God Botherer's 2 - The sequel
One Man And His Bike
Posts: 661
DD and I were laying in bed having a relaxing Saturday morning.
(OK, she was tied to the bed and blindfolded but we consider that a relaxing state to be in...)
Next thing the dogs start barking and the front door goes...
I look at DD then notice she can't see the look on my face, so I jump up and tell her I will be right back, throw on a pair of shorts and head down the stairs, put the dogs in the kitchen and open the door with that sinking feeling at the shapes I can see through the frosted glass.
We had mentioned the previous evening with the latest incident in Norway how long it would be before we would get another visit from some God botherer's so I was kind of smirking as I opened the door.
Low and behold, older guy in a suit holding an already open magazine and a younger guy with a pram and a sprog in it, I just rolled my eyes and waited for it.
The older guy immediately sprang into his "Oh, so you opened the door, you must want battering with the words of the Lord" approach and greeted me a good morning, I reply with a hi, the guy behind with the pram looks me up and down, noting I am in a pair of shorts only and looking somewhat ahem, flustered and sporting some trouser tent action.
Old guy is already up and running and about to hit his stride asking me if I had a faith, I reply that the household is Atheist. Now credit where it is due, this guy didn't miss a heartbeat, not even blink before he looked me deep in the eyes and asked "Do you not have a belief?" and following on from his example of taking the bull by the horns and firing out a reply I simply state "Yes, Atheism" matching his cool long stare with one of my own, but only after I give the pram pushing guy a look to see his reaction.
The look on pram pushers face is epic and I mean truly epic, he's rolling his eyes and I swear I could see him willing the floor to open up beneath him and swallow him, pram and old guy as fast as is possible if a deity or elected Omnipotent presence was listening to his prayer, either that or he really wanted to do a double face palm...
Old guy is now stumbling a little, he licks his lips, his beady little eyes now shifting from the cold hard stare of one who has unshakable belief standing on one of the earth's fault lines and can feel things shifting a little.
He recovers well and decides to swoop in with a killing blow "So how do you feel the current state of the world will work out" he challenges, I draw my Sabre and parry his advance "Natural progression, if it's meant to happen it's going to" I then look at him as that sinks in and before he has chance to open his mouth inform them "I am actually busy" and make sure they both notice me looking down at the trouser tent still holding position at base camp.
Pram guy is already doing a fast U-Turn turning a satisfying shade of Crimson and old guys bottom lip is wobbling slightly.
I close the door with a little more force than is really required, slip the bolt on and thunder back up the stairs to carry on the motion....
(OK, she was tied to the bed and blindfolded but we consider that a relaxing state to be in...)
Next thing the dogs start barking and the front door goes...
I look at DD then notice she can't see the look on my face, so I jump up and tell her I will be right back, throw on a pair of shorts and head down the stairs, put the dogs in the kitchen and open the door with that sinking feeling at the shapes I can see through the frosted glass.
We had mentioned the previous evening with the latest incident in Norway how long it would be before we would get another visit from some God botherer's so I was kind of smirking as I opened the door.
Low and behold, older guy in a suit holding an already open magazine and a younger guy with a pram and a sprog in it, I just rolled my eyes and waited for it.
The older guy immediately sprang into his "Oh, so you opened the door, you must want battering with the words of the Lord" approach and greeted me a good morning, I reply with a hi, the guy behind with the pram looks me up and down, noting I am in a pair of shorts only and looking somewhat ahem, flustered and sporting some trouser tent action.
Old guy is already up and running and about to hit his stride asking me if I had a faith, I reply that the household is Atheist. Now credit where it is due, this guy didn't miss a heartbeat, not even blink before he looked me deep in the eyes and asked "Do you not have a belief?" and following on from his example of taking the bull by the horns and firing out a reply I simply state "Yes, Atheism" matching his cool long stare with one of my own, but only after I give the pram pushing guy a look to see his reaction.
The look on pram pushers face is epic and I mean truly epic, he's rolling his eyes and I swear I could see him willing the floor to open up beneath him and swallow him, pram and old guy as fast as is possible if a deity or elected Omnipotent presence was listening to his prayer, either that or he really wanted to do a double face palm...
Old guy is now stumbling a little, he licks his lips, his beady little eyes now shifting from the cold hard stare of one who has unshakable belief standing on one of the earth's fault lines and can feel things shifting a little.
He recovers well and decides to swoop in with a killing blow "So how do you feel the current state of the world will work out" he challenges, I draw my Sabre and parry his advance "Natural progression, if it's meant to happen it's going to" I then look at him as that sinks in and before he has chance to open his mouth inform them "I am actually busy" and make sure they both notice me looking down at the trouser tent still holding position at base camp.
Pram guy is already doing a fast U-Turn turning a satisfying shade of Crimson and old guys bottom lip is wobbling slightly.
I close the door with a little more force than is really required, slip the bolt on and thunder back up the stairs to carry on the motion....
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Comments
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Nicely done !!!!!!!!
Cervelo S5 Ultegra Di2.0 -
:P"Coming through..."0
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I never get them coming to mine!
It sucks. Religious arguments are so easy to de-construct I reckon I might enjoy it! Lol. Probably gets old quickly though. 0 -
Never get this problem, my house is behind an 8 foot barb wire fence and the only entrance is guarded 24 hrs a day by armed guards. More than enough to put even the most committed religious zealot off.0
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pan trash wrote:Never get this problem, my house is behind an 8 foot barb wire fence and the only entrance is guarded 24 hrs a day by armed guards. More than enough to put even the most committed religious zealot off.
