Rental Units, Weddings GRRRRRR

Kaise

right can someone please supply some advice on this please

Me and Miss K and getting married in 1 year (this saturday). We aren't religious in anyway and are having a humanist ceremony as getting married in a church seems to be a bit hypocritical, (but that’s just our thoughts on the matter), and our wedding day is going to be held on miss k’s families farmer in somerset (Cider and hog roast).

Whats the problem then? I hear you cry

Me and miss k understand that the legal side of marriage is important, even though we both believe its about us and what we want, and making promises to each other. So we are going to go to a registry office on the Friday and get married, but we will have strangers as witnesses and no friends or family there. We want this to just be a paperwork thing as we want our wedding day to be the day we make promises to each other in front of our friends and family where it means something to both of us and not in a sh1te room in Bristol.

All good so far, then comes my dad stirring it up;

Apparently my mum is upset that she wont be at the registry office as that is when we get “married”. Mrs K(mother) hasn’t said anything to me about this as I know she is probably too polite to say anything. But what do I do if she feels this way. It means we will end up having to invite a load of other people, sisters, miss k’s family etc to the registry office, which will then devalue what we believe to be our Actual Wedding.

FFS why are families always so complicated about this shizzle, can they not just be happy with what we want to do??

Your thoughts please………….

Gazlar

My mate dropped a bombshell this week, he got married, in his cons with nobody around, but I thought how cool that was, just him, his Mrs and the bab.

Are you going to have a party or owt? could you have some kind of sham ceremony at that if you felt it was going to be too much to avoid?

My true advice is its you pairs day, it should be exactly about what you pair want, nobody else. this is why I dislike weddings, other than the cost its everyone else that disapproves of one thing about it or the other.

Failing that you know the score with ditches etc

ricardo_smooth

Or just say purely parents only to be withesses and everyone else can celebrate with us at the party/reception....end of.

Remember regardless of how us blokes feel it's most mother's 'dream' to see thier children get married and have their own children.

foxc_uk

I think in that situation, I'd invite the parentals on both sides along just for the regsitry.
Anyone else that then wants to get in on the act tell them what you've told us. simples.

I would love to be able to have a wedding (non religious though), but having major family issues means it will never happen. Probably just end up eloping and getting married at the top of a mountain, or on a beach or something.

spongtastic

kaiser83 wrote:

right can someone please supply some advice on this please

Me and Miss K and getting married in 1 year (this saturday). We aren't religious in anyway and are having a humanist ceremony as getting married in a church seems to be a bit hypocritical, (but that’s just our thoughts on the matter), and our wedding day is going to be held on miss k’s families farmer in somerset (Cider and hog roast).

Whats the problem then? I hear you cry

Me and miss k understand that the legal side of marriage is important, even though we both believe its about us and what we want, and making promises to each other. So we are going to go to a registry office on the Friday and get married, but we will have strangers as witnesses and no friends or family there. We want this to just be a paperwork thing as we want our wedding day to be the day we make promises to each other in front of our friends and family where it means something to both of us and not in a sh1te room in Bristol.

All good so far, then comes my dad stirring it up;

Apparently my mum is upset that she wont be at the registry office as that is when we get “married”. Mrs K(mother) hasn’t said anything to me about this as I know she is probably too polite to say anything. But what do I do if she feels this way. It means we will end up having to invite a load of other people, sisters, miss k’s family etc to the registry office, which will then devalue what we believe to be our Actual Wedding.

FFS why are families always so complicated about this shizzle, can they not just be happy with what we want to do??

Your thoughts please………….

Easy one.

Who's paying?

If they all want to attend the registry, tell them they can but you're not paying, it won't devalue the day for you.

Me and mrs spong did the same, didn't want all the crap surrounding a church wedding, just wanted a huge party. MiL went off on one. I reminded her that I had to pay for the lot. She soon STFU. They all ended up attending the registry which kept them happy, then we had one hell of a party, including cake fight.

Kaise

Gazlar wrote:

Are you going to have a party or owt? could you have some kind of sham ceremony at that if you felt it was going to be too much to avoid?

yeah this is the thing, we are having a humanist ceremony on the saturday, 120(ish) people for hog roasts and stuff and then a load of people in the evening, all held in 3 huge tipis

[/quote]

Kaise

the problem is i dont want people at the registry, the MiL is fine with it, its my mother that is apparently the problem.

I love how my dad has brought it up and not my mum though, i would never impose on my childrens weddings, they can do it how ever they like, i would just like to be at what they consider to be the most important part.

