Autocorrect on your 'phone

SimonAH

I've disabled mine because it keeps putting in i'n for "in" which drove me up the wall. Apparently it can be worse;

Damnyouautocorrect.com
 
 
 
:*sigh* I hate romantic cumshots
 
Contents!!
 
Comedies!!!!
 
:wow
 
:*Ahem* sorry babe.... that was a really bad autocorrect
 
So... what else is new?
 
: Not much i think i might go out tonight.
 
 
 
: I forgot to bring your movies with me. I'll get them later
 
:Don't worry, you can give them to me when I move into your asshole
 
:ummmm
 
:Apartment!! I meant apartment!!! Jesus Christ autocorrect Fuck!
 
 
 
:Question
 
:Sure what's up
 
:Have you ever fondled yourself?
 
:Uhhhhh...
 
:Googled not fondled! Oh crap. That just made me  look like the biggest perv.
 
:Yes I have. And yes it did! LOL
 
 
:The one thing I hate about this class is getting cocaine in my eyes an hair when it’s over.
 
:hahahaha what?!
 
:Oh wow I meant chlorine… apparently it’s the new cocaine
 
:haha I was confused lol
 
:Yeah you’d be surprised what goes on in my scuba class haha
 
:Haha I was like what are you doing in the locker.
 
 
 
:I have to take a test online and clean my uterus and the rest of the house. Not thattt bad but I want it done.
 
:…Clean your uterus?
 
: hahahahahaha sorry someone said that while I was typing. ** My room
 
 
:I’m naked my car orgasm.
 
That sucks. Making my car organised.wow
 
 
:Ready for the game tonight? Just went to the bookstore & got my colostomy bag!
 
:I am eady but what’s with the colostomy bag and why is the bookstore selling them?
 
:Seriously, I typed collegiate flag! I do not own a colostomy bag.
 
 
:Where are you?! Im at your house. No one knows where you are. Lol
 
:Oh you got here quick, I’m in the garden picking my herpes!
 
:Should I leave you alone?
 
:Ackkkkkk! Herbs! Picking my herbs for dinner! Meet you in 2 mins. **HERBS I swear**
 
 
:You left your nutter butters in my pussy
Fuck! PANTRY
 
:Fuck.. I knew I left something in there
 
 
:I’m so hungry. Can’t eat anything though because I’m supposed to be farting before my blood sugar test.
Fasting.
Goddamn phone!
 
:I can smell you from here
 
 
:I can totally go for a salty snatch right now!
 
:Not really sure where we would find one of those.
 
:Snack, not snatch! Meet in me in the lobby in 5 mins. We’re going to tacobell
 
 
:Haha thanks for the typo help
 
:IDK why but something drew me to your rectum
 
:Omg resume
 
:BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 
:Omg that was a horrible one
 
:I seriously haven’t stopped laughing
 
 
:Why are you bringing food
 
:We have so much of it that my mom is naked
MAKING ME** Jesus
 
 
:Cool. Paula
 
:Vince said that Scott is giving up diet come for lent. Good for him! … Do u n Mackenzie want to move in here til the withdrawal is over? …
 
:I am howling. Hope he doesn’t drink diet come regularly. However I did hear that it’s high in protein. Paula
 
 
:Hey!!! Just a quick hello-happy new year… Hope we all see you in Orlando, we can all do Erika
 
:Who is Erika?
 
:Drinks it’s drinks my iphone auto corrected!!!! OMG
 
 
:Hey man wanna grab some boobs before the game?
 
:You know it.
 
:Ahh I meant food, Though boobs would be nice too. Ahaha
 
:Hahhahahaha I’m dieing… lets do it!
 
:Alright so 5:30? Ill bring the Boobs.
 
 
:Italian night next time I come to town. Well make homemade pasta bread and sauce. And we’ll eat the salad last. Maybe I’ll even bring werewolf soup.
That was supposed to be wedding soup, not werewolf soup – I have had some amazing autocorrect fails today.
 
:Will is on team Edward so I don’t know if he’d like werewolf soup.
 
:Lmao
 
 
:Get there at six buddy. You can bring a bisexual if you want.
Ummm, I mean boardgame.
 
:Uhhh. What kind of party is this again?
 
 
:Contemplating suicide…
Fuck I meant Subway…
 
:Well now I have a legal obligation to report that.
 
:Subway Subway Subway!
 
 
:I missed your call, what’s up?
 
:Hey sorry. My grandma finally passed last night. L
 
:OMG! I’m so sorry! I know after the surgery she had a really hard twat
 
:WTF?
 
:Year!! Year!! She had a hard year!
 
:Oh
 
 
: I can’t wait to come over and see your C*nt! It’s been such a long time. I can’t wait!!!!
I meant AUNT. And now I’m not coming over.
 
:Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha Classic.
 
 
:Morning lol
 
:
 
:Driving to school. I feel like death lol
 
:Ugh… Stupid virus
 
:the worst part is the headache between my ears from blowing my boss.
WTF Phone, NOSE
 
:huh???

Headhuunter

I had a Japanese friend called Fumi and her name always came up as "Dung" on my phone....

clarkey cat

I once texted my wife:

"Don't forget to pick up some jam on the way home, love"

But it came out:

"Do you realise you have ruined my life you horrible old bag?"

Bloody autocorrect.

DIESELDOG

Oh man those are brilliant.

Love n hugs

DD