Estate agent English

finchy

Cosy = small
Mews-style = small
Compact = small
Ideal for a young family = small
Courtyard garden = small garden
Versatile = small
Open plan = 2 small rooms added together to make 1 small room
Modern = small
Stylish = small

Dougall

Close to = nowhere bloody near!!! An advert for a house near where I live said it was close to another part of Glasgow where the house prices are far higher. Minimum 20 minute drive between the two places
Requires Upgrading or redecoration= sh**hole
Box Room = Room big enough for a box albeit a tiny, tiny, wee box

DavidBelcher

johnfinch wrote:

Cosy = small
Mews-style = small
Compact = small
Ideal for a young family = small
Courtyard garden = small garden
Versatile = small
Open plan = 2 small rooms added together to make 1 small room
Modern = small
Stylish = small

Also:

"Character property" = dropping to bits
Ideal for a single professional = obscenely small yet bloomin' expensive
"Up and coming" location = cheap....for now!

David

Ben6899

Character = Shabby, dirty, filthy
Recently = at least 10 years ago
5 minute walk = 2 miles
high standard = sub-standard
Roof terrace = roof

MrChuck

It's the Policeman-speak style padding that gets me- e.g. "has the benefit of double glazing" when "double glazed" would do fine.

capt_slog

recently decorated = someone ran around with some emulsion, it took all of five minutes
recently decorated to a high standard = as above but two coats.
Inglenook fireplace = we don't know what it it means either, but there's an open fire.
requires rewiring = DON'T TOUCH THAT SWITCH!
interesting features = how the hell is that bit still standing?

pdstsp

Deceptively spacious - small

Dougall

Offers great views across the city = it's a high rise flat
close to local amenities = Is a 3 day hike tothe nearest Lidl

DesB3rd

"That's the lowest offer they'll consider" = "F*ck you - that's my commission you're trying to negotiate away"

snoopsmydogg

in need of modernisation - vendors have inherited a property from and old dear who hasnt changed the carpets or bathroom/kitchen since the 1960s

rolf_f

"Up and coming area" - you can buy crack from the large group of lads who are always hanging around opposite your front door.

snoopsmydogg wrote:

in need of modernisation - vendors have inherited a property from and old dear who hasnt changed the carpets or bathroom/kitchen since the 1960s

To be fair, you could make good Ebay money out of a house like that these days!

snoopsmydogg

Rolf F wrote:

snoopsmydogg wrote:

in need of modernisation - vendors have inherited a property from and old dear who hasnt changed the carpets or bathroom/kitchen since the 1960s

To be fair, you could make good Ebay money out of a house like that these days!

*snigger*

I know one mans cr@p is anothers treasure on fleabay but I would still probably draw the line at a 40+ year old avocado (green), baby blue or pink bathroom suite

rolf_f

snoopsmydogg wrote:

I know one mans cr@p is anothers treasure on fleabay but I would still probably draw the line at a 40+ year old avocado (green), baby blue or pink bathroom suite

You wait - modern suites are usually pretty crap quality and they are only ever white now. A good quality avocado enamel bathroom suite in good nik will be worth serious money sooner than you think.

I suspect the pink and blue will take a lot longer........

Ben6899

Rolf F wrote:

snoopsmydogg wrote:

I know one mans cr@p is anothers treasure on fleabay but I would still probably draw the line at a 40+ year old avocado (green), baby blue or pink bathroom suite

You wait - modern suites are usually pretty crap quality and they are only ever white now. A good quality avocado enamel bathroom suite in good nik will be worth serious money sooner than you think.

I suspect the pink and blue will take a lot longer........

Yeh Snoop, so stop taking the p1ss out of Rolf's bathroom!

CHRISNOIR

"Lower ground floor apartment" - Basement.

Stone Glider

"No upward chain" - re-possession.

"In need of some attention" - condemned.

"In a state of desuetude" - condemned but in a posh area.

"Original features" - condemned fittings and fixtures.

Stone Glider

"Sub-basement" - dungeon.

rolf_f

Ben6899 wrote:

Rolf F wrote:

snoopsmydogg wrote:

I know one mans cr@p is anothers treasure on fleabay but I would still probably draw the line at a 40+ year old avocado (green), baby blue or pink bathroom suite

You wait - modern suites are usually pretty crap quality and they are only ever white now. A good quality avocado enamel bathroom suite in good nik will be worth serious money sooner than you think.

I suspect the pink and blue will take a lot longer........

Yeh Snoop, so stop taking the p1ss out of Rolf's bathroom!

Yeaaahhh, you heard him......

No, wait a minute. Hey! :evil:

team47b

Current owners are looking for a quick sale = quick before it rains and you realise the roof leaks

oh no that was not the estate agent that was me before leaving the UK :oops:

finchy

Lively neighbourhood - your neighbours will be on the sex offenders register.

nevman

Great location=busy road
Quiet location=off a busy road
Great transport links=busy road with a bus stop.

eede

Regard = Scaffolding (As in local school held in high regard)

sfichele

up and coming area - pull the the other one, there is no such thing as an up and coming area. Once a cr4p hole always a cr4p hole

rolf_f

sfichele wrote:

up and coming area - pull the the other one, there is no such thing as an up and coming area. Once a cr4p hole always a cr4p hole

The residents of Notting Hill might argue that one with you!