How to get rid of cats

oodboo

Got two of the little buggers, had them for about 7 years now and want rid. Any suggestions?

EH_Rob

bag.
bricks.
river.

Aggieboy

Most of the Crudders pussies seem to end up in a ditch.

Stevo_666

At least give them a sporting chance:
http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=10007&t=12605827

oodboo

The missus is a bit soft, death is not an option.

homers_double

Pay your kids to fake an alergy. Failing that put pepper in your kids cereal and when they start to sneeze a lot blame the cat and the fact they have developed an alergy.

Or, put pepper in the cats food and tell her its better to have them put down instead of suffering with their alergy to humans.

Or, put cat food (minus the pepper) behind your car tyre.. reverse quickly... Win.

estampida

so i dont advise any of this but:

there are quite a few things within the house that are really toxic, some to certain species, some general - a good example is lilly pollen, this causes liver failure in mammals, and is a know risk for cats as they get the pollen on their fur then lick it off. Chilli is also toxic to cats if they eat the plants.

And there will be other examples (human chocolate for dogs ect) but you need to do your homework as just putting them on gumtree and not telling the missus you have given them away is the best idea

or get a dog............

cooldad

Stir fry?

Gazlar

Get Kate and Gerry McCann to cat sit for you, nor only will it solve the problem, you'll also get a lucrative book deal out of

estampida

blendtec the only choice

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aM94aorYVS4

Raymondavalon

Microwave...

Cooked internally so their deaths appear "natural"

Seriously, there are many cat shelters that would take them.. but you have to get them hooked on booze or narcotics in order for them to qualify for a shelter..

oodboo

Raymondavalon wrote:

Seriously, there are many cat shelters that would take them..

I've rang every shelter in the area and none of them are taking any cats in at the moment, some have a waiting list but we need to get rid of them asap.

moster

You could move house without telling them?

Or scout out houses with a cat flap, shove them through it and nail it shut? It'd need to be far enough away so that cant find there way back though

veronese68

Get them a nice little toy to chase, taunt them with it for a while, cover it in catnip so they really want it, chuck it into a woodchipper, cats follow, horrible 'accident' ensues.
I've been trying to lose our 2 for years. Kids and wife won't let me.

choldy

I've just inherited cat number 8 from a mate who threatened to bag the poor little bugger!

projectsome

in a box, random address. job done

oodboo

Wife wants rid, I want rid. Kids are too young to care but the oldest (nearly 3) is disabled and having a lot of problems with chest infections. Cats needs are being met but not emotionally so they are playing up and sh1ting and p1sing everywhere as they're just not getting enough attention. Youngest is very mobile and we're worried he might find something before we do. Oldest is now having seizures due to chest infections and we don't know if this is derectly related to the cats but it's something we need to rule out, his last seizure lasted over 3 hours and resulted in a week in hospital.

Just got off the phone to the Blue Cross which is in the next county but have already exhausted all the local options. Yes this is serious but I really didn't expect anyone on here to offer any real help, I just posted in the CC for amusing resposes to help take my mind off the fact I want rid of two family pets we've had for 7 years.

Gazlar and McCann cat sitters option has been the best so far.

projectsome

oodboo wrote:

The rosiness left the little girl's face. She raised her head, and her brown eyes looked pleadingly into the master's, her white face besought him, for one second. Then she scrambled up to the form by the aid of the desk in front of her.

Down the room near the master's desk stood a new boy, an awkward looking figure of twelve years old or so, waiting to be given a place in the class. Elizabeth knew that her disgrace was meant as a solemn warning to him. So she tossed back the short dark [11]curls that hardly reached her neck, and looking angrily at him, said—

"I was top and I pulled Nelly Martin's hair, and was sent down three. Then I was fourth, and my pencil squeaked my slate and I was sent down six. Then Cyril had to spell 'giraffe,' and I said 'one r and two f's,' and she sent me to the bottom."

All of this speech was directed to the new boy who stood on one leg and grew red. It was an immense relief to him when the master rapped the front desk with his cane and said—

"Look at me, miss. Whom do you mean by 'she'?"

drive around looking for children, they love pussies. especially cute furry ones

mak3m

mmmmm head wife ditch backwards

fill void in your life by stroking pussy and buying a new bike too make yourself feel better

Raymondavalon

I blame Wiggle for the chest infections (said in jest, nothing personal.... [after all this is the CC])

jndb72

Sneak them in the car, drive them miles away, preferably to the top of some wind swept deserted mountain, and dump them there. When they don't return later that evening and the kids\mrs start asking questions just act as suprised and sad as they do...jobs a good un.

oodboo

Raymondavalon wrote:

I blame Wiggle

Good call, do you think their returns policy would apply to cats I didnt get from them?

thekickingmule

Buy a dog. A big one. They're much better than cats, plus I'm not allergic to them.

Gazlar

Why don't you introduce a small brown mouse to the house which would terrorise the cat with hilarious consequences.