Any budding inventors out there?

hatbeard

Can someone please invent a machine to compress/speed up time to eliminate the gap between ordering something online and it being delivered. the waiting is making me crazy!

for those who only buy their stuff in bricks and mortar stores and care not a jot about new fangled online shopping what would you like to see invented to improve your day to day life?

cee

hatbeard wrote:

Can someone please invent a machine to compress/speed up time to eliminate the gap between ordering something online and it being delivered. the waiting is making me crazy!

for those who only buy their stuff in bricks and mortar stores and care not a jot about new fangled online shopping what would you like to see invented to improve your day to day life?

2 big sleeping tablets. teleporting you to the future, without worrying about the pesky time in between.

Zachariah

I have invented a time machine you can use. You'll have to build it yourself, but the basics are very simple.

First, you take a decent-sized black hole...

cee

Zachariah wrote:

I have invented a time machine you can use. You'll have to build it yourself, but the basics are very simple.

First, you take a decent-sized black hole...

Is that a type of sleeping tablet? sounds good.

whyamihere

Easy. If you go at close to the speed of light, time slows down for you, relative to the rest frame (in this case, the rest frame being everyone else in the world). So the waiting time will be shorter for you.

In other words, go out and ride your bike. Really, really fast.

hatbeard

whyamihere wrote:

Easy. If you go at close to the speed of light, time slows down for you, relative to the rest frame (in this case, the rest frame being everyone else in the world). So the waiting time will be shorter for you.

In other words, go out and ride your bike. Really, really fast.

ahh but I don't want a machine to make me travel faster through time, I want time to be made shorter so I don't have to travel through it for so long to reach my intended destiination point (the arrival of my packages).

and in this case it is in fact the package I'm waiting for that precludes me from riding my bike really really fast as it's my winter tires. although riding at increased speeds could in fact have the desired effect as I imagine when I came to from my coma my parcels will have already arrived

Argh it's maddening! the order status of is now simply: "in progress" (well actually it says "In Bearbeitung") if only they were a bit more honest and told me what's actually going on...

if it was "we're just having a cup of tea and letting our lunch go down, then we'll definitely be putting your items in the post before we knock off early this evening" it'd put my mind much more at ease...

I know the orders in progress I already bloody paid you! what progress are you making!

cee

hatbeard wrote:

whyamihere wrote:

Easy. If you go at close to the speed of light, time slows down for you, relative to the rest frame (in this case, the rest frame being everyone else in the world). So the waiting time will be shorter for you.

In other words, go out and ride your bike. Really, really fast.

ahh but I don't want a machine to make me travel faster through time, I want time to be made shorter so I don't have to travel through it for so long to reach my intended destiination point (the arrival of my packages).

same thing really.

hatbeard wrote:

s I imagine when I came to from my coma my parcels will have already arrived

i see you took the sleeping tablets

hatbeard wrote:

it'd put my mind much more at ease...

another one for the sleeping tablets mate.

hatbeard

cee wrote:

hatbeard wrote:

whyamihere wrote:

Easy. If you go at close to the speed of light, time slows down for you, relative to the rest frame (in this case, the rest frame being everyone else in the world). So the waiting time will be shorter for you.

In other words, go out and ride your bike. Really, really fast.

ahh but I don't want a machine to make me travel faster through time, I want time to be made shorter so I don't have to travel through it for so long to reach my intended destiination point (the arrival of my packages).

same thing really.

hatbeard wrote:

s I imagine when I came to from my coma my parcels will have already arrived

i see you took the sleeping tablets

hatbeard wrote:

it'd put my mind much more at ease...

another one for the sleeping tablets mate.

why are you so keen to get me unconcious?

jeremyrundle

hatbeard wrote:

Can someone please invent a machine to compress/speed up time to eliminate the gap between ordering something online and it being delivered. the waiting is making me crazy!

for those who only buy their stuff in bricks and mortar stores and care not a jot about new fangled online shopping what would you like to see invented to improve your day to day life?

Next time yu order something, consider how long you are willing to wait, take into account non working/delivery days and then add this to your order.

