Friday Thread - The lowest of the low

tailwindhome

Some fecker stole my milk out of the fridge.

It doesn't get any lower than someone who would steal from their workmates.

rick_chasey

TailWindHome wrote:

Some fecker stole my milk out of the fridge.

It doesn't get any lower than someone who would steal from their workmates.

Hmm. Want the hivemind to concoct an e-mail to send round the office?

Witty, cutting, harsh, but still makes you look like a good bloke?

rjsterry

TailWindHome wrote:

Some fecker stole my milk out of the fridge.

It doesn't get any lower than someone who would steal from their workmates.

Thought you meant at home for a moment there - thought that was a bit harsh on the children. Do you not get basic tea making facilities laid on?

cjcp

"Amnesty for the next hour if my milk is returned. If, after the expiry of that hour, my milk has not been returned, I will make the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse look like a bunch of fairies who ride ponies.

Return. The. Milk."

OneForTheRoad

That's terrible!

Would never happen in my office. We are so friendly that people here even name their food. I've just eaten a lovely yogurt called Polly........

tailwindhome

rjsterry wrote:

Do you not get basic tea making facilities laid on?

Used to. Went along with the subsidised canteen in cost cutting


It was actually the end of a 2 litre container with just enough for my museli and coffee today.

They finished it and dumped the container

Aaaargh!

kelsen

We had a spate of office fridge theft one point, either workmen or people from another floor. After my M&S pasta got nicked I doctored a few items and left it in the fridge - a chocolate milkshake laced with chilli sauce, a creme caramel with soya sauce and a yoghurt that'd been kept in my desk drawer for a week. Whether or not it discouraged the thieves I don't know but it made me feel a lot better.

walkingbootweather

As many of you may know there are many couples who would love a child to complete their lives. Unfortuantely some men have a condition rendering them unable to father children. As a caring individual with an incredibly high sperm count I have recently agrred to become a sperm donnor. I was intending to take my donation to the local clinic this afternoon and for safe keeping stored it in a milk bottle in the communial fridge.

It appears that someone may have mistaken the contents and assumed it to be milk that they could use for communial tea making. Fortunately I feel able to knock out another couple of pints to avoid disappointment for these prospective parents, however in future can I respectfully request that people use their own milk for tea making.

UndercoverElephant

walkingbootweather wrote:

As many of you may know there are many couples who would love a child to complete their lives. Unfortuantely some men have a condition rendering them unable to father children. As a caring individual with an incredibly high sperm count I have recently agrred to become a sperm donnor. I was intending to take my donation to the local clinic this afternoon and for safe keeping stored it in a milk bottle in the communial fridge.

It appears that someone may have mistaken the contents and assumed it to be milk that they could use for communial tea making. Fortunately I feel able to knock out another couple of pints to avoid disappointment for these prospective parents, however in future can I respectfully request that people use their own milk for tea making.

We have a winner.

gtvlusso

walkingbootweather wrote:

As many of you may know there are many couples who would love a child to complete their lives. Unfortuantely some men have a condition rendering them unable to father children. As a caring individual with an incredibly high sperm count I have recently agrred to become a sperm donnor. I was intending to take my donation to the local clinic this afternoon and for safe keeping stored it in a milk bottle in the communial fridge.

It appears that someone may have mistaken the contents and assumed it to be milk that they could use for communial tea making. Fortunately I feel able to knock out another couple of pints to avoid disappointment for these prospective parents, however in future can I respectfully request that people use their own milk for tea making.

You owe me a keyboard.....:-) :-)

bails87

gtvlusso wrote:

walkingbootweather wrote:

As many of you may know there are many couples who would love a child to complete their lives. Unfortuantely some men have a condition rendering them unable to father children. As a caring individual with an incredibly high sperm count I have recently agrred to become a sperm donnor. I was intending to take my donation to the local clinic this afternoon and for safe keeping stored it in a milk bottle in the communial fridge.

It appears that someone may have mistaken the contents and assumed it to be milk that they could use for communial tea making. Fortunately I feel able to knock out another couple of pints to avoid disappointment for these prospective parents, however in future can I respectfully request that people use their own milk for tea making.

You owe me a keyboard.....:-) :-)

.....why? What's been spilt on it?! :shock:

Ben6899

I agree; taking food that isn't your own from the office fridge is really rather low. A colleague of Miss6899 bought a pizza one lunchtime, ate half and put the remaining 90deg of bready-cheesy-tomatoey loveliness in the fridge so she could eat it cold the next day.

So the next day comes and Miss6899's colleague goes to the fridge to retrieve her pi/2 radians of reassuring carbohydrates. One slice had gone completely and the remaining slice had a ghastly bite taken out of it.

