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How to get rid of cats

oodboooodboo Posts: 2,177
edited April 2012 in The Crudcatcher
Got two of the little buggers, had them for about 7 years now and want rid. Any suggestions?
I love horses, best of all the animals. I love horses, they're my friends.

Strava

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  • EH_RobEH_Rob Posts: 1,134
    bag.
    bricks.
    river.
  • AggieboyAggieboy Posts: 3,689
    Most of the Crudders pussies seem to end up in a ditch.
    "There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world, t'would be a pity to damage yours."
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 41,684
    Whippet
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    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • oodboooodboo Posts: 2,177
    The missus is a bit soft, death is not an option.
    I love horses, best of all the animals. I love horses, they're my friends.

    Strava
  • homers_doublehomers_double Posts: 6,565
    Pay your kids to fake an alergy. Failing that put pepper in your kids cereal and when they start to sneeze a lot blame the cat and the fact they have developed an alergy.

    Or, put pepper in the cats food and tell her its better to have them put down instead of suffering with their alergy to humans.

    Or, put cat food (minus the pepper) behind your car tyre.. reverse quickly... Win.
    Advocate of disc brakes.
  • estampidaestampida Posts: 1,008
    so i dont advise any of this but:

    there are quite a few things within the house that are really toxic, some to certain species, some general - a good example is lilly pollen, this causes liver failure in mammals, and is a know risk for cats as they get the pollen on their fur then lick it off. Chilli is also toxic to cats if they eat the plants.

    And there will be other examples (human chocolate for dogs ect) but you need to do your homework as just putting them on gumtree and not telling the missus you have given them away is the best idea

    or get a dog............
  • cooldadcooldad Posts: 32,904
    Stir fry?
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  • GazlarGazlar Posts: 8,110
    Get Kate and Gerry McCann to cat sit for you, nor only will it solve the problem, you'll also get a lucrative book deal out of
    Mountain biking is like sex.......more fun when someone else is getting hurt
    Amy
    Farnsworth
    Zapp
  • estampidaestampida Posts: 1,008
  • RaymondavalonRaymondavalon Posts: 5,346
    Microwave...

    Cooked internally so their deaths appear "natural"

    Seriously, there are many cat shelters that would take them.. but you have to get them hooked on booze or narcotics in order for them to qualify for a shelter..
  • oodboooodboo Posts: 2,177
    Seriously, there are many cat shelters that would take them..

    I've rang every shelter in the area and none of them are taking any cats in at the moment, some have a waiting list but we need to get rid of them asap.
    I love horses, best of all the animals. I love horses, they're my friends.

    Strava
  • mostermoster Posts: 121
    You could move house without telling them?

    Or scout out houses with a cat flap, shove them through it and nail it shut? It'd need to be far enough away so that cant find there way back though
    When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
  • veronese68veronese68 Posts: 22,764 Lives Here
    Get them a nice little toy to chase, taunt them with it for a while, cover it in catnip so they really want it, chuck it into a woodchipper, cats follow, horrible 'accident' ensues.
    I've been trying to lose our 2 for years. Kids and wife won't let me.
  • choldycholdy Posts: 28
    I've just inherited cat number 8 from a mate who threatened to bag the poor little censored !
  • projectsomeprojectsome Posts: 4,478
    in a box, random address. job done
    FARKBOOK TWATTER Happiness is my censored mood!
  • oodboooodboo Posts: 2,177
    Wife wants rid, I want rid. Kids are too young to care but the oldest (nearly 3) is disabled and having a lot of problems with chest infections. Cats needs are being met but not emotionally so they are playing up and sh1ting and p1sing everywhere as they're just not getting enough attention. Youngest is very mobile and we're worried he might find something before we do. Oldest is now having seizures due to chest infections and we don't know if this is derectly related to the cats but it's something we need to rule out, his last seizure lasted over 3 hours and resulted in a week in hospital.

    Just got off the phone to the Blue Cross which is in the next county but have already exhausted all the local options. Yes this is serious but I really didn't expect anyone on here to offer any real help, I just posted in the CC for amusing resposes to help take my mind off the fact I want rid of two family pets we've had for 7 years.

    Gazlar and McCann cat sitters option has been the best so far.
    I love horses, best of all the animals. I love horses, they're my friends.

    Strava
  • projectsomeprojectsome Posts: 4,478
    oodboo wrote:
    The rosiness left the little girl's face. She raised her head, and her brown eyes looked pleadingly into the master's, her white face besought him, for one second. Then she scrambled up to the form by the aid of the desk in front of her.

    Down the room near the master's desk stood a new boy, an awkward looking figure of twelve years old or so, waiting to be given a place in the class. Elizabeth knew that her disgrace was meant as a solemn warning to him. So she tossed back the short dark [11]curls that hardly reached her neck, and looking angrily at him, said—

    "I was top and I pulled Nelly Martin's hair, and was sent down three. Then I was fourth, and my pencil squeaked my slate and I was sent down six. Then Cyril had to spell 'giraffe,' and I said 'one r and two f's,' and she sent me to the bottom."

    All of this speech was directed to the new boy who stood on one leg and grew red. It was an immense relief to him when the master rapped the front desk with his cane and said—

    "Look at me, miss. Whom do you mean by 'she'?"

    drive around looking for children, they love pussies. especially cute furry ones
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  • mak3mmak3m Posts: 1,469
    mmmmm head wife ditch backwards

    fill void in your life by stroking censored and buying a new bike too make yourself feel better
  • RaymondavalonRaymondavalon Posts: 5,346
    I blame Wiggle for the chest infections (said in jest, nothing personal.... [after all this is the CC])
  • jndb72jndb72 Posts: 629
    Sneak them in the car, drive them miles away, preferably to the top of some wind swept deserted mountain, and dump them there. When they don't return later that evening and the kids\mrs start asking questions just act as suprised and sad as they do...jobs a good un.
    2011 Canyon Nerve AM 5.0
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    I might have alzheimer's but atleast I don't have alzheimer's
  • oodboooodboo Posts: 2,177
    I blame Wiggle
    Good call, do you think their returns policy would apply to cats I didnt get from them?
    I love horses, best of all the animals. I love horses, they're my friends.

    Strava
  • thekickingmulethekickingmule Posts: 7,957
    Buy a dog. A big one. They're much better than cats, plus I'm not allergic to them.
    It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded.
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  • GazlarGazlar Posts: 8,110
    Why don't you introduce a small brown mouse to the house which would terrorise the cat with hilarious consequences.
    Mountain biking is like sex.......more fun when someone else is getting hurt
    Amy
    Farnsworth
    Zapp
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