Job Hunt

edward.wigmore

Hey, okay so i posted a while back asking for advice on applying for a job in a local bike shop, here is a draft copy, advice on how to improve it would be awesome thank you !

Dear .........

I'm 17 years old and doing my AS exams at the moment. I first found out about cycling in 2008 when my brother came home with a bike, from then I found i was hocked on cycling, I spent the rest of the summer ridding down bridleways footpaths woods anything I could find on my mountain bike. After the summer I thought i would have a go at my first XC race, it turned out I was okay and finished up something like 35th out of 150 in the open race, I learnt mid way through my 2nd lap I should have positioned myself nearer the starting line. I also got an old road bike of my dad it didn't really work but it was 2 wheels, i started doing 50mile rides through Salisbury and near Marlborough heading out from Newbury, I had not really considered the effect of dehydration and used to only go out with like 500ml of water, I certainly found i became a lot tougher. However that was the first and only time I raced due to school and moving house. However since then I run for my school's XC team and run to a county level. I'm not trying to write a history of my life though what I'm trying to get across is just how much I really do enjoy my cycling and enjoy competition since starting running cycling got put a bit out of the way but when i was injured and could only cycle it reignited why I really do love cycling and everything to do with the sport and I hope I'm getting this across to you. After watching the grand tours and then reading about the lives of the continental riders here in the UK i really do feel it's something i want to pursue. I'm willing to do the long wet miles in the rain on my own and the lung burning interval sessions, all just in pursuit of winning my first race, i have experienced that feeling in running, but in cycling i have yet to experience it, and it just seems to draw me in more. I want cycling to be my life and hopefully if one day I'm good enough be my job.

The reason I am writing to you is because I would like to know if its possible to work at your store. The reason I would like a job, is because I really do want to get into road racing and the goal would be this summer as I'm 17 now and would really like to make something of it only I lack the fund's to get started properly. If I was able to start racing locally and could get the results to back up my hopes I would love to be able to join your junior team and race for your store.

I really enjoy working with people and meeting new people and find I get along well with others. I enjoy been able to help people out with their cycling related decisions, or telling them about the local roads or trails. I have a good knowledge of all the cycling kit on the market, but at all levels not just the top end pro bits, but right down to the entry level to find what suits someone on a budget. Due to my passion for cycling I hope that customers would feel they are talking to someone who loves riding their bike just as much as them. Up until now I have cycled alone or with my friends I now that I will be able to get more involved in the cycling community within Reading and after exams finish start going out with reading cycling club for their club runs.

I know you probably get a lot of emails like this so thank you for taking the time to read this. It means a lot.

From

............

MichaelW

Bike shop managers have better things to do than read through a full page of waffle before getting to the point. You have to target your audience.
I want a Job
This is my experience

Take a big red pen and cross out all the bits that are not "I want a job" and "This is my experience" then repost.

Ben6899

What Michael said. And pay attention to your spelling, punctuation and grammar.

I got a 3rd way through and gave up... sorry to sound harsh, but you asked for input. In its current form, the going is heavy.

The first paragraph is largely waffle.

porker33

Sorry to say, but your focus is on going road racing.......you may do better explaining why working around bikes and learning the business is your first priority to your potential employer, difficult at 17, but you need to get some people skills....rather than the job is just a means to an end.

Don't be too disheartened,,,,,my nephew applied for every part time job when he was 17........as soon as he turned 18, some asked him to reapply......that 1 year appears to make such a difference.

Cleat Eastwood

I'd change your name too, you sound like a lawyer from a dickens novel.

edward.wigmore

Okay thank you for the points they all seem pretty obvious points now too :P Cut down now :-

The reason I am writing to you is because I would like to know if it’s possible to work at your store. I enjoy both road cycling and cross country cycling. I have competed in cross country racing. I really enjoy working with people and meeting new people and find I get along well with others. I enjoy been able to help people out with their cycling related decisions, or telling them about the local roads or trails. I have a good knowledge of all the cycling kit on the market, but at all levels not just the top end pro bits, but right down to the entry level to find what suits someone on a budget. Due to my passion for cycling I hope that customers would feel they are talking to someone who loves riding their bike just as much as them.

Stewie Griffin

Isn't Job Hunt Mike's Brother?

jim453

Ten out of ten for effort and initiative.

You'll need to work fairly locally (presumably) so you must know the shops you have in mind. Why not go into each shop and have a chat with the manager/owner. I'm sure this is a better bet than sending either of your letters, which hopefully do not do you justice as a potential employee.

Maybe you could even offer your services for free at first, perhaps at weekends.

Good luck. And well done for not sitting at home waiting for good things to drop into your lap.

edward.wigmore

jim453 wrote:

Ten out of ten for effort and initiative.

You'll need to work fairly locally (presumably) so you must know the shops you have in mind. Why not go into each shop and have a chat with the manager/owner. I'm sure this is a better bet than sending either of your letters, which hopefully do not do you justice as a potential employee.

Maybe you could even offer your services for free at first, perhaps at weekends.