Who does that!?

SimonAH

My genuinely uber friendly office works on a community basis - unless it's obviously someone's particular tofu salad..naming no names Steve Bomford.

We all tend to bring in a pack of crumpets, some hot cross buns, a pack of bacon, some cakes - or something along those lines once or twice a week each. Feel peckish? Go to the fridge / toaster / grill etc and help yourself (making sure to ask if anyone else wants one). Never worked in a place like it.

Whoever passes the shops and remembers stocks up on coffee beans, tea bags, milk, butter, marmite etc on a company credit card.

Ben6899

SimonAH wrote:

My genuinely uber friendly office works on a community basis - unless it's obviously someone's particular tofu salad..naming no names Steve Bomford.

We all tend to bring in a pack of crumpets, some hot cross buns, a pack of bacon, some cakes - or something along those lines once or twice a week each. Feel peckish? Go to the fridge / toaster / grill etc and help yourself (making sure to ask if anyone else wants one). Never worked in a place like it.

Whoever passes the shops and remembers stocks up on coffee beans, tea bags, milk, butter, marmite etc on a company credit card.

That sounds really nice! We have tea and coffee making facilities thrown in here (very good employer), but it stops there; the number of people working here is simply far too large to extend that to crumpets, bacon or Steve Bomford's tofu. Our team does have a biscuit tin though, which is filled up ad hoc by whoever happens to pop to the shop. It's a good job I walk everywhere and cycle regularly!

mudcow007

Ben6899 wrote:

One slice had gone completely and the remaining slice had a ghastly bite taken out of it.

Who does that!?

my place lays on tea an coffee an bread which is damn decent of them

we have "squirrels" here, well i say squirrels i prefer to call them thieving varmits who will raid anything in the fridge

my mrs dad told me he used buy a pack of ring donuts, take a donut an wear it on his "john Thomas" then do the same with the rest of the pack :shock:

this is why i only eat my own food

veronese68

I thought this was going to be about pavement cyclists. ;-)
Stealing food, milk included, is a most heinous crime. I seem to recall a dogshit and salad sandwich being left nicley wrapped in our work fridge some time ago. Food stopped disappearing after that.

kelsen

Ben6899 wrote:

Our team does have a biscuit tin though, which is filled up ad hoc by whoever happens to pop to the shop.

We had a communal biscuit tin until it became apparent some people took more than their fair share and rarely replenished the stock. Biscuits are now jealously guarded and offered only to those who you like.

veronese68

kelsen wrote:

Ben6899 wrote:

Our team does have a biscuit tin though, which is filled up ad hoc by whoever happens to pop to the shop.

We had a communal biscuit tin until it became apparent some people took more than their fair share and rarely replenished the stock. Biscuits are now jealously guarded and offered only to those who you like.

I've just had 3 cookies with my tea. Didn't offer any to anyone. I do occasionally, but no other bugger does.

optimisticbiker

We had a spate of thefts from the food fridge, but the culprit was identified (it was never explained how) and left not long after. Since then no problem.

We have tea (many sorts), freshly ground coffee, fresh milk (green and red top), juices, soft drinks, and fresh fruit daily all supplied free plus Haribo, White Chocolate Skulls and other similar delicacies in old fashioned jars on the reception desk on Fridays. Its a rare day when there isn't someone's birthday or other event that means a desk load of cakes (often home made) or M&S tubs (rocky road being a particular fav).

Every 1st Thursday of the month at 5pm in our communal eating area is 'thirsty thursday' and we have dips, snacks, wine, beer and stuff and a communal natter...

Plus a gratuitously expensive vending machine of crisps and chocolate snacks....

suzyb

We have the opposite problem at work. We keept getting accused of eating the "meeting biscuits" which are kept in a cupboard in our kitchen. Even though said kitchen is open and accessible by any one of the half dozen companies that share the building.

mrc1

In my old office (posh law firm) there was somebody who regularly restocked the fridge with a four pack of white lightning tramp cider which would then be drunk over the course of a few days. I never managed to work out who they belonged to sadly, but I had quite a lot of admiration for whoever it was!

Dog Breath

Office of 50 people. We have a kettle, and that's it. The generosity of our company knows no bounds. We are so grateful

PBo

Someone I was at uni was having milk and yoghurt nicked from landing fridge....so she bought some natural yoghurt, dipped her fingers in it and used it to treat a female yeast infection....after a few treatments the half used pot also disappeared.....

itboffin

Back in the olden days a company I worked for had a staff bar at the back of the building but due to certain abuses of privilege it had to be pulled down, imagine that :roll: