Merry Christmas and all that...

essex-commuter

Well I've finished my commuting for 2011, I'm working tomorrow and Friday but from home.

Just wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy, and safe New Year.

Thanks for all the advice, the chuckles, and the company I've benefited from by being part of this community, it really can be a special (needs) place sometimes. You really are a great bunch of people.

Enjoy the holidays!

Mark

Wrath Rob

Today's the last day on the bike today and so far its been a good one.

+1 to the Yuletide wishes and I'm looking forwards to all the usual fun and frolicks on the forum in the new year. Happy holidays all!

spen666

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to you all, but it is difficult in today's environment to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So, after obtaining legal advice, I wish to say the following;

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all .

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great (not to imply that the UK is greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms :

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Ben6899

Shalom.

jonginge

I'll summarize Spen's missive by saying Season's Greeting!

Have a great holiday, people.

cjcp

Merry Christmas, folks!

Ride safe.

mudcow007

aye, what all the above have said

as AC/DC once sung about... "ride on"

have your selves a merry chrimbo!

The Rookie

Last day at work tomorrow, probably go by bike.......asits getting warmer I think I'll be T-shirted again!

Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous new year to all.

Simon

spen666

The Beginner wrote:

Last day at work tomorrow, probably go by bike.......asits getting warmer I think I'll be T-shirted again!

Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous new year to all.

Simon

rode in today and was sweating like a scouser being asked to do a day's work!

Far too mild

whitebait01

spen666 wrote:

The Beginner wrote:

Last day at work tomorrow, probably go by bike.......asits getting warmer I think I'll be T-shirted again!

Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous new year to all.

Simon

rode in today and was sweating like a scouse being asked to do a day's work!

Far too mild

+1 to that, was sweating like a geordie in a maths test...

bails87

spen666 wrote:

The Beginner wrote:

Last day at work tomorrow, probably go by bike.......asits getting warmer I think I'll be T-shirted again!

Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous new year to all.

Simon

rode in today and was sweating like a scouser being asked to do a day's work!

Far too mild

One extreme to the other, eh spen!

Merry Christmas everybody!

spen666

whitebait01 wrote:

spen666 wrote:

The Beginner wrote:

Last day at work tomorrow, probably go by bike.......asits getting warmer I think I'll be T-shirted again!

Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous new year to all.

Simon

rode in today and was sweating like a scouse being asked to do a day's work!

Far too mild

+1 to that, was sweating like a geordie in a maths test...

I concur- and am glad i'm neither a Geordie nor a scouser

SimonAH

Yup, all over for me too (still have checkemailitis though).

Merry Christmas one and all, may your jumpers be patterned, your mulled wine warm and your dinners vast xxxxx

veronese68

Yes, Happy Christmas to you all. Hope any wind is behind you.
Riding in again tomorrow, probably get sent home about lunchtime. Then back to Kingston for a couple of bits I have yet to buy and then a couple of pints with some colleagues before going home.

spen666

Veronese68 wrote:

... Hope any wind is behind you...

It will be after the sprouts on Xmas day

mudcow007

spen666 wrote:

rode in today and was sweating like a scouser being asked to do a day's work!

you my friend are a c0ck

but if we are pulling the regional thing....

"What did one Geordie say to another Geordie"?

Something incomprehensible.

carry on

spen666

mudcow007 wrote:

spen666 wrote:

rode in today and was sweating like a scouser being asked to do a day's work!

you my friend are a c0ck

but if we are pulling the regional thing....

"What did one Geordie say to another Geordie"?

Something incomprehensible.

carry on

What's the fascination with Geordies in this thread.

I am not a Geordie

SimonAH

Do you know the difference between the Italian Mafia and the Welsh Taffia?

The Mafia make you an offer you can't refuse, the Taffia make you an offer you can't understand.

spen666

mudcow007 wrote:

...you my friend are a c0ck

...

Oh and peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind etc

nice to see you can tear yourself from the Christmas spirit to issue personal insults

mudcow007

spen666 wrote:

mudcow007 wrote:

...you my friend are a c0ck

...

