Commuter bikes food chain.

chilling

I found my better half reading some of this forum. She was puzzled by some of the comments about what type of bikes people ride so I explained it to her thus.


Riders of full suspension mountain bikes with all the knobbly goodness

Will get sneered at for being too heavy and slow by

Full suspension mountain bikes riders with slicks tyres, who

Will get sneered at for being on the wrong type of bike by

Hybrid riders who

Will get sneered at for having an unfocused bike by

Road bike riders who

Will get sneered at for all those complicated gears by

Single speed riders who

Will get sneered at for not pedalling in a circle by

Fixie riders who

Will get sneered at for sitting upright by

Recumbent riders who

Will get sneered at as the white van bounces over them.


Thought some of you may get a laugh from it.


I have my asbestos pants on so flame away.....

iclestu

where to cyclocross bikes fit? Are we above all other species and free to sneer at everyone???

snooks

Personally the 1250+ pages of the SCR thread put it far more succinctly :twisted:

Or to quote the rules of The Game:

The Game:
Dropping / Pulling anyone higher in the Food Chain Number makes you stronger and more attractive to burds*. Getting dropped / trying to keep up with anyone lower means your soul hires a kudos remover to lower your self worth. If you scalp someone you have to maintain or extend your lead for such a time as to have the dude you passed admit to themselves "I was done". Nipping by, then running into a side road / hiding in traffic won't wash, Be honest with yourself. *Not strictly true

Rules:
1/ No Dangerous Manoeuvres (Don’t be a danger to any other road users or yourself) Falling off causes pain to you and others around you, don’t do it! (oh and you loose yer points)
2/ Don’t ride like a c0ck, we’re all just trying to get somewhere!
3/ No passing at Lights/Junction/Crossings, if you do, it doesn’t count
4/ All passing on open road ONLY. Filtering in traffic is null and void (you know whether you’ve dropped someone fairly, and haven’t turned off straight afterwards)
5/ Pavement passes, either you or the target is void
6/ Show no pain, unless, like me your face is just like that

FOOD CHAIN NUMBERS:
1. Scooters
2. Roadies with shaved legs - like girls *
3. Proper rapid Single speed (real men, messengers, tarty shiny fixies) *
4. Roadies with hairy legs - like men *
5. Faux Single Speeds (fakengers, dirty/functional bikes, silly egg beater gear) *
6. Touring Bikes (Mud Guards) *
7. "Fast Hybrids" *
8. MTBs on Skinnies *
9. MTBs on Nobbies
10. Bromptons / collapsing bikes
11. MTB full sus on Nobbies
12. Shoppers
13. Shoppers wicker baskets
14. Electric bikes
* Pedal Adjustment +1
• ONLY FCN 2-4 gain points for overtaking the same FCN and Higher Chainers
• Recumbents, Tandems and Segways are worth +2 points as a rare bonus
• Sinclair C5 +20 points as a hens teeth bonus

FCN Adjusters:


CLOTHING:
None:+3
Non-Cycling: +2
Baggies: +1
Lycra: 0
Team Kit: -1
TDF Jersey: -2

BAGGAGE:
Panniers: +1
Back Pack/Courier: 0
Nothing: -1

HEAD GEAR:
Face Mask +1
Helmets/Nothing/Sunglasses: 0
Bike Caps / Wrap arounds: -1

ACCESSORIES:
Herman's Safety Wing" (orange plastic lolly-pop): +2
Trailer:+2
Beard: +1
Child seat (each): +1
Power meter: -1
Aerobars: -1
Coloured tyres -1
Child seat (each): +1
Trailer:+2

PEDALS (If you can identify) FCN2-8 see note above:
Flats: +1
Toe Clips: 0
Evidently Clipless/spds (cycling shoes): -1

If it sounds complex Fury21 has come up with a FCN Calculator: http://www.itsnotarace.org ...If you get confused on the road, think of it this way if you drop anyone who looks faster that you +1. If you get dropped by anyone that looks slower than you -1..Couldn't be simpler! You'll also get to work, or get home faster...Or your subscription money back...Ps it's free to join and take part, but negative totals should make cheques on your soul out to deadeyebumhole

Cafewanda

chilling wrote:

I found my better half reading some of this forum.

