OT - Classic Quotes

rjsterry

Ask and ye shall receive.

To start off, I would like to propose CiB's biblical description of his run home,

Closely followed by

Greg off of Masterchef wrote:

That's the kind of pudding I could dip my head in

Off you go then.

cyclopsbiker

I big time second CiB's biblical description of his run home. winner by miles.

asprilla

The C of B doth win and give much humour that shall ne'er be supassed but my favourite quote that I use frequently at work is by Edward R Murrow:

'Anyone who isn't confused doesn't understand the situation.'

It's so right in some many situations.

Wallace1492

"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know."
Donald Rumsfeld

SimonAH

"Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive"

Sure, but did you know the second line is;

"But when we've practiced quite a while, how vastly doth improve our style"

But I'm sorry, for a quote it's had to beat the incomparable Mr Wilde with "I have nothing to declare but my genius" when passing through customs.

and PG Wodehouse with "and ice formed on the butler's upper slopes"

...........aaah, what a wonderful language we have!

rjsterry

The funny thing is, that Rumsfeld quote, although rather clumsily expressed, is one of the more coherent thoughts that came out of the Bush administration.

As for Mr Wilde, he seems to have spoken entirely in witty one liners. Great for quotes later, but he must have been an insufferable show-off to live with.

jonginge

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

hatbeard

rjsterry wrote:

The funny thing is, that Rumsfeld quote, although rather clumsily expressed, is one of the more coherent thoughts that came out of the Bush administration.

As for Mr Wilde, he seems to have spoken entirely in witty one liners. Great for quotes later, but he must have been an insufferably show-off to live with.

I'm sure he was a right pain in the arse.

rjsterry

hatbeard wrote:

rjsterry wrote:

The funny thing is, that Rumsfeld quote, although rather clumsily expressed, is one of the more coherent thoughts that came out of the Bush administration.

As for Mr Wilde, he seems to have spoken entirely in witty one liners. Great for quotes later, but he must have been an insufferably show-off to live with.

I'm sure he was a right pain in the ars*.

"FFS Oscar, I just want to know if there's any milk in the fridge, because I'm going to the shops! I don't need some witty, yet incisive comment on the hypocrisy of society!"

UndercoverElephant

A couple of Churchill's best:

Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk, and what's more, you are disgustingly drunk.
Churchill: Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.

Young man (seeing Churchill leaving the bathroom without washing his hands): At Eton they taught us to wash our hands after using the toilet.
Churchill: At Harrow they taught us not to piss on our hands.

rick_chasey

UndercoverElephant wrote:

A couple of Churchill's best:

Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk, and what's more, you are disgustingly drunk.
Churchill: Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.

Young man (seeing Churchill leaving the bathroom without washing his hands): At Eton they taught us to wash our hands after using the toilet.
Churchill: At Harrow they taught us not to wee-wee on our hands.

I thought his best was "If I was your wife, I would poison your tea"
"Ma'am, if I was your husband, I would drink it"

Or words to that effect.

clanton

"Women should be obscene and not heard." Groucho Marx.

squeeler

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance...." General John Sedgewick seconds before he got shot in the head and died!

Kieran_Burns

"He has a wife you know...."

Pontius Pilate

TuckerUK

“When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.” Sir Winston Churchill

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.” Albert Einstein

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the conditions that surround him... The unreasonable man adapts surrounding conditions to himself... All progress depends on the unreasonable man." George Bernard Shaw

“Truth never damages a cause that is just.” Mahatma Gandhi

“Most people would rather die than think; in fact they do so.” Bernard Russell

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt.” Voltaire

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.” Mark Twain

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” Mark Twain

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” Herm Albrig

“What is often described as a debate between creationism and evolutionary theory is in fact a debate between creationism and the whole of science as we know it. If the universe is less than 10,000 years old, then: all of geology and biology are wrong; the speed of light has been wrongly calculated, so Einsteinian physics is wrong; the distance and speed of other galaxies has been wrongly calculated, meaning that all of astronomy and therefore Newtonian physics are also wrong. For informed people to challenge accepted scientific orthodoxy on the basis of proper evidence is always healthy, but to debunk the whole of science on the back of a story passed down by some Iron Age goat-herders is just self-delusion.” Neil Butcher

“…those who latch on to an unreasonable notion and thereafter refuse to listen to any further discussion of it have problems that are more amenable to psychiatry than to argument.” Jeff Cooper

“All of us can think of a book... that we hope none of our children or any other children have taken off the shelf. But if I have the right to remove that book from the shelf -- that book I abhor -- then you also have exactly the same right and so does everyone else. And then we have no books left on the shelf for any of us.” Katherine Patterson

“I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding, Shawshank Redemption

“We have uniformly rejected all letters and declined all discussion upon the question of when the present century ends, as it is one of the most absurd that can engage the public attention, and we are astonished to find it has been the subject of so much dispute, since it appears plain. The present century will not terminate till January 1, 1801, unless it can be made out that 99 are 100... It is a silly, childish discussion, and only exposes the want of brains of those who maintain a contrary opinion to that we have stated.” The Times, 26 December 1799

“Ultimately, everyone you love will hurt you. You just have to decide whether or not they are worth hurting for.” Anon

“Once in a while you will stumble upon the truth but most of us manage to pick ourselves up and hurry along as if nothing had happened.” Sir Winston Churchill

“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter” Sir Winston Churchill

”Whenever I feel the urge to exercise, I sit down and wait until the urge passes.” Sir Winston Churchill

“You are welcome to disagree with me, but that in itself does not make me wrong” Me

“It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Epictetus

Sigurd

I refer the original poster to my signature, quoting the first two sentences of G.R. Elton's 'The Practice of History'.

don_don

"He's dead, yes. But its not like he's been found dead before..."