I place this order with you/your company on the understanding that delivery will be made to me on or before the XX/XX/XX, should the item not be received by this date please cancel the order and provide me with a full refund including postage/delivery charges.

jeremyrundle

You can never reach the speed of light as we think of it, why, simple, the closer you get to the speed of light the more time slows, the nearer the slower until you reach a point where time eventually come to 99.9999999999999999999999999999999r of actually stopping so you never achieve the speed of light you just spend eternity 00000000000000000000000000000000000.1 etc from the actual speed of light.

cee

hatbeard wrote:

why are you so keen to get me unconcious?

you know when you start with something and can't stop? kinda like that.

whyamihere

jeremyrundle wrote:

You can never reach the speed of light as we think of it, why, simple, the closer you get to the speed of light the more time slows, the nearer the slower until you reach a point where time eventually come to 99.9999999999999999999999999999999r of actually stopping so you never achieve the speed of light you just spend eternity 00000000000000000000000000000000000.1 etc from the actual speed of light.

Obviously. Which is why I said to go close to the speed of light, not at the speed of light.

hatbeard

jeremyrundle wrote:

hatbeard wrote:

Can someone please invent a machine to compress/speed up time to eliminate the gap between ordering something online and it being delivered. the waiting is making me crazy!

for those who only buy their stuff in bricks and mortar stores and care not a jot about new fangled online shopping what would you like to see invented to improve your day to day life?

Next time yu order something, consider how long you are willing to wait, take into account non working/delivery days and then add this to your order.

I place this order with you/your company on the understanding that delivery will be made to me on or before the XX/XX/XX, should the item not be received by this date please cancel the order and provide me with a full refund including postage/delivery charges.

oh no this is something I was expecting a delay in arriving (it's coming from germany and I only ordered it yesterday) I'm just being incredibly impatient.

@cee: good I can rest much easier knowing I won't have to continually check to see if my drinks been spiked at the xmas do at the morpeth

UndercoverElephant

hatbeard wrote:

@cee: good I can rest much easier knowing I won't have to continually check to see if my drinks been spiked at the xmas do at the morpeth

Good practice anyway, Greg_T will probably be going.

motdoc

Go to the shops and buy special brew.
Drink 8 cans.
It will seem like a) 2 days have vanished b) you've been assaulted by a hippo. Repeat every 2 days until parts arrive. If you can't get to the door because you can't walk simply abstain for a couple of days and you'll be back to normal!
Cheaper than a black hole!

motdoc

Go to the shops and buy special brew.
Drink 8 cans.
It will seem like a) 2 days have vanished b) you've been assaulted by a hippo. Repeat every 2 days until parts arrive. If you can't get to the door because you can't walk simply abstain for a couple of days and you'll be back to normal!
Cheaper than a black hole!

snooks

motdoc wrote:

Go to the shops and buy special brew.

Ewwwww! You only have one life, get a nice bottle of malt whisky instead, makes the waiting pleasurable 8)

Go to the the SMWS, or if your not a member, Milroy's of Soho on Greek Street have some very good bottles at tempting prices

Look at this little puppy, only £2 more than buying it at the distillery

jeremyrundle

However if you consider wanting to travel from x to y and the distance and the time it would take light to travel that distance, and now look at quantum mechanics, and consider quantum tunnelling. Tthink of the distance as a hurdle an athlete needs to “jump” over, quantum tunnelling would allow that athlete to “tunnel” through the obstacle and reach the other side faster than having to take the long way “over”, or a climber who needs to travel right “over” a mountain, where as quantum tunnelling would allow him to travel directly there through the object or “distance” which would make it appear he were travelling faster than the speed of light.

whyamihere

jeremyrundle wrote:

However if you consider wanting to travel from x to y and the distance and the time it would take light to travel that distance, and now look at quantum mechanics, and consider quantum tunnelling. Tthink of the distance as a hurdle an athlete needs to “jump” over, quantum tunnelling would allow that athlete to “tunnel” through the obstacle and reach the other side faster than having to take the long way “over”, or a climber who needs to travel right “over” a mountain, where as quantum tunnelling would allow him to travel directly there through the object or “distance” which would make it appear he were travelling faster than the speed of light.