Good luck. And well done for not sitting at home waiting for good things to drop into your lap.

Thanks, tbh i think that would be my best bet soon as i finish exams will pop round the shops on the weekend and talk to the manager and see what i might be able to do.

Thanks everyone for your advice as well, all appreciated !

-spider-

edward.wigmore wrote:

Okay thank you for the points they all seem pretty obvious points now too :P Cut down now :-

The reason I am writing to you is because I would like to know if it’s possible to work at your store. I enjoy both road cycling and cross country cycling. I have competed in cross country racing. I really enjoy working with people and meeting new people and find I get along well with others. I enjoy been able to help people out with their cycling related decisions, or telling them about the local roads or trails. I have a good knowledge of all the cycling kit on the market, but at all levels not just the top end pro bits, but right down to the entry level to find what suits someone on a budget. Due to my passion for cycling I hope that customers would feel they are talking to someone who loves riding their bike just as much as them.

Ill go back to my origianl advice on the last thread. Don't ask for a job. Ask for a meeting with the owner/manager because of your interest in the sport.

Once you meet with him ask what you need to do to get a job in that type of business (qualifications/skills/etc). You could also ask if he is aware of any vacancies in the local area - or where you might try.

At this time get out there and get contacts, listen to their advice and start doing what they suggest to increase your knowledge and skills. Do that, and do it well and the job offers just might follow.

Be careful not to become a pest.

sheffsimon

edward.wigmore wrote:

Okay thank you for the points they all seem pretty obvious points now too :P Cut down now :-

The reason I am writing to you is because I would like to know if it’s possible to work at your store. I enjoy both road cycling and cross country cycling. I have competed in cross country racing. I really enjoy working with people and meeting new people and find I get along well with others. I enjoy been able to help people out with their cycling related decisions, or telling them about the local roads or trails. I have a good knowledge of all the cycling kit on the market, but at all levels not just the top end pro bits, but right down to the entry level to find what suits someone on a budget. Due to my passion for cycling I hope that customers would feel they are talking to someone who loves riding their bike just as much as them.

Spelling, grammar, punctuation mistakes, poorly structured = bin. I have used all these reasons to filter down applicants CV's in the past.

Personally, I would call in and ask to speak to the shop manager, or send a letter. An e-mail is too easy to send and too easy to delete.

Do you know anybody through your cycling that works in the shop?

Aside from all that negativity, good luck to you

shouldbeinbed

edward.wigmore wrote:

Okay thank you for the points they all seem pretty obvious points now too :P Cut down now :-

The reason I am writing to you is because I would like to know if it’s possible to work at your store. I enjoy both road cycling and cross country cycling. I have competed in cross country racing. I really enjoy working with people and meeting new people and find I get along well with others. I enjoy been able to help people out with their cycling related decisions, or telling them about the local roads or trails. I have a good knowledge of all the cycling kit on the market, but at all levels not just the top end pro bits, but right down to the entry level to find what suits someone on a budget. Due to my passion for cycling I hope that customers would feel they are talking to someone who loves riding their bike just as much as them.

Its far better than the first essay but is still lacking some basic grammar & structure.

A couple of examples :

The last line sounds like you'll be shagging them. Try 'they do' instead of 'them'

Avoid abbreviations such as it's (especially used in the wrong context) how hard is it to write 'it is' instead?

Cycling kit? And not just the top end pro bits: doesn't really work for me and comes across a bit snobby - know what you're saying but it needs polishing a bit

I'd agree with others & suggest you call in for a chat first, ask questions, listen carefully and properly to the answers (something you're clearly showing you can do here) and work your way up to blagging an interview, or even offer them a free trial of your time. You are to be commended for getting off your backside and seeking a job, you'll communicate that passion better in person first off and if you are asked to write in, will have a much better idea of what to include and leave out from speaking with the people there. Best of luck to you & don't be put off by rejection.

CiB

You looking to be a sales chap, mechanic, or both? A small LBS will probably require a bit of mechanical knowledge and there's precious little evidence of that in your blurb.

The opening is wrong too - "The reason I am writing to you is because I would like to know if it’s possible to work at your store". Too indirect, too long. How about

"Dear...

I would like to enquire about any possible vacancies at your store" [do we say store here? Sounds a bit US of A to me. Shop?].

Whatever. Bin the email, march in one day and meet the man face to face. Easier to sit here and type that than do it, but it's the best way forward.

Monty Dog

Look at it from the bike shop manager / owner's perspective - he'll get loads of enquiries from kids with a passion for bikes - they're 10 a penny...

You're not asking for permission - you 'want' to work at their store because you're
good with people and listen well - (you're meeting customer's needs, not telling mates how great you are)
reliable, dependable and trustworthy - (focus on delivering)
keen to learn...with a passion for bikes

Get to the point and provide some simple examples of where you've demonstrated this - send the letter and follow up with a phone call / meeting a few days later

I work in human resource for a huge multi-national - good luck

all show no go

Stewie Griffin wrote:

Isn't Job Hunt Mike's Brother?