The Limerick/Short Poem Corner...

pinno

Don't let the PC brigade say that BB is an excuse for pure filth. Lets have some creative filth:

This thanks to T.M.H.N.E.T » Mon Jun 18, 2012 2:05 pm

There was an aul nun called Vera
She wouldn't let anyone near her
But a crafty aul monk,slipped into her bunk
And now she's the mother superior

My contribution (Evelyn Waugh):

There was a young lady from Devon
Who was had in a garden by Seven
Itinerent priests those lecivious beasts
Such is the knigdom of heavan

All yours... (i'm hanging my coat up!)

t.m.h.n.e.t

I get double points from typing this from memory

He laid her on the table

So white so clean so bare

His forehead wet with beads of sweat

He rubbed her here and there

He touched her neck,then her chest and drooling touched her thigh

The slit was wet,the mood was set,he gave a joyous cry

The hole was wide,he looked inside

All was dark and murky

He rubbed his hands,stretched his arms



































Then he stuffed the christmas turkey

steerpike

How clear, how lovely bright,
How beautiful to sight
Those beams of morning play;
How heaven laughs out with glee
Where, like a bird set free,
Up from the eastern sea
Soars the delightful day.

To-day I shall be strong,
No more shall yield to wrong,
Shall squander life no more;
Days lost, I know not how,
I shall retrieve them now;
Now I shall keep the vow
I never kept before.

Ensanguining the skies
How heavily it dies
Into the west away;
Past touch and sight and sound
Not further to be found,
How hopeless under ground
Falls the remorseful day.

Frank the tank

There was a young lady from Morton
Who had one long t1t and one short un
To make up for the loss she had a cnut like a ho'ss
And a fart like a 500 Norton.

A senior lecturer from Trinity hall
Had the pure mathematical ball
He found that its weight plus its length minus eight
Equalled twice the square root of fcuk all.

thecrofter

Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin'
She tied it to a five-barred gate
And kicked it's little c*** in

Cleat Eastwood

A limericks a bit like a song
You tell when the rhyme is all wrong
When the 3rd line like this
is not connected to this one
And you end up a bit of a mong.

t.m.h.n.e.t

There was an old sailor called Arthur
By jesus he was a great farter
When the wind wouldn't blow
And his ship wouldn't go
Arthur the farter would start her

pinno

For a bit of balance...on 3 levels:

Excerpt from Wessex Heights, T Hardy

As for one rare fair woman, I am but a thought of hers
another thought succeeds me that she prefers
Yet my love for her in its fullness she heself did not klnow
Well, time cures hearts of tenderness and now I can let her go.

---

There was a young lady called Jessie
Who went to Loch Ness to see Nessie
But she slipped in the mud
with a terrible thud
and Nessie saw Jessie all messy

---

There was man from Dundee
Who tried to pee over a tree
But the tree was too high
and he peed in his eye
and now the poor chap can't see.

jamm13dodger

There was a young man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin wiping cum from his chin
If my ear was a c*nt I could f*ck it.

pinno

There was a man from Downhill
who took a dynamite pill
His heart retired,
his bum backfired
and his willy shot over the hill

pete.laramy

From the Goodies

thers a girl in 3c
with a wart on her knee
and a pimple on her behind
I gave her 3p
and she showed it to me
dont you think that was awfuly kind



p.s i wonder what she'd do for a quid?

iainment

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks just wouldn't scan
Try as he might
He ne'er got it right
As he thought that you had to put as many words into the last line as you possibly can

Frank the tank

A strapping young lad lived in Kent
His cock was so long that it bent
To save any trouble he put it in double
And instead of coming he went.

Cleat Eastwood

pinarello001 wrote:

Excerpt from Wessex Heights, T Hardy

As for one rare fair woman, I am but a thought of hers
another thought succeeds me that she prefers
Yet my love for her in its fullness she heself did not klnow
Well, time cures hearts of tenderness and now I can let her go.

I posted this on FB and got called a girl.

zanelad

There was a young plumber from Leigh
Who was plumming his girl by the sea
She said "stop your plumming
there's somebody coming"
He said "don't be silly, that's me"