Oh and peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind etc

nice to see you can tear yourself from the Christmas spirit to issue personal insults

steady on cowboy

<schoolboy mode>

but you started it

</schoolboy mode>

extracting the urine with the jibe about scousers

an i thought you were from "County Durham"? if that doesn't make you a Geordie please accept my my mostly humblest of apologise

your a Solicitor arnt you......im pretty sure i can come up with a jibe about them

spen666

mudcow007 wrote:

spen666 wrote:

mudcow007 wrote:

...you my friend are a c0ck

...

Oh and peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind etc

nice to see you can tear yourself from the Christmas spirit to issue personal insults

steady on cowboy

<schoolboy mode>

but you started it

</schoolboy mode>

extracting the urine with the jibe about scousers

an i thought you were from "County Durham"? if that doesn't make you a Geordie please accept my my mostly humblest of apologise

your a Solicitor arnt you......im pretty sure i can come up with a jibe about them

There is a difference between jokes about groups and personal insults


I may be from County Durham ( in fact I am from County Durham) but makes me no more a Geordie than someone from Liverpool is a Mancunian

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said that it didn't. The doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man." The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mummy, why did they bury two men there?"

Q: Why are lawyers buried in deeper graves than other folks?
A: Deep down, they're much nicer people.

A solicitor was sitting in his office late one night, when Satan appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you take on, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all your friends and law partners." The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"

A hitchhiker is standing on the roadside near the law school with his thumb out. A motorist stops, and asks, "Are you a lawyer?" He tells him that he is not. The motorist drives off. A second motorist stops and asks, "Are you a lawyer?" He again replies that he is not. The motorist drives off. A third motorist, this time a striking, voluptuous blonde, stops, and asks, "Are you a lawyer?" The hitchhiker says that he is. The girl tells him to get in, and off they go. After a few minutes of admiring the driver, the hitchhiker exclaims, "This is really something. I've only been a lawyer for five minutes, and already I'm thinking about screwing somebody!"

A man asked a lawyer his fee, and was told it was £50.00 for three questions. "Isn't that awfully steep?" he asked. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.

It seemed that the son of a Spanish lawyer graduated from college and was considering the future. He went to his father, who had a very large office, and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner where he could observe his father's activities. He could be introduced to his father's clients as a clerk. This way, he could decide on whether or not to become a lawyer. His father thought this to be a splendid idea, and this arrangement was set up immediately.
On his son's first day at work, the first client in the morning was a rough-hewn man with calloused hands, in workman's attire, who began the conversation as follows: "Mr. Lawyer, I work for some people named Gonzales who have a farm on the east side of town. For many years I have tended their crops and animals, including some cows. I have raised, the cows, tended them, fed them, and it has always been my understanding and belief that I was the owner of the cows. Mr. Gonzales died and his son has inherited the farm, and he believes that since the cows were raised on his ranch and fed on his hay, the cows are his. In short, we have a dispute as to the ownership of the cows."
The lawyer said, "I have heard enough. I will take your case. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" After the tenant farmer left, the next client came in. A young, well-dressed man, clearly a member of the landed class. "My name is Gonzales. I own a farm on the east side of the town," he said. "For many years, a tenant farmer has worked for my family tending the crops and animals, including some cows. The cows have been raised on my land and fed on my hay, and I believe that they belong to me, but the tenant farmer believes that since he raised them and cared for them, they are his. In short, we have a dispute over ownership of the cows."
"I heard enough. I'll take your case. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" After the client left, the son came over to his father with a look of concern. "My father, I know nothing of the law, but it seems to me that we have a serious problem regarding these cows." "DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" said the lawyer. "The cows will be ours!"

Q: Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.

A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client who had attended the trial was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client. The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading "Justice has triumphed!" The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he saw a lawyer making passionate love to a beautiful woman. "What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting Satan snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"


A lawyer was asked if he would like to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but would still be interested in taking the case.


People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.


The reason that there is a penalty for laughing in court is that otherwise the jury would never be able to hear the evidence.


A jury is a collection of people banded together to decide who hired the better lawyer.

Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem. He replied that he paid it back right after his first case. When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."

