Cycling vs. Family

Cannon71

Last November, a friend said he was going to do the London Triathlon on 31/7/11. I'd always fancied a go at tri, so I said I'd enter too. then for some silly reason, I set myself the target of sub 2hr30...

So, having 9months to train, I got Joe Friel's Tri Bible (after having read the 1st half of his Cycling Bible!), read that and implemented as much as I could. I 'only' managed an average of 5hr14m of training a week but I got 2hr27m. Goal achieved, right?!

Here's the problem: I loved competing and the fitness it brought. I told myself that as I hated running, and training for tri was a huge drain on my time AND we had our first baby in April, I would not conitnue with the triathlon (as I wanted to spend more time at home and so would never beat my 2hr27m). After battling with my personal competitiveness, I actually managed to move myself away from entering more tri's...

Something had to replace it though. I love cycling, so much so that I'd like to do a proper 'race season' next year, like the Fred Whitton, the local crits and The Marmotte. Obviously, this hasn't gone down to well at home...

So, what does one do? Talking about my cycling ambitions is not exactly the most interesting dinner conversation, and I know she'd rather I trained less and planned fewer events.

Family first. I get that, and my son is becoming quite a character so I find myself more and more distracted by his demeanour! But I STILL want to do these events, 'milestones' if you will.

At 33, I know one can still do the big events well into your 50's, but my prime is NOW!

So, what're the wisdom of my predecessors (as I doubt I'm the only one to have come across this conundrum!)?!

morstar

No easy answer, but I think you knew that already.
I suppose a big part of it depends on what level of activity you have had throughout your relationship with your partner. If you've been together years without having me time then you're changing the pattern of the relationship at a time when she is expecting more family time. A difficult task.
If you have always had you time for your hobbies and have already compromised for the little one then maybe she is being unreasonable.
Only you can decide, your little one only has one childhood.
I'd suggest agreeing some sort of routine between you and the mrs. Start doing some anti-social hours training if you want to do everything. I do quite a lot of riding in the dark as the kids have pretty full early evening schedules. It's a ball ache but at least I get to ride.

Cannon71

I like that, morstar, thanks.

I think I fall into the latter category. I stay away from home 2 nights a week with work, so I use those days to train. I'm content with my level of training, but training isn't the fun bit - competing is. And therein lies the problem: competitions tend to be at weekends, when I should be 'at home'. Couple that with the fact that competitions tend to take up at least half a day and I find myself able to train, just not able to do anything with it.

Thanks again though, I appreciate the input!

markos1963

If competition is your main motivation then why not target just a few events that you and your partner agree on and really train hard then to achieve a far bigger result than you might have gone for. I know it's putting all your eggs into one basket as such but it might be a way out.

BeaconRuth

Cannon71 wrote:

At 33, I know one can still do the big events well into your 50's, but my prime is NOW!

I don't mean to belittle the type of events you'd like to do but you don't exactly need to be in your 'prime' to ride them. In no sense whatsoever are you running out of time - it's not as though you're running out of time in your bid to win the TdF or even become an elite road racer. You're talking mainly about training for and riding challenge events which you can do - and do well - any time in the next 30-40 years.

Your little lad is only going to be little once and then that's it. If I was in your shoes I'd agree on one must-do event, train for that, enjoy it, perhaps find a way that it could be incorporated into a family weekend away or similar............. and then enjoy family life for the rest of the time.

Give your son 5 or 6 years and then maybe he'll want to go racing on his bike and you can get him involved in a Go-Ride club, take him to events where he can do his race and you can do yours................. years of fun ahead on a bike WITH him!

Ruth

mrushton

Cycling or family? Does the cycling generate the income or is it a hobby? if the latter then you need to consider what to do. Give up work, look after the child and compete at weekends? You could go to a Velodrome and compete their as the time is less. Cycling is v.selfish in terms of time. What you won't get back is your sons growing up. We have a 10 month old and both myself and my partner cycle. She is spectacularly fast on the flat and on the track and before she had the baby there had been discussions that she could go a lot further on the track in terms of development. However, she wanted a family more and so has set her hobby to one side to concentrate on the baby. Long days out aren't really feasible. You could do the Marmotte as part of a family holiday. We cycled in Italy this year, taking alternate days each to ride, the other days doing the childcare

Mark Bom

There is no answer to this, some dads do what they want, some devote themselves to the family, and some try and juggle and find a balance.

It's difficult when the kids are little but in a blink of an eye they'll be less dependant and suddenly you find that you have a bit if extra time. It's important to be a good dad, but also to find time for yourself.

neilo23

Just out of interest, what does your missus say about the whole thing?