Does your 'house' also have an exercise yard and a toilet in your 'bedroom'?Twitter: @RichN950 -
Cool story, bro!Ben
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NIIIIICCCEEEEEEE !
Except for the info on the trouser tent department !Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved0 -
There was a girl at school who's family were God Botherers, I think they witnessed something Jehovah did. They annoying thing is, she was one of the best looking girls in my year so sort off forbidden territory unless you wanted to sign up.I've added a signature to prove it is still possible.0
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One Man And His Bike wrote:DD and I were laying in bed having a relaxing Saturday morning.
(OK, she was tied to the bed and blindfolded but we consider that a relaxing state to be in...)
Next thing the dogs start barking and the front door goes...
I look at DD then notice she can't see the look on my face, so I jump up and tell her I will be right back, throw on a pair of shorts and head down the stairs, put the dogs in the kitchen and open the door with that sinking feeling at the shapes I can see through the frosted glass.
We had mentioned the previous evening with the latest incident in Norway how long it would be before we would get another visit from some God botherer's so I was kind of smirking as I opened the door.
Low and behold, older guy in a suit holding an already open magazine and a younger guy with a pram and a sprog in it, I just rolled my eyes and waited for it.
The older guy immediately sprang into his "Oh, so you opened the door, you must want battering with the words of the Lord" approach and greeted me a good morning, I reply with a hi, the guy behind with the pram looks me up and down, noting I am in a pair of shorts only and looking somewhat ahem, flustered and sporting some trouser tent action.
Old guy is already up and running and about to hit his stride asking me if I had a faith, I reply that the household is Atheist. Now credit where it is due, this guy didn't miss a heartbeat, not even blink before he looked me deep in the eyes and asked "Do you not have a belief?" and following on from his example of taking the bull by the horns and firing out a reply I simply state "Yes, Atheism" matching his cool long stare with one of my own, but only after I give the pram pushing guy a look to see his reaction.
The look on pram pushers face is epic and I mean truly epic, he's rolling his eyes and I swear I could see him willing the floor to open up beneath him and swallow him, pram and old guy as fast as is possible if a deity or elected Omnipotent presence was listening to his prayer, either that or he really wanted to do a double face palm...
Old guy is now stumbling a little, he licks his lips, his beady little eyes now shifting from the cold hard stare of one who has unshakable belief standing on one of the earth's fault lines and can feel things shifting a little.
He recovers well and decides to swoop in with a killing blow "So how do you feel the current state of the world will work out" he challenges, I draw my Sabre and parry his advance "Natural progression, if it's meant to happen it's going to" I then look at him as that sinks in and before he has chance to open his mouth inform them "I am actually busy" and make sure they both notice me looking down at the trouser tent still holding position at base camp.
Pram guy is already doing a fast U-Turn turning a satisfying shade of Crimson and old guys bottom lip is wobbling slightly.
I close the door with a little more force than is really required, slip the bolt on and thunder back up the stairs to carry on the motion....
I am obviously the only one who thinks this is one of the most tragic posts seen on here for some time.
What the f~ck is going on?
Forgive me, I've been away from here for a little while but am interested to read of these implied events. 'one man and his bike' 'diesel dog'? or some other bike?
Perhaps I'm getting the wrong end of the stick. Whatever happened to Flashheart? Were he and Miss Dog not supposed to be having some type of 'relationship'? Or was this all before someone called 'the addict' showed up and claimed he was having some type of 'relationship' with Miss Dog?
Now our resident clown and bibshort fetishist appears to be staking some type of claim on the dog.
Apologies if I seem a little too interested. But it's hard not to be interested in people who go out of their way in airing all their washing on a public forum. I actually worried about flashheart when all the previous debacle was going on. It did not take a psychologist to see that he was in a really rather dark place and frankly I don't think certain individuals on here did him any favours.
Doesn't 'one man and h.....etc' make regular reference to his wife in his posts and on his blog also?
So,
What the f@ck is going on?
None of my business at all really. But interesting, none the less.0 -
redvee wrote:There was a girl at school who's family were God Botherers, I think they witnessed something Jehovah did. They annoying thing is, she was one of the best looking girls in my year so sort off forbidden territory unless you wanted to sign up.
I knew one or two people like that: popular, attractive, highly religeous without a sense of inquisition. I used to enjoy messing with their heads, tbh.
As to door knockers, we just let them stand there. If they dont get the message from the card on the door its their time they waste.0 -
jim453 wrote:I am obviously the only one who thinks this is one of the most tragic posts seen on here for some time.
Nah, that would be the one you just posted, as it's a really bad attempt at flame bait and trolling. 0 -
well done One Man...a most enjoyable read! We managed to get rid of some god botherers who were downstairs knocking on the gate. Our 2 dogs were barking ferociously at them,we simply yelled out "Down Satan, down Devil"....0
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Good god you are far too polite. I just tell to eff off most times .....0
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blueheeler wrote:well done One Man...a most enjoyable read!
Cheers, nice to know someone enjoys a tongue in cheek post. =]giant mancp wrote:Good god you are far too polite. I just tell to eff off most times .....
If I could get away with placing Claymore mines in the garden and on the path leading to the front door and using them on them I would, sadly I got told off for that once and had to promise never to play with them again. :evil:0