What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? The rooster clucks defiance.

A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses." One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, watch what you say. You're in horse country."

The lawyer wandered home at 3 AM. His wife became very upset, telling him, "You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!" The lawyer replied, "I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve."

Did you hear about the lawyer who stepped in cow dung, and thought that he was melting?

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember that, on the sixth day, God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession." The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine." Then, the lawyer spoke up, "Yes, but who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night. He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's lawyers gathered around the pot-bellied stove, discussing the town's business. Not one offered to allow Dow into the circle. Dow told the men who he was, and that he had recently had a vision where he had been given a tour of Hell, much like the traveller in Dante's Inferno. When one of the lawyers asked him what he had seen, he replied, "Very much what I see here: All of the lawyers, gathered in the hottest place."

A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it," I'm sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I'm not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I'll have to get back to you then." He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for you?" "Nothing," replied the man. "I'm here to hook up your phone."

Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.

A doctor, a priest and a lawyer are caught out at sea when a storm breaks, battering their small boat with sheets of rain and blasts of wind. Looking off the bow, they spot still more cause for pause: the surrounding waters are thick with circling sharks. As the storm intensifies, it is clear that their only hope for survival is to swim for shore for help. The three draw straws, and the lawyer, who gets the shortest, bravely jumps overboard. At once, he is approached by a toothy shark. "Jump on my back and I'll take you in," says the shark. The lawyer hops on and grabs a fin. The doctor and priest are awestruck. "Hey," explains the shark. "It's just professional courtesy.

Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do that a lawyer won't do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so. So, the next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

cjcp

SimonAH wrote:

Do you know the difference between the Italian Mafia and the Welsh Taffia?

The Mafia make you an offer you can't refuse, the Taffia make you an offer you can't understand.

mudcow007

spen666 wrote:

There is a difference between jokes about groups and personal insults


I may be from County Durham ( in fact I am from County Durham) but makes me no more a Geordie than someone from Liverpool is a Mancunian

can we just hug an carry on, tis the season you know

come on, hug it out

BelgianBeerGeek

Final ride to work of the year for me today (car tomorrow to bring back loads of crap accumulated in desk).

Lovely day, rode in in jersey, no beanie hat or long gloves. Finished early and rode the long way home, enjoying every second of it.

When I got home I was sweating like a Royal Marine on a spelling test.

Seasons greetings one and all.

Stone Glider

If this forum is good for anything it is good at straying from the subject.

Seasons Greetings, all the best for 2012.

Twostage

Got one more day, can't decide if it's bike or car. I have stuff to bring back but I could leave some but it would be good to get it all home. Is it going to be a nice day ? What time will I come back ? Sleep on it I think.

Anyway season's greetings all.

Fireblade96

I'm done for the year - rode home bare-headed, all vents a-flapping, and still overheated.
Happy Christmas all :-)

deptfordmarmoset

spen666 wrote:

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to you all, but it is difficult in today's environment to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So, after obtaining legal advice, I wish to say the following;

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all .

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great (not to imply that the UK is greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms :

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Summer solstice? This thread discriminates against Winter. Mods!!!!!

Oh, and enjoy your Christmases everybody...

dhope

spen666 wrote:

mudcow007 wrote:

spen666 wrote:

mudcow007 wrote:

Liverpool

Newcastle

Manchester

County Durham

Yup yup, Merry Xmas Northerners.

walkingbootweather

dhope wrote:

spen666 wrote:

mudcow007 wrote:

spen666 wrote:

mudcow007 wrote:

Liverpool

Newcastle

Manchester

County Durham

Yup yup, Merry Xmas Northerners.

Why thank you dhope, and on behalf of those of us from the top half of the country may I wish good tidings to those of you nearer the bottom

My last commute in today. May partake in a few beers on the way home and take the off road route back. Likely to be a few drivers out there with a similar idea so be careful peeps.

mudcow007

my chrimbo do today, so i'm hanging my Lycra up until 2012 peeps

my Mrs has told me the bike has to stay in work

i was 89 miles short of hitting my 3000 miles for the year target aswell......booo hiss