You would envy my life. Work about 30 minutes a day, no family and earn a living. I'm sure that will all change one day and I'll be asking a similar question to yours :-)

usedtobefast

Cycling is your hobby, it won't pay the bills so your first priority is to your family. Sounds like you're already doing partly the right thing by training when you're away from home. As others have said here target one big event in a year which you agree with your wife and train towards that and ensure she understands that the training will include time away from the home riding at weekends. Alternatively agree with her to race one event a month and treat the whole thing as a day out (and hope for good weather).

Homer J

Family is everything, cycling is just a way of getting away from them

Stoo48

^+1 For sure, though I have started Tri's this year, my kids are older which makes life easier...

Tom Butcher

Some partners just don't get cycling. Sounds to me like you are being reasonable but your wife isn't. If she is that bothered she can take the baby along to watch you race, turn the sportives into a weekend away etc.

My partner runs marathons and goes abroad to race them with her mates - can't see the problem.

As for kids only having one childhood - true - but it lasts about 18 years! Anyone that tells you kids become less demanding of your time in a few years either doesn't have kids or at least doesn't have kids like mine.

get on your bike

Fine balance. Be a full on dad when you around. Organise your night/s to do your training during de week when kids in bed.

mouth

My missus has a problem with me doing "pointless" miles and spending hours away from home for not a lot of gain, so as for training I've managed to try and incorporate miles into something useful. Since we only have one car this is a little easier. Fir instance when I went to my Mum's for dinner the other day I went the "long way" on my bike - there was a purpose at the end of it. Essentially guilt free mileage. Snap for commuting.

Find her a hobby and be generous with her in allowing her to do it.

Another point - Some people go out of a weekend and P*** £70-80 up a wall regularly, as well as going to the match, buying computer games etc. At least cycling is good for you. Should help with some justification.

As others have said, try to make events a family thing as well as being selective and focussing training on only 2 or 3 per year.

Frank the tank

Your family must come first.

Think of this. If you end up p1ss1ng the mrs off to the extent she goes her own way how do you think that may impact on your training schedule?

Apart from that you have a youngster that want/needs you about dads are very inffluential in their childs character development. They're not youngsters very long and you already put a lot of time in at work. I would cut down on the number of events targeted so a good life/work/my time balance is easier to achieve.

I love cycling but I'd be prepared to die for my mrs and children.

Cannon71

Wow, what a response - pat on the back to all of you! Cheers guys & gals...

The main issue is my obsessive nature I suppose: I did well at the London Tri and really enjoy being this fit, so I wanted to keep it up and see how far this 'potential' could get me. Like I said though; talking about all of this leads to a defensive wife! (Add to that a few glasses of wine on Friday night and there's an emotional husband to deal with too!)

I don't follow football, rugby or cricket and have never been a 'lager-lout / pi55head' so always thought I was very reasonable with my time & outgoings. I put this forward as justification, but I understand that my wife has to look after a child for 95% of the working-week. She deserves a break at the weekends, so talking about my wanting to 'go out with the chain gang' or the 4hr Sunday Ride is not appreciated.

I can see the theme here though - "plan a couple of events for the year rather than a whole bunch of things." I like that, so I'll leave the Marmotte until 2013 and stick to the Terrex & Fred Whitton for 2012, maybe a couple of ad-hoc crits/TTs sprinkled around for good measure. :P

Thanks agin BR! Smiles to all.

Jason82

get your Wife and child into cycling that way you have best of both worlds and your child might be an olympic champion one day.

keef66

@ neilo23

"You would envy my life. Work about 30 minutes a day"

Student perhaps??

neilo23

keef66 wrote:

@ neilo23

"You would envy my life. Work about 30 minutes a day"

Student perhaps??

Ha! That was 20 years ago. Publican. Don't work behind the bars anymore so just do paperwork and have meetings with reps and the like. However, I haven't been able to go away on holiday for 2 years...
Would have been useful to have been me now in my student days :-)

markos1963

neilo23 wrote:

keef66 wrote:

@ neilo23

"You would envy my life. Work about 30 minutes a day"

Student perhaps??

Ha! That was 20 years ago. Publican. Don't work behind the bars anymore so just do paperwork and have meetings with reps and the like. However, I haven't been able to go away on holiday for 2 years...
Would have been useful to have been me now in my student days :-)

Isn't being a publican a lifestyle choice?

neilo23

markos1963 wrote:

neilo23 wrote:

keef66 wrote:

@ neilo23

"You would envy my life. Work about 30 minutes a day"

Student perhaps??

Ha! That was 20 years ago. Publican. Don't work behind the bars anymore so just do paperwork and have meetings with reps and the like. However, I haven't been able to go away on holiday for 2 years...
Would have been useful to have been me now in my student days :-)

Isn't being a publican a lifestyle choice?

There's a German expression (where I am) which rhymes in German, but it basically translates as "He who will do nothing with his life will end up being a pub landlord". ;-)