Anon Copper at scene of crime.

Nifer

My friend James: "I'm never wrong, even when I'm not right"

EKE_38BPM

"Even when I say nothing its a beautiful use of negative space" - Company Flow

CiB

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Just for the record: CiB is a virgin.

It really does explain a great deal.

Comedian John Bishop said but never wrote:

I lost my virginity when I was about 17, but I found it again soon after I got married.

Bless you all. <gets carried away with a little bit of praise>

raymc

#1. In response to my old boss during yearly appraisal, who seemed to be implying that I may not be meeting my potential.......

"It is difficult to soar like an eagle when your in a field full of f**king turkeys!"

#2. As used on my kids, and one to live your life by........

"How come there is never enough time to do a job right, but there is always enough time
to do it again??!!"

Ray

il_principe

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

Terry Pratchett.

gtvlusso

To do is to be - Socrates
To be is to do - Plato
Do be do be do - Sinatra

Seen on Tee shirt in Tenerife......

deptfordmarmoset

I ammended my posts for clairty and accuracy.

Not saying who....some things are best unspoken.

Craggers

Chuck Norris doesn't use twitter... he's already following you.

I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars... the rest I just squandered (George Best)

dilemna

TuckerUK wrote:

“When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.” Sir Winston Churchill

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.” Albert Einstein

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the conditions that surround him... The unreasonable man adapts surrounding conditions to himself... All progress depends on the unreasonable man." George Bernard Shaw

“Truth never damages a cause that is just.” Mahatma Gandhi

“Most people would rather die than think; in fact they do so.” Bernard Russell

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt.” Voltaire

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.” Mark Twain

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” Mark Twain

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” Herm Albrig

“What is often described as a debate between creationism and evolutionary theory is in fact a debate between creationism and the whole of science as we know it. If the universe is less than 10,000 years old, then: all of geology and biology are wrong; the speed of light has been wrongly calculated, so Einsteinian physics is wrong; the distance and speed of other galaxies has been wrongly calculated, meaning that all of astronomy and therefore Newtonian physics are also wrong. For informed people to challenge accepted scientific orthodoxy on the basis of proper evidence is always healthy, but to debunk the whole of science on the back of a story passed down by some Iron Age goat-herders is just self-delusion.” Neil Butcher

“…those who latch on to an unreasonable notion and thereafter refuse to listen to any further discussion of it have problems that are more amenable to psychiatry than to argument.” Jeff Cooper

“All of us can think of a book... that we hope none of our children or any other children have taken off the shelf. But if I have the right to remove that book from the shelf -- that book I abhor -- then you also have exactly the same right and so does everyone else. And then we have no books left on the shelf for any of us.” Katherine Patterson

“I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding, Shawshank Redemption

“We have uniformly rejected all letters and declined all discussion upon the question of when the present century ends, as it is one of the most absurd that can engage the public attention, and we are astonished to find it has been the subject of so much dispute, since it appears plain. The present century will not terminate till January 1, 1801, unless it can be made out that 99 are 100... It is a silly, childish discussion, and only exposes the want of brains of those who maintain a contrary opinion to that we have stated.” The Times, 26 December 1799

“Ultimately, everyone you love will hurt you. You just have to decide whether or not they are worth hurting for.” Anon

“Once in a while you will stumble upon the truth but most of us manage to pick ourselves up and hurry along as if nothing had happened.” Sir Winston Churchill

“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter” Sir Winston Churchill

”Whenever I feel the urge to exercise, I sit down and wait until the urge passes.” Sir Winston Churchill

“You are welcome to disagree with me, but that in itself does not make me wrong” Me

“It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Epictetus

Where did you copy and paste these quotes from?

CiB

Playing footy this morning, remembered this apocryphal one supposedly just after Banks' save against Pele in Mexico 70:

Bobby Moore - "Why didn't you catch it?"

Gordon Banks: "!!*%**$"

Also

"Jeez what was that?" - Mayor of Nagasaki, 1945

"Watch what you're doing - you'll have someone's eye out with that" - overheard Battle Of Hastings 1066

cjcp

"The sooner mankind elimnates walking, the better." - TWH

woodnut

All time cricket sledging classic....Glenn McGrath (bowling to Eddo
Brandes): “Hey Eddo, why are you so Fat?” Eddo Brandes: “Because everytime
I bang your wife, she throws me a biscuit”

Jay dubbleU

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

I know its not really a quote but I think this is excellent

Stone Glider

"History shall be kind to me, as I intend to write the history" W.S.Churchill. And so it has proved, the double rat.