Death Wish XXXIIV: New Generation.

MichaelW

Saw a spectacular wipeout by a kid who couldnt have been more than 6years old.

2 older kids came down a hill to a T junction at the bottom, doing a bit of showing off but they both braked.
The poor kid behind thought he would show off so came screaming down the small road and rode without looking or stopping over the T junction, swooping a wide left turn onto the wrong side of the road, then smack into a parked motorbike.

Owch.

Unfortunately it happened too quickly to whip out my phone camera and claim £200 from Harry Hill.

Time to recall your youthful indiscretions.

Crapaud

Hairing down a relatively busy hill, my brakes failed in the wet. I had 2 options: head into the gap between parked cars and moving traffic or aim for the back of a parked Transit van. I opted for a kind of headlong bodycheck into the back of the van - the other option had a far greater probability of instant, mangled death.

McBain_v1

Shouldn't it be

"Deathwish XXXVII" :?:

lifeform

Sunday morning paper round, mid-80s, weighed down with my own body weight in Sunday supplements. On my pink Raleigh Mustang... the spiritual successor to the HGV known as the Grifter.

Mech is acting up, cycling along at about 15mph looking down at the gears trying to get it sur la plaque, when I cycled clean into the back of a parked car. A Citroen 19 brick shaped thing if I recall correctly.

Clouted me plums on the stem, smashed my face on the back of the car, then almost decapitated myself as both paper bags (slung over each shoulder, crossing at the chest) came forwards and then obeyed the laws of physics and slide sideways.

To my eternal disgust the Citroen was completely unmarked.

Yossie

1989, I was Kevin Scwantz meets Greg Lemond.

Pedalling back from buying first moto - sickle, I thought to myself that I didn't need to replace the brake pads on my Peugeot Premiere as I was now the proud owner of a 50 and I could put the £6 or whatever the pads would cost me towards a new "power pipe".

Straight into the back of a lorry carrying a full load of scaffold poles, excruciatingly painful shoulder injury, perfectly round bruise.

Quite surreal.

Cycling home two days later with a friend, discussing how to hold the throttle open on same said moto - sickle while pointing with right hand, I take my right hand off the handlebars and replace with left hand: bars immediatly turn 90 degrees inwards flipping me into a gutter, landing on same said aforementioned shoulder. More pain.

Three days later, into the same gutter on the same shoulder after trying to push same friend into a parked car because he gave me a dead shoulder.

Kieran_Burns

First time I rode a bike.

My two elder brother were teaching me how to ride my very first bike... basically by aiming me down the hill we lived on and pushing.

As I'm hurtling down the hill at light bending speeds (it bleeding well felt like it!) I shouted to my brothers

"How do I STOP??!!!??"
"Use the brakes!" they cried
"What are the brakes?????" I shouted back.

WHUMP!

Straight into the back of a stationary Mk1 Jag. Up over the handlebars to gracefully slide down the boot.

Nuggs

Cycling along the pavement on my Raleigh Mustang. Football tucked under one arm. Hit a hole in the pavement and sailed straight over the bars. As I still had hold of the football, I didn't manage to put my hands out. I ended up using my face as a brake.

Made it to my mate's house. He opened the door and just burst into tears. I was not a pretty sight!

Blacktemplar

Riding down a slope on my Raleigh Chopper (the shame of it :oops: ) into the school playing field which was surrounded by green chainlink fence. Heading for the gap that had been opened up between two posts, I thought standing up in the saddle would be a good way to avoid the shock at the bottom. What it didn't do was help me avoid the top stringer wire which was still in place and caught me on the bridge of the nose. Cue spectacular backflip out of saddle and badly broken nose (still lumpy & squint to this day)

Same chopper, different day - have you ever tried bumping up onto a high kerb on one of them thar feckers? I did, and got stitches on the back of my skull for my trouble.

Trying to "go aero" on my Puch racer aged 14 (elbows draped over handlebars) - hit pothole (I think, still no memory of it 35 years later) at about 30mph, end up with amusing road rash (one shoulder friction burned to bone) and concussion plus 14 stitches to the scalp and a torn-out nostril. If only I'd been wearing a helmet.....

Aged about 5 - I think - a "friend" decided it would be amusing to stick an erm... stick through my front spokes. After a brief flight into a low hedge, I stopped rather suddenly on an iron fence pole hidden in the foliage - sizeable hole in skin, narrowly avoided losing a nipple.

Lots of other scrapes/falls/crashes over the years, it's a miracle I made it to adulthood really.

inkyfingers

Riding to work years ago I got all out of shape on a patch of wet leaves on a descent, hit the curb, came off and slid along the pavement on my front before being brought to a swift stop by my head hitting a brick wallwall. Luckily I was wearing a helmet but I still must have been in shock as assured a passing driver who had seen me crash that I was fine and didn't need a lift to hospital. Promptly got back on my bike and rode the last mile or so to work, walked in the door and the first person to see me screamed and almost fainted, I was literally covered in blood, torn clothers, very little skin left on my knees and left arm. Having had a hot cup of tea was finally talked into to going to hospital for a check up.

UncleFred

Things I have learnt:

Choppers don't jump very well.
Strikers should not be ridden down very steep hills on the local moto -x track
Strikers also don't jump very well.
Don't hold the front brake in whilst doing a wheelie, you go over the bars. Into a Granite wall. Headfirst. Then have to go to the hospital. Where they put stitches in your head.
Raleigh Mustangs don't jump particulaly well.
Raleigh Arena's jump really well. They just don't land very well.
Hire cars stop suddenly. Especially near tourist attractions. When you are drafting them.
Raleigh Burners Jump, wheelie, bunny hop, endo, ride down steep moto-x tracks really well. The ability of the bike outweighed my ability to do any of the above with crashing, several times.
The game of "shoulder barge your mates" should not be played on a public road.

MichaelW

I once pedalled my tricycle (aged 4) up the stairs, not for the first time. My brother had adjusted the length for him so it was a bit different this time. I flipped back onto a stone floor and cracked my head. Doctors, stitches, etc.


Not me but someone was eating an ice cream on their bike. Went over a bump and the ice cream bounced out of the cone, onto the handlebar/stem. They bent down to lick it off, hit another bump and lost all their front teeth.

Ben6899

I'll have a think of my "best" ones, but for now I am reminded of the Patrice Evra lookalike in Dijon... hurtling downhill on a moped on the opposite arm of the crossroads. We're at red as cars travel right to left so I'm thinking he should be too. Then he realises, hits the anchors and cue a massive speed wobble, scared expression, massive stack and a limping French fullback! I had to wait for the next green as I was laughing so hard!

lvquestpaddler

My first 50cc bike was a BSA Beaver, classic British pile o crap and it was 1985. One day heard this noise like when you put playing cards on the seat stays of your pushbike, coming from the front end. The heavy chrome mudguard had come slightly loose and being heavier at the back was rubbing on the tyre(there were meant to be two bolts on either fork leg, it was now one each side as I later found out...).
I was getting fed up with the noise and leaned over and pushed the front of the mudguard rather too hard in my annoyance, and the bent over metal lip (at both ends but not an issue at the other end) dug into the tyre and stopped the bike dead chucking me over the bars then landing on me...I couldn't breathe for about ten seconds totally winded, picked myself up so embarrassed I kept the helmet on then headed home!

mattshrops

McBain_v1 wrote:

Shouldn't it be

"Deathwish XXXVII" :?:

or XXXIII