Quantum tunnelling is almost impossible for a single particle, the probability for a multi-cellular organism is closer to zero than you can comprehend. Be sensible.

Zachariah

These gags from 1991 have travelled through time to get here today!

From their point of view, no time has passed. SCIENCE!

ride_whenever

All you need to do is accelerate the earth to close to the speed of light, whilst you remain stationary. Then your parcel will arrive sooner.

On an aside, if you were riding your bike at 2/3 light speed, what would happen to your wheels, the top would be travelling at 4/3 light speed and the bottom would be travelling at 1/3 light speed, physicists?

jeremyrundle

whyamihere wrote:

jeremyrundle wrote:

However if you consider wanting to travel from x to y and the distance and the time it would take light to travel that distance, and now look at quantum mechanics, and consider quantum tunnelling. Tthink of the distance as a hurdle an athlete needs to “jump” over, quantum tunnelling would allow that athlete to “tunnel” through the obstacle and reach the other side faster than having to take the long way “over”, or a climber who needs to travel right “over” a mountain, where as quantum tunnelling would allow him to travel directly there through the object or “distance” which would make it appear he were travelling faster than the speed of light.

Quantum tunnelling is almost impossible for a single particle, the probability for a multi-cellular organism is closer to zero than you can comprehend. Be sensible.

Not impossible never rule anything out and I am not "being silly" just because scientists themselves may not agree they do not resort to "silly comments", I have shared many a gin and tonic discussing such things with my friend Patrick Moore when staying there.

whyamihere

ride_whenever wrote:

On an aside, if you were riding your bike at 2/3 light speed, what would happen to your wheels, the top would be travelling at 4/3 light speed and the bottom would be travelling at 1/3 light speed, physicists?

Well, the mass of the top bit of the wheels would increase so fast that the wheels would implode well before they got anywhere near c. It'd be like hitting the universe's nastiest pothole.

whyamihere

jeremyrundle wrote:

whyamihere wrote:

jeremyrundle wrote:

However if you consider wanting to travel from x to y and the distance and the time it would take light to travel that distance, and now look at quantum mechanics, and consider quantum tunnelling. Tthink of the distance as a hurdle an athlete needs to “jump” over, quantum tunnelling would allow that athlete to “tunnel” through the obstacle and reach the other side faster than having to take the long way “over”, or a climber who needs to travel right “over” a mountain, where as quantum tunnelling would allow him to travel directly there through the object or “distance” which would make it appear he were travelling faster than the speed of light.

Quantum tunnelling is almost impossible for a single particle, the probability for a multi-cellular organism is closer to zero than you can comprehend. Be sensible.

Not impossible never rule anything out and I am not "being silly" just because scientists themselves may not agree they do not resort to "silly comments", I have shared many a gin and tonic discussing such things with my friend Patrick Moore when staying there.

Again, I didn't say impossible. Read what I say carefully.

mtb-idle

a mate of mine hates flying.

He is waiting for the service where the airline picks you up from your home and gives you a shot of something to render you unconscious.

The airline would then transport you to the airport, through check in, customs etc...
...onto the plane, out the other end and through customs and then give you a shot to wake you up the other side.

He reckons it's the future!

deptfordmarmoset

MTB-Idle wrote:

a mate of mine hates flying.

He is waiting for the service where the airline picks you up from your home and gives you a shot of something to render you unconscious.

The airline would then transport you to the airport, through check in, customs etc...
...onto the plane, out the other end and through customs and then give you a shot to wake you up the other side.

He reckons it's the future!

Your mate has just invented the General Aerosthetic. He could get operations done at the same time. It's bound to work.

I'm working on a way to increase the velocity of money - if money travelled faster, it would come in faster, and consequently I could spend it faster. I'm not after making a profit - I'd just spend it all more quickly and by spending it, I would be able to boost the economy at the same time. Makes perfect sense to me.

ride_whenever

Or join the a-team...