How long have I got?

alidaf
alidaf Posts: 147
edited November 2011 in Commuting chat
After struggling up a hill this morning and taking vast breaths trying to recover I managed to hoover up some insect into my lungs. I swear I can feel it flying around in there. How long do I have before I die, John Hurt in Alien style? I swear I've tasted more bugs after starting cycling than the average Thai market sells in a year. So far, no crunchy ones though but very nearly got me a dragonfly once. I nearly came off my bike with that one, it hit me in the face so hard.

Comments

  • ince
    ince Posts: 289
    I would recommend that you find a spider to swallow to catch the fly.
  • medoramas
    medoramas Posts: 202
    Inhale some Raid spray asap...
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    you should lay some flypaper on your tongue, or lay a sticky toffee on there. Then shine a light down your throat (your front light will be ideal for this, aren't you glad you're a cyclist?) The fly will be attracted to the light and fly back up, get stuck on the paper / toffee and can be safely removed.
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • alidaf
    alidaf Posts: 147
    medoramas wrote:
    Inhale some Raid spray asap...

    *cough cough*, you bastard, that's not at all tasty.

    Ha ha, that reminded me of something that happened to me as a kid in South Africa. A native kid that had been planting grass the front garden knocked on the door asking for some help. He was reluctant to talk to my mum so I went with him into the yard and he pulled down his shorts to reveal that he had lice. I didn't know what the hell to do and couldn't quite explain it to my mum gave me a can of 'Doom' to pass onto him. I did, and he returned a few moments later with a beam on his face as if he though that would do the trick. Poor kid. 'Doom' was pretty potent stuff because there's some pretty scary insect life out there. A bit like a household agent orange, I wouldn't be surprised if it was banned in most countries.
  • alidaf
    alidaf Posts: 147
    ince wrote:
    I would recommend that you find a spider to swallow to catch the fly.

    I am completely arachnophobic. I hear there's some spider egg infested bubblegum that is good though!
  • alidaf
    alidaf Posts: 147
    Kieran_Burns wrote:
    you should lay some flypaper on your tongue, or lay a sticky toffee on there. Then shine a light down your throat (your front light will be ideal for this, aren't you glad you're a cyclist?) The fly will be attracted to the light and fly back up, get stuck on the paper / toffee and can be safely removed.

    I knew the responses to this post would cheer me up. I have some Werther's Originals but the only thing it seems to have attracted is some old geezer in a jumper.
  • kelsen
    kelsen Posts: 2,003
    In all seriousness, there have been documented cases of people swallowing impregnated female insects and not digesting them properly. The eggs hatch and the larvae grow in a naturally warm moist environment and end up burrowing out through the hosts stomach.




    Source verified by my mate Dave down the pub
  • medoramas
    medoramas Posts: 202
    kelsen wrote:
    In all seriousness, there have been documented cases of people swallowing impregnated female insects and not digesting them properly. The eggs hatch and the larvae grow in a naturally warm moist environment and end up burrowing out through the hosts stomach.




    Source verified by my mate Dave down the pub
    Does it explain why most cyclists are so skinny, even that they eat for three? To feed such a big family of insects gotta be hell of a job...

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