I'm more concerned with how the above came about. Keep her away from the Receptionist thread though

wgwarburton

iclestu wrote:

where to cyclocross bikes fit? Are we above all other species and free to sneer at everyone???

They don't. There's nothing special about a CX bike, despite what their advocates would have you believe.

Cheers,
W.

UndercoverElephant

Cafewanda wrote:

chilling wrote:

I found my better half reading some of this forum.

I'm more concerned with how the above came about. Keep her away from the Receptionist thread though

Oh god, she isn't a receptionist by any chance, is she?

Marcus_C

iclestu wrote:

where to cyclocross bikes fit? Are we above all other species and free to sneer at everyone???

My crosser has a shimano road groupset, sti's, 700x25c tyres, carbon fork etc. unless mud guards change anything it's a road bike...

Jay dubbleU

Tried out an Airnimal Chameleon Sport today at Spa cycles - technically a collapsing bike but faster than pretty much anything than a full road bike - where does that fit into the scheme of things ?

FoldingJoe

Jay dubbleU wrote:

Tried out an Airnimal Chameleon Sport today at Spa cycles - technically a collapsing bike but faster than pretty much anything than a full road bike - where does that fit into the scheme of things ?

Claim it as a folder, I am with my Joey Sport!!!

Jay dubbleU

FoldingJoe wrote:

Jay dubbleU wrote:

Tried out an Airnimal Chameleon Sport today at Spa cycles - technically a collapsing bike but faster than pretty much anything than a full road bike - where does that fit into the scheme of things ?

Claim it as a folder, I am with my Joey Sport!!!

Almost too easy.....................

rolf_f

WGWarburton wrote:

They don't. There's nothing special about a CX bike, despite what their advocates would have you believe.

Cheers,
W.

Correct - they are just touring bikes with knobbly tyres and no mudguards

snooks wrote:

FOOD CHAIN NUMBERS:
1. Scooters
2. Roadies with shaved legs - like girls *
3. Proper rapid Single speed (real men, messengers, tarty shiny fixies) *
4. Roadies with hairy legs - like men *
5. Faux Single Speeds (fakengers, dirty/functional bikes, silly egg beater gear) *
6. Touring Bikes (Mud Guards) *
7. "Fast Hybrids" *
8. MTBs on Skinnies *
9. MTBs on Nobbies
10. Bromptons / collapsing bikes
11. MTB full sus on Nobbies
12. Shoppers
13. Shoppers wicker baskets
14. Electric bikes

Hmmm, number 3 I never get. Single speeds are just slow - I'd put them well behind the touring bikes. Terribly slow. I try not to overtake them because I feel sorry for them. I did one today though. I was waiting behind him at the lights as he was about to turn right for his long, miserable gearless drag up to Stanningley top. I passed him with a friendly hiya only to be held at a pelican crossing a hundred yards further up. I pulled in by the kerb holding the railing to save the bother of unclipping. Fixie chap comes past me, and hovers around infront trying to track stand ahead of me to the right and getting a bit in my way of me and the cars when the lights change. I expect he was doing his wobbly trackstand to try to salvage some self respect. I think he is probably still making his way up the hill even now though it was four hours ago that I got home...........

dhope

Rolf F wrote:

WGWarburton wrote:

They don't. There's nothing special about a CX bike, despite what their advocates would have you believe.

Cheers,
W.

Correct - they are just touring bikes with knobbly tyres and no mudguards

snooks wrote:

FOOD CHAIN NUMBERS:
1. Scooters
2. Roadies with shaved legs - like girls *
3. Proper rapid Single speed (real men, messengers, tarty shiny fixies) *
4. Roadies with hairy legs - like men *
5. Faux Single Speeds (fakengers, dirty/functional bikes, silly egg beater gear) *
6. Touring Bikes (Mud Guards) *
7. "Fast Hybrids" *
8. MTBs on Skinnies *
9. MTBs on Nobbies
10. Bromptons / collapsing bikes
11. MTB full sus on Nobbies
12. Shoppers
13. Shoppers wicker baskets
14. Electric bikes

Hmmm, number 3 I never get. Single speeds are just slow - I'd put them well behind the touring bikes. Terribly slow. I try not to overtake them because I feel sorry for them. I did one today though. I was waiting behind him at the lights as he was about to turn right for his long, miserable gearless drag up to Stanningley top. I passed him with a friendly hiya only to be held at a pelican crossing a hundred yards further up. I pulled in by the kerb holding the railing to save the bother of unclipping. Fixie chap comes past me, and hovers around infront trying to track stand ahead of me to the right and getting a bit in my way of me and the cars when the lights change. I expect he was doing his wobbly trackstand to try to salvage some self respect. I think he is probably still making his way up the hill even now though it was four hours ago that I got home...........

