your perfect.....

Kaise

....bike ride

so inline with a certain camel pish flavoured lager;

What would be your perfect mountain bike ride?
And if we like it we might just make it happen*






*this statement is not strictly true as i, nor we, will have any part in organising this ride and also will not be paying for it.

wordnumb

To ride over the dismembered corpses of my enemies.

Can anyone recommend appropriate tyres?

VWsurfbum

obviously it would start at the Cafe at the bottom, bacons and coffees, then the most awesomes of climbs with views over the Naturist beach at the bottom, when you get to the top, there would be a topless waitress with a cool glass of monster ripper, with a nice slice of cake waiting.
There would of of course be no wind or rain at the top, and the que of people wanting to go down are waiting for me to make the first move.
the way down would be fast with a few small jumps to get the blood flowing, then a little boardwalk action to calm yourself then a full on blast stretching out over the vast mountain range, no pedaling as its all down hill! then closer to the bottom a little BMX section with the odd burm and table top, then just before the end a nice water crossing.

The bar at the bottom would of course be free, and while i'm soaking up some amber nectar the minions take Cally away to be washed and polised! 8)

Gazlar

Any time I get on a bike its pretty near to as happy as I can be

so add hookers and blow and we have a winner

Anonymous

Penmachno on a lovely summer's evening.

cat_with_no_tail

6hrs of descending, with just enough flat / not steep bits in just the right places to stop your arms from assploding.
Then a bacon butty, some Llandegla Chocolate cake and a magners at the bottom.

foxc_uk

^^ + many many potatoes

Gazlar

Oh were doing this seriously then, ok.

To start a full English, pork breakfast sausage, smoked bacon, fried eggs, fried bread black pud, fresh grilled toms and beans with thick farmhouse toast and best butter, coffee and orange juice.

Arrive at the trail with exactly the right change to park.

First loop a gentle but fun warm up get the muscles warm. Not too much elevation just flowing pumping singletrack 5/6 miles.

Break for cake (whinlatter choc orange cake is de rigueur)

second loop 12/14 miles of technical testing trail with swooping downhills that test your ability but don't break you. The climbs a mixture of graduated singletrack and sociable fire roads.

After the ride a barbeque with fresh made burgers, minted lamb chops, steak, Cajun chicken, salads, slaw, breads, bananas baked in rum. Then a camp fire with great conversation, music, maybe guitars for a sing song. Glow stick wars maybe and someone doing something stupid which makes everyone chuckle. To go with this ice cold Dutch beers, cocktails and shots.

Hmmm Crudcamp anyone?

welshkev

the 75km descent in tenerife followed by a nice swim in the sea is pretty awesome 8)

cat_with_no_tail

Gazlar wrote:

yak yak yak...... Glow stick wars maybe......yak yak yak

hell to the yes.

Just so long as there are no rent-a-cops around to tell us all to be quiet. And no boring XC whippets whinging about how they were unable to get a good 11hrs last night because people were being too noisy boo-hoo.

Can I have a bigger tent this time please?
and can we turn the sun down a little bit too. That heat was just obscene.

I'll get the wife in the kitchen now to prepare some sausage rolls and cakes.

spongtastic

First up - no kids
Then night before stay somewhere nice without the wife and drink far too much.
Wake up, eat enough fried meat products to feed a small african nation, and drink enough coffee to lubricate the bowels of hades.
Then go for a huge ride without any time limits or 'you've got to be back for horse riding lessons etc' through forest, mountains (which are somewhat lacking in Suffolk), and trails before heading back, thoroughly exhausted to enjoy lots of decent beer and more meat products.

There would be no punctures, no brake discs deciding to start squealing, no failing BB's and definitely no lycra.

crazy88

spongtastic wrote:

... no brake discs deciding to start squealing....

That one statement would make any ride perfect for me! I suffered with that for ages, but finally learnt how to sort it! :oops:

mak3m

not to see another living breathing soul for the whole ride

perfect

Pep

Much climbing.
Anything else I don't care.

Redhog14

wordnumb wrote:

To ride over the dismembered corpses of my enemies.

Can anyone recommend appropriate tyres?

Ice tyres with studs

Redhog14

Warm coastal mountains:
Fire road climb (cause refueling is more satisfying than fattening up)
Nice views and 2-3 hrs of summit hopping - no rush now
Cafe with decent quality coffee and cake
2hrs of descending to a tropical or mediterrean sea front boulevard with girls in bikinis, ice cream and cold beer.

Good food, good wine, bj and bed.

welshkev

mak3m wrote:

not to see another living breathing soul for the whole ride

perfect

welcome to wales it happens quite regulary to me that

Anonymous

mak3m wrote:

not to see another living breathing soul for the whole ride

perfect

Does that mean...

mak3m wrote:

I want to ride through seas of corpses

perfect

?

That seems rather dark, even for me.

mak3m

yeehaamcgee

lol thought that once id posted this is CC afterall

:twisted:

supersonic

I'd like to ride right between Gwyneth Paltrows legs.

Anonymous

Id prefer jo just ride gwyneth paltrow, any old how would do.

Gazlar

supersonic wrote:

I'd like to ride right between Gwyneth Paltrows legs.

Tyre choice is important then, I'd go for King of Tractions as I hear the hillsides are very loose and eroded now :shock:

Richie63

The ride can be irrelevant as long as your mates are with you.


Although all down hill Alpine setting and beers at the end are desirable.

angry_bird

Perfect bikeride...

Wake up at a nice time, lovely bacon orientated breakfast, step out the door and start riding from then onwards. We'd be somewhere with big big mountains and lots of sun. I say "we" obviously I'd be going with the mates.

A nice, long techy climb on the hardtail in the morning, i the sun's out but it's not stupidly hot, lovely views that only get better as I go up, get to the top around lunchtime and feel I've acheived something.

There's some cold beers waiting, a pizza and a bbq too for those who don't want pizza. I can't decide what topping the Pizza would be yet, but it would be yummy. We'd stay a while here soaking in the sun, views and recovering from a morning of hard work.

Conviniently there'd be a few nice 140mm full bouncy bikes waiting for us at the top to head back down on, it'd take a few hours to get down, with a mix of lovely tight techy singletrack and open fast flowing stuff with plenty of flat bits and slight uphills in between to give me a break.

We'd reach the bottom late afternoon, have another beer and a some form of cake before realising we'd left the hardtails at the top. At this point we'd get a heli-lift back up to the top and ride the hardtail back down the same trail we'd just done on the full suss. Get the the bottom having had a whale of a time, completely knackered, spend the evening in a bar just chilling.

...yep I'm supposed to be revising right now...

Thewaylander

Cat With No Tail wrote:

6hrs of descending, with just enough flat / not steep bits in just the right places to stop your arms from assploding.
Then a bacon butty, some Llandegla Chocolate cake and a magners at the bottom.

Summat like this but with a decent cider at the bottom, not one that tastes like pure sugar sweetened for children hehe