Gazlar

kaiser83 wrote:

Gazlar wrote:

Are you going to have a party or owt? could you have some kind of sham ceremony at that if you felt it was going to be too much to avoid?

yeah this is the thing, we are having a humanist ceremony on the saturday, 120(ish) people for hog roasts and stuff and then a load of people in the evening, all held in 3 huge tipis

[/quote]

So they are attending what you regard as the wedding, what they aren't attending is what to you is no more than the signing of a joint mortgage or entering into an interest free credit deal together at dfs in so much that its a little bit of legal paperwork and thats it? At the end of the day mate its your day, to be done how you want. Ok I presume capacity wise its no issue getting parents and maybe very immediate family in but its not how you picture it. Whatever you decide, honest and calm with emphasis on the fact that the humanist ceremony is what you truly believe to be your wedding day

Clank

Tell your Mum to make like the Cravendale kitty and 'jog on'.

t0pc4t

I'm going to go out on a limb here and disagree.

It is your day and so if something is hugely important to you then by all means stick to your guns.

But, weddings are about families and they may get offended about things you'd not considered important.

=I can see how you'd risk offending people about them not being at the wedding if a small subset of people get invited to the registry office but if it was just your mum I can't see how other people could take that as a sign they were not included.

Were it me, I'd let my mum come to the wedding and explain to my dad that it was to appease her. Then I'd mention to him that I knew he understood my feelings on the 'real' day being the day after and knew he wouldn't mind not coming to the registry office.

That way noone can say you've excluded them if your mum but not your dad is there and your mum is happy.

It is, first and foremost, about your and your other half but the worst thing in a world is a wedding where there's resentment kicking around. If you can accede to what your mum wants without feeling like you've let yourself down or wronged anyone else then I'd be inclined to take the path of least resistance.

I say this because it allows you to save time and energy for the really big fights such as guest list and seating plan.

Kaise

i know its about family, but it is definately more about me and miss k than it is about my mother. Part of me thinks its my dad thats miffed about it but he is hiding behind the "your mother....".

My mum is far too polite to say anything as she will know what the actual day means to us.

Its a tricky one, going to speak to my mum later and just lay down what we are planning and then go from there, obviously if she wants to come to the registry office we have a problem as then it does open a can of worms.

I'm tempted to just not do the legal paperwork boll*cks but i know it is the thing that helps with mortgages etc.

its got me properly wound up, and it shouldnt do, they brought me up to respect other peoples wishes and stuff, thats all i am asking of them.....

t0pc4t

weddings will wind you up, but it's worth it when the day comes round.

Do mortgages discriminate against people not married in law? I can't recall it ever having been discussed and we got our first few when we lived together.

I wondered if it was your dad stirring which I why I suggested you let your mum come and he stays away, but then that kind of gamesmanship got me into a lot of trouble in the run up to my wedding.

With everything, keep focused on your and your wife to be having a brilliant day with all your friends, try not to let the stress and petty arguments get you down, you'll have forgotten them all before the speeches start I guarantee it.

Super Nuts4fsr

1st time I got married, it happened quickly and the parents weren't there.

They were Gutted.

Are you the first child to get married? If so, I would suggest that you consider your parents wishes in this.

I am getting married next year too. So I feel your situation. We're doing the church thing though. That's what my fiancee wants, so she will have it.

She is Damned hot, and a wonderful person, so she gets what she wants.


And no, you can't have Pix.

Kaise

sorry but you know how it works POIDH!!

so i just spoke meine mutter, and she understand exactly what we are doing and why we are doing it, and she has our full blessing on it. Apparently it is my dad who has got the problem but he hasnt got the kahunnas to tell me to my face that its him who is worried we are getting married without him.

mild panic over!

t0pc4t

I had the same with the father in law, he was having a ruck with me via our respective partners, got messy that did

all sorted now though

Super Nuts4fsr

No, no Pix. Nicklouse, kitty, Sirhc and a couple of others are on my Facebook and can confirm her awesomeness.

.blitz

Went to a wedding a few years ago, the reception was held in a kind of mini-Kew Gardens, lots of glass & plants etc.

There was some friction between the bride & groom's families and anyway after a few pints somebody asked somebody else what they were looking at and it all kicked off.