#3 does seem a bit lofty, but around town they can be pretty quick, and certainly able to embarass the odd roadie or three in stop-start commutes.

snooks

Rolf F wrote:

Hmmm, number 3 I never get. Single speeds are just slow - I'd put them well behind the touring bikes.

Where were you when the rules were being written?

No.3 is for proper fast speedy single speeds not the east end fakenger with footy socks and bobble hats....Think messenger on a mission, a 12 foot high bloke on a track bike with legs a blur riding 100+ inches, bike related tats, 1000 yard stare. You know em when you see em

mattsaw

I think you're seeing the wrong kind of SS riders. Lots on my commute are rapid.

I think you tend to get two types,

1. Ultra trendy twenty somethings who ride them around town
2. Seasoned cyclists who go like a bat out of hell as they don't find a roadie enough of a 'challenge'

rolf_f

They don't exist in Leeds. Physical impossibility! If they could keep up on the flat, they'd be walking on the climbs!

Anyway, this one was on a Pompino with a slack chain. There seem to be none of the classic varieties of fixie around here (classic steel frame - nothing valuable though - with drop handlebars, front and rear brakes and shallow rim wheels).

Just as well there isn't really any SCR here - we'd have to have a different FCN table! Mind, I did take four scalps today on my fastest ever I think trip on that route. Trouble is around here, once you manage to actually find a potential scalp, it's usually like taking candy from a baby. Mind, I was scalped by an Orbea this morning but he just took advantage of me pulling away from a red on a hill - if he'd been honourable, he'd have waited til I was fully up to speed!

UndercoverElephant

Can I just point out that recumbent riders are in no position to look down on anyone.

davmaggs

I don't have the win rate to comment on FCN, but seeing a recumbent going down the road to vauxhall I have to say that they are insane. It reminded me of the old footage of a Sinclair C5 being shadowed by a truck.

Nerves of steel that lot.

Kieran_Burns

iclestu wrote:

where to cyclocross bikes fit? Are we above all other species and free to sneer at everyone???

Yes, yes we are. Ignore the haters - relish your perversion 8)

BSRU

It is the season for scalping "riders" higher up the food chain, lot's of fair weather commuters riding their brand new C2W bikes with new kit wobbling all over the road.
It's like shooting fish in a barrel, although my new C2W bike comes soon changing me from an FCN of 12 to an FCN of 4.

CyclingBantam

Rolf F wrote:

They don't exist in Leeds. Physical impossibility! If they could keep up on the flat, they'd be walking on the climbs!

Pah, cowards don't ride fixed up here!

I commute on a Pearson fixed between Cleckheaton and Halifax. Plenty of hills on my commute. I just wish there was more 'sport' on my commute. Not been passed yet though.

The Rookie

I rarely seen any other cyclist on my commute, everytime I get close to having a meaningful SC race I have a bloomin cold which is really bugging as it kills your stamina!

Most I come across are an easy pass, the last one (full roadie in lycra) I was having to brake to keep behind down a hill as the cars were whistling past, just whipped past on the way back uphill - too easy.

No SS for me, I can spin out a 46/11 downhill but the steepest uphills I can just about use the 25T at the rear.

Simon

rolf_f

CyclingBantam wrote:

Pah, cowards don't ride fixed up here!

I commute on a Pearson fixed between Cleckheaton and Halifax. Plenty of hills on my commute. I just wish there was more 'sport' on my commute. Not been passed yet though.

Hmmmm, torn between much respect and the thought that you must be an idiot

What route do you take? I can see via Brighouse not being too bad. On the other hand, via Shibden could be interesting.......I hope it is the latter.

Are you sure people don't pass you as they are just behind you, enjoying watching you suffer?!!