Human Resources "people"

woodnut

Hate them.

Does anyone have any good jokes about them?

Please

Secteur

http://search.dilbert.com/comic/Hr

Redhog14

Just professional nosey bastards.

Frank the tank

Human resourses people = Oxymoron

Clank

I hate the term 'human resource'.

From Wikipedia:

A resource is a source or supply from which benefit is produced. Typically resources are materials or other assets that are transformed to produce benefit and in the process may be consumed or made unavailable.

How very true......

fnb1

with a very few exceptions, I find a lot of people in HR care more about the form being filled in rather than the well being of the employee, Place to go and hide for many that do not want to do a real job, shame as it tarnishes the rep of the few quality, caring and professional HR people out there,

bearfraser

"Human Remains"=H.R.

Yossie

Hypocritical two faced backstabbing lyin' cheatin' fascist scum.

They will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Never met a good one, believe that I never will.

And that's just for starters.

Frank the tank

It makes me smile when HR are refered to as being impartial in company disputes with an emloyee.

Excuse me, but who pays their salaries?

king_jeffers

Yossie wrote:

Hypocritical two faced backstabbing lyin' cheatin' fascist scum.

& usually hot - my kind of woman!

nottscobb

Clank wrote:

I hate the term 'human resource'.

From Wikipedia:

A resource is a source or supply from which benefit is produced. Typically resources are materials or other assets that are transformed to produce benefit and in the process may be consumed or made unavailable.

How very true......

Human resource sounds positively complimentary - At our place it is labelled Human Capital. At least as a resource it makes it sounds as if I have something to offer the company.

MichaelW

The real job of HR is to ensure that the company complies with employment law so that employees cant take them to court, hence the box-ticking. They dont even do recruitment now, that is all outsourced to agencies.
When I was being made redundant, I looked around the room and noticed that I was:
1. The lowest paid person in the room.
2. The only one with real specialist knowledge of the business.
3. The most difficult to replace.
Everyone else was a cookie-cutter middle-manager/HR dogsbody who could be found in any and every company around the UK.

UK companies hate having skilled, knowledgeable staff and would much prefer if all their staff were deskilled, replaceable drones, preferably compliant female ones.

rick_chasey

Failed headhunters


Anyone involved in the human capital side of things, recruitment, HR, whatever, they're all hated...

desweller

I know I couldn't do it. If I had to deal with all the whinging of my colleagues and all the petty moaning coming from the shop floor I'm pretty sure I would turn into a complete bastard in, ooh, 15 minutes? Maybe 30 if I'd had a really good night's sleep.

Keith1983

It's like any position or profession in a company. Some are as bad as they're made out to be on here and some are great, and ofcourse there is everywhere in between.

CrackFox

Douglas Adams wrote:

"Yes, so anyway," he resumed, "the idea was that into the first ship, the 'A' ship, would go all the brilliant leaders, the scientists, the great artists, you know, all the achievers; and into the third, or 'C' ship, would go all the people who did the actual work, who made things and did things, and then into the `B' ship - that's us - would go everyone else, the middlemen you see."

He smiled happily at them.

"And we were sent off first," he concluded, and hummed a little bathing tune.

HR execs in the B-Ark.

sheffsimon

MichaelW wrote:

The real job of HR is to ensure that the company complies with employment law so that employees cant take them to court, hence the box-ticking. They dont even do recruitment now, that is all outsourced to agencies.
When I was being made redundant, I looked around the room and noticed that I was:
1. The lowest paid person in the room.
2. The only one with real specialist knowledge of the business.
3. The most difficult to replace.
Everyone else was a cookie-cutter middle-manager/HR dogsbody who could be found in any and every company around the UK.

UK companies hate having skilled, knowledgeable staff[/b] and would much prefer if all their staff were deskilled, replaceable drones, preferably compliant female ones.

Utter bollox

Dog Breath

Not bollox !!

In my place, the staff usually had a complete overview if the whole operation from the start of the job to the conclusion.

Today, the job is compartmentalised with peaople performing a 'process' and only doing part of the job (ie a drone).

I am convinced that this is a deliberate ploy by middle managers to protect their own little empires, then if tthe staff do not have a complete knowledge of the job then they are not a threat to the manager's own positions.

DB

sheffsimon

Dog Breath wrote:

Not bollox !!

