Hold your clubmates up to ridicule!
OffTheBackAdam
Posts: 1,869
A thread for dropping your mates in it! 
Name changed to protect the not so innocent, but slightly naive!
Let's call this person T'Arra, from Shitebrook.
First drop.
Mr A's confession.
"It was a really hot summer, when sat in a changing room with George Minion, the week before the East-Mids division RR champs. He told me about him racing in France at a high level, and told me about a 'trade secret' used by the french pro's to stop dehydration during long races in the hot weather. He told me to "keep it under my hat" that all the top tour riders put a large cabbage leaf under their crash helmets or racing caps. Then when the sun shone on your head the moisture contained in the leaf would keep you cool Great idea I thought - so simple but effective! Anyway, me and my club mates (who if asked would now deny it) were all turning-up to events with cabbages in our kit bags for the entire summer. oh how we laughed when we were told that it was just a joke and we were a loada prats"
Second confession.
Mr A has been old holiday, to a resort in Devon that he's been going to for many years. He stays in the same guesthouse and the owner knows he's "a cyclist" - probably because he takes his bike and I'm sure he's never bigged himself up!
This year, the owner tells him that he's had another cyclist staying, upon being told about the famous Mr A, this other chap knows nothing about him, despite being told he has done over 60 miles on occaisions!
Guesthouse owner hands Mr A a bit of paper, apparently this other cyclist has left him a message, as he's due back in a few days. Apparently he's buying a boat.
The paper has one word.
"Palmares"
Further questioning leads to the information that the mysterious, boat-buying cyclist is Dutch. A look at the register reveals his name.
"Jeroen Blijlevens"!
Name changed to protect the not so innocent, but slightly naive!
Let's call this person T'Arra, from Shitebrook.
First drop.
Mr A's confession.
"It was a really hot summer, when sat in a changing room with George Minion, the week before the East-Mids division RR champs. He told me about him racing in France at a high level, and told me about a 'trade secret' used by the french pro's to stop dehydration during long races in the hot weather. He told me to "keep it under my hat" that all the top tour riders put a large cabbage leaf under their crash helmets or racing caps. Then when the sun shone on your head the moisture contained in the leaf would keep you cool Great idea I thought - so simple but effective! Anyway, me and my club mates (who if asked would now deny it) were all turning-up to events with cabbages in our kit bags for the entire summer. oh how we laughed when we were told that it was just a joke and we were a loada prats"
Second confession.
Mr A has been old holiday, to a resort in Devon that he's been going to for many years. He stays in the same guesthouse and the owner knows he's "a cyclist" - probably because he takes his bike and I'm sure he's never bigged himself up!
This year, the owner tells him that he's had another cyclist staying, upon being told about the famous Mr A, this other chap knows nothing about him, despite being told he has done over 60 miles on occaisions!
Guesthouse owner hands Mr A a bit of paper, apparently this other cyclist has left him a message, as he's due back in a few days. Apparently he's buying a boat.
The paper has one word.
"Palmares"
Further questioning leads to the information that the mysterious, boat-buying cyclist is Dutch. A look at the register reveals his name.
"Jeroen Blijlevens"!
Remember that you are an Englishman and thus have won first prize in the lottery of life.
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Comments
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A cabbage leaf was actually used for that purpose at least up until the 1960s and some older roadies still swear by it!0
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millymoose wrote:
From that link:
"A traditional way to keep the head cool when cycling in hot conditions was to put a kebab under the casquette".
I wonder whether a donner or sheesh is best? 0 -
Methinks somebody is taking the mick'. I have just read the linked article which declares it is 1/75th scale model of Roger de coursie and Nookie bear that you put under the cap.brucey72 wrote:millymoose wrote:
From that link:
"A traditional way to keep the head cool when cycling in hot conditions was to put a kebab under the casquette".
I wonder whether a donner or sheesh is best?0 -
Further mocking of Mr A.
Many, many years ago, our clubmate was a young, keen roadman. He did posses some ability, he did win the odd race & get a few top 6 finishes, thus getting points and eventually his shiney 2nd Cat licence.
He did regail us with tails of wins in dark corners of the Earth (eg Plymouth Hoe Crits
). Well, OTBA here, plus others, decided that he really should be at least entering a race to reflect his amazing abilities. At the time, there was a little event that promoting the benefits of drinking "Cow Juice".
We decided that this would be a suitable platform for our mate to demonstrate how good he was in the sprint, not just by showing us his back wheel for the Worksop sign.
We got the necessary BCF entry form and lovingly crafted it, name, address, putting his recent wins and places on and filling the rest with a few 25th places etc. Into an envelope it went and off to Mr Emmerson, complete with stamp!
Not many weeks later, our friend, Mr A, mentioned that he had been in receipt of a letter, from Mr I Emmerson, with his entry returned. The letter mentioned that the event was "By Invitation Only" and perhaps, until this invite came his way, he'd be better off sticking to races "More suitable for his ability".
Mr A did take it in the intended spirit and was less forthcoming about his palmares.
We were still a bunch of "Blank Licences" and I, for one, have remained that way! Remember that you are an Englishman and thus have won first prize in the lottery of life.0
