It's a CRACKER!

yer gran
yer gran Posts: 186
edited December 2011 in The bottom bracket
Decided to make xmas cracker pressies this year. I'm looking for good jokes and useless facts, which you lot should be brilliant at. Thanks in advance.

Comments

  • Redhog14
    Redhog14 Posts: 1,377
    www.google.co.uk
    @surroundedbh
  • DavidBelcher
    DavidBelcher Posts: 2,684
    yer gran wrote:
    Decided to make xmas cracker pressies this year. I'm looking for good jokes and useless facts, which you lot should be brilliant at. Thanks in advance.

    Would you be willing to accept useless jokes [1] and good facts instead? I can easily deliver on both counts. :)

    David

    [1] Might be worth giving Jack Whitehall's scriptwriters a buzz, too. ;)
    "It is not enough merely to win; others must lose." - Gore Vidal
  • nevman
    nevman Posts: 1,611
    Bloke goes into a pet shop and asks the manager

    `I want to buy a wasp`

    Manager `Sorry-we only sell pets here?`

    Bloke says `But you,ve got one in the window`

    :mrgreen:
    Whats the solution? Just pedal faster you baby.

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  • leedsmjh
    leedsmjh Posts: 196
    Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted
  • pottssteve
    pottssteve Posts: 4,069
    Man goes into a baker's shop in Glasgow and has a look around.
    Looking puzzled, he asks the shop assistant, "Is that a doughnut or a marangue?"
    "No, it's a doughnut", says the assistant.....


    Flies can taste through their feet.


    One of these is a joke - can you guess which? :)
    Head Hands Heart Lungs Legs
  • Yossie
    Yossie Posts: 2,600
    Two elephants fall off a cliff.

    Boom boom.
  • bartimaeus
    bartimaeus Posts: 1,812
    Why is an elephant big, fat and wrinkled?

    Because if it were small round and white it would be an Aspirin.
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  • blackpoolkev
    blackpoolkev Posts: 474
    pottssteve wrote:


    One of these is a joke - can you guess which? :)

    I think it's the first one or a meringue?
  • Cleat Eastwood
    Cleat Eastwood Posts: 7,508
    Man walks into a cake shop and sees the assistant with his schlong in a dessert - fella says "what are you doing?" assistant says " I'm f*cking dis-custard"
    The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns
    momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself.
  • RonB
    RonB Posts: 3,984
    Woman goes into a joke shop and asks for a double entendré so the guy behind the counter gives her one.

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