Most people were too p*ssed to fight there was lots of rolling around on the floor and the ladies were pulling one another's hair

The police came and broke it up

Kaise

Super Nuts4fsrT wrote:

No, no Pix. Nicklouse, kitty, Sirhc and a couple of others are on my Facebook and can confirm her awesomeness.

thats fair enough that is, but i was referring to

Super Nuts4fsrT wrote:

I feel your situation

as you defintely didnt feel my "situation" :shock:

Anonymous

Its' your wedding, Do whatever the hell you want, and to hell with the parents. They have (presumably) already had their chance at getting married.

Kitty

yeehaamcgee wrote:

Its' your wedding, Do whatever the hell you want, and to hell with the parents. They have (presumably) already had their chance at getting married.

This.

DCR00

kaiser83 wrote:

All good so far, then comes my dad stirring it up;

Apparently my mum is upset that she wont be at the registry office as that is when we get “married”. Mrs K(mother) hasn’t said anything to me about this as I know she is probably too polite to say anything. But what do I do if she feels this way. It means we will end up having to invite a load of other people, sisters, miss k’s family etc to the registry office, which will then devalue what we believe to be our Actual Wedding.

FFS why are families always so complicated about this shizzle, can they not just be happy with what we want to do??

Your thoughts please………….

Your Mum sounds like a right b*tch. Imagine getting upset that she cant go to her Son's wedding. Jesus.....

Just invite immediate family. Its not like it will cost you anything and you wont upset anyone important.

DIESELDOG

yeehaamcgee wrote:

Its' your wedding, Do whatever the hell you want, and to hell with the parents. They have (presumably) already had their chance at getting married.

This.

My next one, (working on it already), will probably involve a reception at KFC and pizza hut. The first was a register office do followed by pub and arse slapping contests.

Love n hugs

DD

thekickingmule

Is it not possibly to get your signing of the register to be done the morning of your huge party? That way, you get up, you and parents get the legal stuff out of the way, then all of you drive over to the other place for a big knees up.

I'd try that personally.

Briggo

Just kill your mum off, then add the dad to the hitlist and you'll benefit from a quiet 'wedding' plus inheritance money.

Win win.

:P

Kaise

its all sorted now, nobody has a problem with it now they actually understand what me and missk want so its all good!

welshkev

DCR00 wrote:

Your Mum sounds like a right b*tch. Imagine getting upset that she cant go to her Son's wedding. Jesus.....

Just invite immediate family. Its not like it will cost you anything and you wont upset anyone important.

but it's not what they want....

my bro gotr married abroad with just his best mate and his wife and even though my mum was a bit upset she respected his wishes.

welshkev

kaiser83 wrote:

its all sorted now, nobody has a problem with it now they actually understand what me and missk want so its all good!

cool.... 8)

so are we all invited to the registry office then or what?

DIESELDOG

welshkev wrote:

kaiser83 wrote:

its all sorted now, nobody has a problem with it now they actually understand what me and missk want so its all good!

cool.... 8)

so are we all invited to the registry office then or what?

Would be quite fun, my next will be on live web cam. If I'm going to make a twat of myself for the second time around I may as well share it I guess.

Love n hugs

DD

Muttly1981

.blitz wrote:

Went to a wedding a few years ago, the reception was held in a kind of mini-Kew Gardens, lots of glass & plants etc.

There was some friction between the bride & groom's families and anyway after a few pints somebody asked somebody else what they were looking at and it all kicked off.

Most people were too p*ssed to fight there was lots of rolling around on the floor and the ladies were pulling one another's hair

The police came and broke it up

My mates brother got married on the saturday morning then had a fight with his father in law at the reception and was single by the sunday morning :shock:

I kind of feel your pain Mr K i should have got married at the end of may and it caused so much unwanted stress made even worse by the fact her family was in America and mine over here, it was like a contest of which would make the better place to get married. She wanted it in Florida so her grandma could see it but i knew that my dad wouldn't have flown to Florida as he hates flying and gets sick on a canal barge so in the end decided on getting married over here then having a a service and honeymoon in FL (yep honeymoon at her mums appartment). Thankfully (now looking back) we never got to the regestery office as she farked off with another bloke in Florida which ment i bought a bike and now have more fun than i ever did with her

joshtp

Kill all the family and use the inheritance to pay for said wedding/ N+1

On a serious note (:shock:), it is your day, so have what you want... but try to understand your family's wishes... you don't want pee'd off in-law's.

Be nice about it, and try to accommodate them in some other, small way - to make them feel valued and respected.

Most of all enjoy it and best of luck!


(is Mrs K-to-be Hot? (POIDH))