In my place, the staff usually had a complete overview if the whole operation from the start of the job to the conclusion.

Today, the job is compartmentalised with peaople performing a 'process' and only doing part of the job (ie a drone).

I am convinced that this is a deliberate ploy by middle managers to protect their own little empires, then if tthe staff do not have a complete knowledge of the job then they are not a threat to the manager's own positions.

DB

What did the company do? Not project-based work presumably?

Monty Dog

I work in HR for a FTSE 100 company. HR often have to deal with the consequences of poor management and leadership who fail to engage their people or at worst, expose their Company to potential litigation or legal redress. Fortunately most of my work is to do with strategy and policy rather than dealing with poor people management. The reasons for the tight processes and box ticking is legal compliance - we're on a hiding to nothing either way.

esspeebee

Dog Breath wrote:

In my place, the staff usually had a complete overview if the whole operation from the start of the job to the conclusion.

Today, the job is compartmentalised with peaople performing a 'process' and only doing part of the job (ie a drone).

I am convinced that this is a deliberate ploy by middle managers to protect their own little empires, then if tthe staff do not have a complete knowledge of the job then they are not a threat to the manager's own positions.

That sounds to me like a perfectly normal progression from small company to a larger one. A more rigid, compartmentalised process is much more efficient when you start to have more people and more work going through it, not to mention making it far easier to monitor progress. There's a reason why the production line is so ubiquitous in large-scale manufacturing, and there's a reason why a completely hand-built product, where one person sees the operation from beginning to end, costs so much more.

woodnut

I once had the misfortune to be sat next to a "hot desking" HR person for a few days. I wanted to murder him. He was an utter misery who only livened up when talking loudly about the discipline cases he was invloved in. I'm fairly sure at one point he had an actual erection!

lifeform

In my fifteen years in multinational corporates, I've found they tend to either be utterly vapid useless graduate airheads who look and sound quite nice but have absolutely no capability, or, they're utterly ruthless Machiavellian lunatics with the sort of moral compass that would make an African Dictator blanch. I can't remember any one of them being more than 5' 5" either.

It does seem to be a largely thankless existence though - either protecting the company from itself, dealing with recruitment consultants, or trying help complete idiots recruit more complete idiots.

Gizmodo

Although I am an IT technical trainer our team have ended up reporting to HR of a major US multinational company. We had a conference call with our new US manager and one of my colleagues sent me an IM that said:

"This is a woman who's not afraid to call a spade an exciting opportunity to leverage a holistic approach to redistribution of earth based assets in a real sense going forward."

EKIMIKE

Gizmodo wrote:

"This is a woman who's not afraid to call a spade an exciting opportunity to leverage a holistic approach to redistribution of earth based assets in a real sense going forward."

Heheh. That's a good one.

In my very limited experience i've found HR people extraordinarily useless. I'm sure there are good ones out there. It's not something i'd want to get into. I am deliberately avoiding employment law in my degree.

izzy Eviel

lifeform wrote:

In my fifteen years in multinational corporates, I've found they tend to either be utterly vapid useless graduate airheads who look and sound quite nice but have absolutely no capability, or, they're utterly ruthless Machiavellian lunatics with the sort of moral compass that would make an African Dictator blanch. I can't remember any one of them being more than 5' 5" either.

It does seem to be a largely thankless existence though - either protecting the company from itself, dealing with recruitment consultants, or trying help complete idiots recruit more complete idiots.

That is correct!

I work in HR. The reason we keep chasing people to fill forms in, is because most employees can barely spell their own names let alone anything else. You'd be amazed how clueless people are.

pilot_pete

I work in HR. The reason we keep chasing people to fill forms in, is because most employees can barely spell their own names let alone anything else. You'd be amazed how clueless people are.

You must be a real people person............ :roll:

PP

Ron Stuart

It's American and has its routes in multi-national companies (pronounced mul-tie national).
As someone who has spent a large part of my working life in such companies I can with all certainty say that the HR/Senior management verbal diarrhea is so cringe worthy it's beyond belief.
What's wrong with good old plain English? Or is there a danger that the cannon fodder in the ranks might start understanding what the hell is going on in the company and want to leave?
They were often referred to as Human Remains or (what’s left after all the good has been taken out), like the staffs interests then replaced with shareholder value.
So, so glad I’m retired and away from it now.
:?