears. Got some old forks for cheap which do the job, no working loose any more, just need to find some deeper caliper front brakes for them.

    When I can afford the 300 I'll get the Triban 3 from Decathlon :)
  • bobtbuilderbobtbuilder Posts: 2,058
    Bunneh wrote:
    Cheers for the responses and messages of support, it's appreciated, greatly! As much as I'd like to get it back, I'm just going to leave it.

    Managed to get the single speed running okayish, although it's hard work without gears. Got some old forks for cheap which do the job, no working loose any more, just need to find some deeper caliper front brakes for them.

    When I can afford the 300 I'll get the Triban 3 from Decathlon :)

    Look on the bright side: after a few months on the single speed you will absolutely FLY once you get your new decathlon! :D
  • HeadhuunterHeadhuunter Posts: 6,494
    On the positive side, at least you're rid of this woman and in a better relationship... Don't let yourself get dominated! You sound like a lovely guy and generosity is a fantastic trait but not when the other side is all take, take, take and you get walked all over! As Velonutter says, forget the bike, move on, save up and get a new one (or a 2nd hand 1) and this time don't let ANYONE else get their hands on it...
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  • DIESELDOGDIESELDOG Posts: 2,087
    @Headhunter, you're right he is a top bloke who deserves to be cut some slack, same as Flash.

    Love n hugs

    DD
    Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

    www.onemanandhisbike.co.uk
  • skyd0gskyd0g Posts: 2,539
    My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk & never come back! I asked him how he was coping and he said,"Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff.."
    Cycling weakly
  • bowden769bowden769 Posts: 143
    skyd0g wrote:
    My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk & never come back! I asked him how he was coping and he said,"Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff.."

    what no way!!! what a cow !!!

    lol powder never is never good way to go

    hope u went round a sorted him out - sorry dont mean to preach but its nasty sh!t
  • I found a note on the fridge from the wife today, "It's not working, I'm off to my Mums". Not sure what she was on about though, the beer was lovely and cold.
  • AnonymousAnonymous Posts: 28,799
    bowden769 wrote:
    skyd0g wrote:
    My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk & never come back! I asked him how he was coping and he said,"Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff.."

    what no way!!! what a cow !!!

    lol powder never is never good way to go

    hope u went round a sorted him out - sorry dont mean to preach but its nasty sh!t

    powdered milk.....
  • andy46andy46 Posts: 1,666
    Sorry to hear about this but it does get better, I've been there done that and had my house emptied by my ex.

    I was left with a bed, a kettle, cooker, 14" portable tv and a cheap chair from Ikea. Luckily my bike, also a Scott was locked in my Dads garage. It was tough getting the mortgage sorted out but I was determined to keep the house as I'd put so much into it.

    It's been hard work but here I am 2 and a half years later and the house is fully furnished once again albeit nothing expensive, I'm with someone else who is great although we only see each other at weekends and take it in turns to see each other, and I treat myself to a road bike at the start of the year.

    Keep your chin up, good things will happen soon enough :)
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